For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress And embrace the bosom of a foreigner? Proverbs 5:20

The father in this passage poses an interesting question to his son.  He asks him why should his son be intoxicated with an adulteress' beauty - and why should he embrace the bosom of a foreign woman?  For the person who frequently commits adultery or fornication - this may seem like a strange question.  Their answers may range from a Samsonesque response like, "She looks good to me," to a more common response, "It is between me and her - and it is no one else's business."  I would like to address this passage and these kind of comments with today's proverb of the day.

First off we need to address what the father is saying here.  He is asking a rhetorical question to his son.  This is not asking his son truly why he would do this, rather he is placing the rhetorical question before his son - knowing that he knows, and the son knows the answer to the question.  The answer is that he should not be doing this - it is harmful and damaging to him - and to his future.  Next, I want to address the whole idea of intimacy and sex.

One of the words we use to state someone has had sexual relations with another person is that they have been intimate together.  This term presupposes that sexual activity should involve a far more intimate relationship with another person than normal.  But if we are referring to this passage - we see that all that is happening here is sex.  The father speaks of the "adulteress" - which means the strange woman.  He also refers to her as a foreigner.  Why would we engage in behavior that speaks of intimacy - with someone with whom we are not actually intimate?  The answer is that we want sex - and desire it only to gratify our lusts.  Our hearts honestly are not engaged in any kind of intimacy - and we are turning sexual relations into a selfish, self-centered thing where we get what we want.  That is why there is an embrace with someone with whom we are far from intimate. 

Here is another question to offer at this point.  Why embrace a foreigner - a strange woman whom you do not know?  Are you even sure that she is healthy?  Does she have a sexually transmitted disease you are going to be infected with in this sexual act?  We live in the age of AIDS and also more than 35 other incurable STD's.  Do you not care that you may catch a disease by engaging in your adultery.  There are far too many women and men who have caught STD's simply by not knowing the one with whom they were having sexual relations. 

Let's talk about how this kind of behavior turns us into little more than animals gratifying our sexual appetites.  Why would you embrace the bosom of a foreigner?  Just to get a sexual release?  Are you seeking out sex for sex sake?  This leads to all kinds of addictive behaviors.  It needs to be said that when you are seeking sex from people in relative annonymity, the ways in which you are harmed by such contact are myriad.  Do you really want to pull any kind of intimacy out of sexual intimacy?  Do you want to be driven by a sex drive and the call of your flesh wanting gratification without responsiblity and love? 

But there is an even more compelling argument to what the writer of Proverbs is saying here.  It is found in the next verse.  And that is the FACT that the eyes of God see all things - and that God knows every path that we take.  We may choose to hide ourselves in the midst of our sexual immorality, but know this.  God sees everything that is going on - He knows it.  We will get into this tomorrow in the next verse - but one of the most important reasons why we should NOT become sexually active is that God will see everything that we do.  There is no hiding from Him - and there is no way to get around the fact that we will face problems - and will face judgment and discipline from Him.  But that is a subject we will explore further tomorrow.

Should your springs be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets?  Let them be yours alone And not for strangers with you. Proverbs 5:16-17

Part of sexually sane living is realizing what is at risk when we begin having sex outside the bounds of our marriage.  Here we have a reference to where our seed as men will go when we decide to begin committing adultery. 

The father tells his son not to have his springs dispersed abroad - like streams of water in the streets.  The picture here is how a man's seed should be kept for his wife - and only his wife.  When a man begins committing adultery and resorting to women who do the same, he is risking pregnancy with a woman who is not his wife.  Unfortunately we have myriad examples of this in our current day.  Men, who do not care with whom they have sex, wind up impregnating women who are not their wives.  Thus their seed is like a spring dispersed abroad - like water in the streets.  The result is a society where there are illegitimate children running around - without fathers.  A man who does such things is a man who will have his name and his reputation damaged over time.  Since he does not care for the children properly they tend to go astray and to cause problems.  When people learn that they are the illegitimate children of a man - that man's name suffers greatly - as do the children whom he has sired - but does not rear for God.

God says to let our seed by ours alone - and not something that is shared with strangers.  God intended for a man and a woman to be married, then to share in sexual intercourse.  It was never His intention or will that men should have multiple children with multiple wives.  This creates very serious problems over time.  It causes problems for the family - for the husband and wife - for their children - and for the child who is uncared for by a father later in life.  There is also the problem of what happens to the woman who is used in this way.  Quite often this woman grows very bitter and angry at the man who has used her for sex - but is unwilling to commit to her . . . or to her child. 

God knows the damage that comes from ignoring His Word and the principles upon which it is based.  This is multiplied many times over when a man fathers illegitimately.  Unfortunately most men do not even consider such things - they are looking only for the pleasure of the moment rather than thinking about the long-term affects of their immorality.  That is why it is left to godly fathers to warn their sons of such things.  May we be wise and do such things with our sons and daughters - to hopefully promote a little more sexual sanity in our world.  

"I was almost in utter ruin In the midst of the assembly and congregation." Proverbs 5:14

This is the final statement made by the one who is lamenting their sexual sin of adultery.  It is filled with a tremendous amount of regret - and yet even in this cry of horror over sin, there is hope for those who will be instructed by it.

First we have a warning to those who think that adultery and sexual sin only inhabit the world outside the church.  This person - David - said that he was almost to the point of utter ruin in the midst of the assembly and congregation.  To think that the devil, the flesh, and the world only are problems for those outside the church is to set yourself up for ruin. 

David experienced these things "IN THE MIDST OF THE ASSEMBLY AND CONGREGATION."  Oh, how we need to take heed from this statement that we are not beyond the reach of sin just because we go to church.  The fact is that we are WELL WITHIN THE REACH OF SIN no matter where we are on earth.  David unfortunately forgot this as he walked upon the roof of his house in Jerusalem.  He forgot that it was the time when kings should be going out to war.  He forgot that even if he was king - he needed to be doing God's bidding rather than his own.  He forgot that being lazy and undisciplined will cost us in the end.  He forgot that being in the wrong place at the wrong time - will lead to wrong actions.

God never promises to us a "place" where we can be safe from all temptation and sin.  There is NO place on earth where this exists.  No matter where you go on earth - there will be temptation and there will be a need to draw near to God and look to Him for protection.  There is only a "person" of safety - and that is the Lord our God.  When we draw near to Him we find deliverance and safety.  When we walk with Him and turn to Him - we are with the Only One Who can deliver us from all our temptations and sins.  If David had remembered this he would have realized that he was in far greater danger at home without the presence of God in his life - than if he were in the midst of a fierce battle with God there within. 

The one thing that grants me hope in reading this verse is the word "almost."  One would think that David would have been utterly ruined by his adultery.  Please do not misunderstand that he was going to have to pay a very heavy price before this was over.  He would lose no less than 4 children in this situation.  He would have 10 concubines raped by his own son in broad daylight in front of all Israel.  His kingdom would be divided and many would lose their lives in battles that would ensue.  The losses would be huge - and yet it was "almost" utter ruin. 

God offers grace and forgiveness even in the most horrible of situations.  David took advantage of this grace and fell upon the mercies of God in the end.  God would forgive him and restore him to the joy of his salvation.  Truly this is one of the most amazing stories of mercy and grace in all the Scriptures.  Yet, David, in offering this glimmer of hope in the midst of his cry of despair still is warning us - pleading with us to remember him.  He is pleading with us to remember the high cost of adultery and unfaithfulness to God's call for purity in our lives.  May we see both the warning and the wonder of this passage.  A warning against adultery and sexual sin - and the wonder of God's grace and forgiveness that can save us even in the worst of sitautions and circumstances.

"I have not listened to the voice of my teachers, Nor inclined my ear to my instructors!"   Proverbs 5:13

There are consequences for sexual sin in the lives of those who commit it.  These two verses in Proverbs chapter 5 relate to us what some of these consequences are for the immoral person.  What is fascinating is that these two things are not exactly on the what's what list for sexual immorality - and yet they are both problems that will come for those who practice this kind of lifestyle and choice in life.

It would be wise for us to briefly remember the context of these verses.  These are in the context of a father warning a son not to consort with prostitutes and with women who commit adultery.  The warnings are dire but are in no way hyperbole.  The things being said to this young man are true warnings and they contain true consequences for his actions.  This is why the one who commits adultery later laments that he did not listen to the voice of his teachers - nor pay attention of incline his ear to hear how they were seeking to instruct him.

There is very real ruin and disgrace that attends adultery.  Anyone who has watched a marriage and a family disintegrate under the weight of it knows this to be true.  Yet, even with all the examples that we have before us of these things, men and women still enter into relationships and commit adultery.  The siren call of pleasure drowns out the voice of teachers and instructors who have warned them of the rocky shores upon which they will wreck their lives and the lives of their families.  The only cry they will lift is unfortunately the one that comes from the battered survivors who cry in pain in the midst of their wreckage. 

That is what we have here before us - the cry of the destroyed.  I did not listen to my teachers!  I did not incline my ear to my instructors!  I am ruined due to my sin and my indiscretions!  The cries come from the rocks and from the ruins of lives that have ventured too far into those dangerous waters.  They have ignored the warning of the lighthouse of Scripture that tells them what will happen.  Rebellious and unteachable - their lesson will only be learned the hard way.  They will add their names to the long list of cautionary characters who faced ruin in opposing and thinking they can get past the Scriptures and God's warnings.  All this can seem like too much - but tomorrow we will see a ray of hope in what is said in verse 14.  So if you are on the verge of despair - there is hope - there is mercy - and there is grace!

This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, And says, "I have done no wrong." Proverbs 30:20

One of the worst aspects of sexual sin is the way that is blinds us to the truth.  Here we have a proverb dealing with the women who commits adultery.  Her way is to indulge her sin as one would sit down to a big meal - then wipe her mouth afterwards and boldly state that she has done nothing wrong.  She is completely blind and arrogantly unmoved by her actions and by the Word of God which proclaims them wicked.

We are living in the days of sin that looks just like this.  We have those who live openly in their sin - and argue that such a lifestyle choice is not sin.  God has proclaimed that adultery is sin - and that commandment from the time of Moses still stands this day without having been weakened in the slightest.  Some might protest that Jesus forgave the woman caught in the very act of adultery.  I would agree - but would add that after he gave her the most gracious forgiveness, He also stated to her that she should go her way and SIN NO MORE.  When He gave her grace - it was the grace of God that teaches us NOT TO SIN.  It was not grace that condoned sin.  And just in case some have forgotten the rest of the gospel - He eventually bore her sin to calvary's cross and paid the full measure of God's wrath for it. 

When a society begins to weaken its moral stances on adultery and sexual sin, it is preparing that society for horrible consequences.  When that lax morality reaches the point where adulterous women and men are allowed to embrace their wickedness while openly proclaiming that they've done nothing wrong - such a society is at the breaking point.  It cannot stand much longer because its very foundations are crumbling to the ground. 

Please pray for the United States - praying for revival in the church and awakening among the lost.  We've abandoned our moral underpinnings handed down to us from our forefathers.  We need for God to first revive His church so that we will once again hold fast to biblical morals - regardless of what is currently morally in style in our nation.  Unless this work of revival happens among us first, there will be no awakening among the lost.  We must put our moral house in order - dealing with our sexual sins.  Then we will have the moral authority to speak to our nation - to pray for our nation - and to witness the people of our nation return to the Lord and to the sanity of sexual morality.  May God have mercy on us - and revive and restore us in this most desperate of days.

He will not accept any ransom, Nor will he be satisfied though you give many gifts. Proverbs 6:35

Adultery is always stupid.  There is no amount of money or ransom that a man will accept for the love and purity of his wife.  God gave us marriage and is the very essence of love - and bequeathed to us the gift of loving someone else.  One of the most wonderful expressions of His love is seen when a man and woman commit to one another in marriage.  That picture is used in Ephesians 5 to show the love of Christ for His church.  The love that exists in marriage is supposed to be very strong - and thus breaking it is not something that can be paid back by any amount of money.

We read in Song of Solomon 8:6-7 these words that will help us understand why there is no ransom for adultery.  "Put me like a seal over your heart, Like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, Jealousy is as severe as Sheol; Its flashes are flashes of fire, The very flame of the LORD. Many waters cannot quench love, Nor will rivers overflow it; If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love, It would be utterly despised."  Love is as strong as death - that is why often a divorce is described as being as devastating as a death in a family.  Love is as powerful as death, jealousy is like death, and again is described as like "flashes of fire" and "the very flame of Jehovah."  These are not light, fluffy passing descriptions.  They are powerful and honestly, frightening!  When you choose to love someone and commit to them for life in marriage, this is the power that is released.  That is why no ransom will be accepted for adultery - no gift will seem appropriate.  We read in Song of Solomon that if a man were to give all the riches of his house for love - the one offered the money would utterly despise the offer.  Love is more powerful than ANY amount of money ever offered. 

Unfortunately, a movie I know of but have not seen, illustrates our point.  The move was called, "Indecent Proposal."  I would NOT encourage anyone to see it - so I will describe what I've read about it.  In the movie a young couple are given an indecent proposal by a rich man to pay them $1,000,000 for the wife to commit adultery once with him.  After weighing what they could do with that much money, they unwisely agree to this indecent proposal.  The wife commits adultery and they are paid the money.  But the film examines the carnage that follows as, you guessed it, jealousy begins enraging this man over what has happened.  Just like it says in Song of Solomon - no amount of money is worth love.  Any amount is utterly despised.  The man comes to realize too late that the purity and sanctity of their relationship is not worth any sum of money - not even a million dollars.  Even a ransom of that enormous amount is something despised and abhorred by a husband and wife.  Thus when one partner sins for usually far less, it is a foolish choice indeed that they are making.  They are selling out their vows for nothing more than a fleeting promise of forbidden pleasure.  What they will pay in the end would make them recoil from such actions.  The problem is that "in the moment" they do not think, nor do they reason with any kind of biblical or moral judgment.  They destroy themselves and their marriage in a bid for the illusive promise of a night of passionate pleasure.  What they most likely do not know is that the indulgence will cost them more than they could ever imagine.  This is why, dear saints, Adultery is always stupid.

For jealousy enrages a man, And he will not spare in the day of vengeance. Proverbs 6:34

Adultery is always stupid.  This is never more clearly seen than in the reality of the reaction of the husband who has learned that his wife has committed adultery with another man.  His reaction toward that man is predictable.  He reacts with jealousy - in fact what is written here is that he reacts with enraged jealousy.

Jealousy, which is referred to in this proverb, is the Hebrew word "qinah."  This word means zeal or jealousy.  It describes an intense passion and fervor.  It describes an emotion that is greater than wrath or anger.  Scripture calls this jealousy a rottenness in a man's bones (Prov. 14:30).  It is used to speak of a spirit of jealousy that comes upon a man in Numbers 25:11.  But the frightening description of this word is that it is used of God's zeal which He has toward his own people - and which He has for accomplishing His own will and purpose.  The word is used six different times to speak of the way God's wrath is expressed in judgment.  This is a strong word - and is made even stronger by the fact that it is used in connection with the word, "enrages."  This word is the Hebrew word "hemah" and it means wrath or heat.  It signifies great fury, anger, indignation, poison , or rage.  When put together these two words create quite a terrifying description of the emotions that come over a man who learns of an adulterer seeking to destroy his relationship with his wife. 

This enraged jealousy moves this man to seek the maximum penalty for adultery.  I've watched this in court battles and divorces.  The injured party, when given over to this enraged jealousy, wants to make the other person pay everything possible.  There is a desire for them to truly pay the highest price possible for their indiscretion.  They want a "day of vengeance."  That is why adultery is always stupid.  It always injures someone - and makes for emotions that rival any in life.  The wise man sees this and realizes that no promise of sexual pleasure will ever match the release of rage, anger, and wrath that will come when their deeds become known. 

Men do not despise a thief if he steals To satisfy himself when he is hungry; But when he is found, he must repay sevenfold; He must give all the substance of his house. Proverbs 6:30-31

Adultery is always stupid.  In fact adultery here is being called dumber than stealing.  We are offered a comparison between these two sins - and in the end, adultery is considered the worse of the two.

This passage is interesting, because although it does compare stealing and adultery, it does not condone either.  The comparison is to how the theif is viewed vs. the view of the adulterer.  The thief is actually shown compassion, especially if his stealing is due to being hungry.  The passage tells us that a thief is not despised if he steals to satisfy his own hunger.  We all understand hunger and the drive to satisfy our appetite when we have not eaten in a while.  The thing about this proverb though is that after saying this - we are brought back to justice.  If caught though, the thief will have to repay sevenfold for what he has stolen.  This is the case even if the thief has to given everything in his house to pay that debt.  There is mercy toward his situation - but not mercy toward the actions he took to remedy it. 

But the adulterer is by default NOT given the same grace.  We all probably know lust as well - but to actually go out and take another man's wife to satisfy it is wickedness.  The adultery is also guilty of stealing - stealing the sanctity of another man's marriage.  He is stealing another man's wife - taking her affections - and taking from him the vows that were made to him in the sight of God.  This is not viewed with a gracious attitude here.  Whereas a thief is not despised for his actions to alleviate his hunger - the adultery IS despised for taking another man's wife.  If justice falls on the hungry man for his stolen food, how much more will God's justice fall on the adultery for stealing the sacredness of marriage and a home?  There is going to be a cost - and that cost is high. 

Ask David and Bathsheba what that cost involves.  They will tell you that the cost far outweighs the pleasure of the moment.  Ask David's family who also paid a high price for the attitude toward marriage and sexuality that was unfortunately passed in that family?  Ask Samson if it was worthy his two eyes to commit sexual sin and satisfy his lusts in ungodly ways?  Ask the people of Sodom and Gomorrah whether it was worth it to despise God's plan for marriage and go their own way?  These are all examples of those who had to pay - and some pay with the very substance of their house.  Adultery costs - and to think that we can get around that cost is ignorant.  That is why dear saints, "Adultery is always stupid."

Wounds and disgrace he will find, And his reproach will not be blotted out. Proverbs 6:33

Adultery is always stupid.  That is the premise we are following in these last verses of Proverbs chapter 6.  Here we see that adultery is stupid because it will eventually yield punishment.  This refers to a day when adultery was a punishable offense in a nation.  In some nations it still is a punishable offense.  Where it is, the rates of adultery and divorce are far lower than in nations where marriage is no longer protected by law.

The wounds, disgrace, and reproach that are spoken of here are all due in part to the public punishment that came with adultery in biblical times.  A simple review of the laws against adultery help us to see that this was considered a very serious sin.  First we have God stating that this particular sin was part of the 10 commandments.  "You shall not commit adultery," is found in Exodus 20 where God gives the commandments to Moses.  Later in Leviticus 20 we see where God makes it clear that adultery was considered a capital offensein Israel (and in God's sight).  "If there is a man who commits adultery with another man's wife, one who commits adultery with his friend's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death."  If we were to trace the damage done to not just the marriage but to families and societies through adultery, we might not look at this as too strict. 

There used to be a time when adultery was seen as a very disgraceful thing.  It was easy to see that what God said here is true.  The reproach from being and adultery would not be able to be blotted out.  There is a stigma to those who break their marriage vows by having sex with someone who is not their wife.  This stigma is natural - and it is only as we have turned from God and from His truth that we have decided to try our best to erase that stigma from our society.  Jeremiah's prophecy is filled with rebuke for the adultery that was rampant in the land.  In Jeremiah 23:14 we read this prophetic word to God's people, "Also among the prophets of Jerusalem I have seen a horrible thing: The committing of adultery and walking in falsehood; And they strengthen the hands of evildoers, So that no one has turned back from his wickedness. All of them have become to Me like Sodom, And her inhabitants like Gomorrah."  This sin, when it was ignored by God's people and by their prophets, would "strengthen the hands of evildoers."  When adultery is tolerated by a society and treated as no big deal, we read that no one turns back from their wickedness.  We find a soceity where the most basic bonds of relationship break down - and thus any kind of trustworthiness also breaks down with it. 

In recent years we've heard a chorus of those who tell us that it does not matter if one of our elected officials has committed adultery and divorced their partner.  We view it as part of the normal landscape that this happens, and in so doing, destroy the foundation upon which the home - and thereby society in general is built.  The complete lack of character in our elected officials is a testimony to the truth of the Scriptures when it comes to adultery and being faithful to your vows in your marriage.  We've watched as again and again that if these men and women won't be faithful to the closest bond and promise that they have made, why would we think that would be faithful to a vow to adhere to and defend the principles in the Constitution? 

Some may say that this is too harsh.  Jesus Himself forgave the woman who was caught in the very act of adultery.  To this I would say a hearty, "Amen!"  He did forgive her - and He forgives those who commit adultery today.  But our problem is that we've degenerated to a point where we question if adultery should even be classified as sin.  We've come to the point where we want to give the forgiveness without also stating the other thing Jesus said that day, "Go and sin no more."  We watch as elected officials lie to our faces on televison that they did not have sex with that woman - and then expect the forgiveness and absolution without any repentance and confession.  What we should realize is that whether we embrace it or not - adultery is going to cause very serious problems for an individual - and for a society that seeks to sweep it under the proverbial moral rug.

Adultery is always stupid.  It always has consequences.  It always will involve disgrace and reproach - at least in the eyes of God (and that is what counts in the end).  The wise man sets a very clear boundary in his life when it comes to adultery.  He not only sets a boundary, but he also sets a reminder that crossing this boundary will result in bad consequences.  And since our society no longer sees fit to protect marriage in this way - we will have to do even more on the personal level to have reminders, boundaries, and warnings in our hearts to protect us from it.  

The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; He who would destroy himself does it. Proverbs 6:32

This passage deals with the stupidity of committing adultery, plain and simple.  Several years ago Randy Alcorn wrote a book called, "The Purity Principle."  In it I felt that Alcorn made a statement that is one for the ages.  "Purity is always smart, impurity is always stupid."  That is what the Holy Spirit is trying to tell us today in Proverbs.  "The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense."  This is a very genteel way of saying what Alcorn said.  We could restate his principle by saying that faithfulness in marriage is always good, adultery is always stupid. 

The actual words used here are the ones that are used often in Proverbs.  The one who commits adultery with a woman lacks heart.  We are being told that adultery shows that we have a heart problem more than anything else.  We've allowed our hearts to be captured by lust and sexual immorality rather than by God.  While reading a series of purity prayers I've run into the statement again and again where the puritans asked God to capture their heart so that they would not be satisfied by trifling affections.  The heart can be captured in this way - and given to things that are so far less than what God wants to give us.  The truth is what He wants to give us in Himself.  We settle for so much less and so less fulfilling things than Him.  And that is what the fool has done - he has settled for adultery rather than finding in God and in His provision of his wife true fulfillment.

We are also warned in this passage that, ". . . he who would destroy himself does it."  The literal Hebrew says that the destruction is in this man's soul.  He finds his mind strangely drawn and lied to by the enticements of the adulterous woman.  He finds his emotions stimulated by a false love and false promises of intimacy and pleasure.  As he foolishly begins to embrace these thoughts and these concepts he also begins to lose the war within his will to continue in God's ways and in God's path.  Soon he gives in to the onslaught that is coming toward his soul.  He no longer lives out of his spirit - where the Spirit of God would give him strength to resist and overcome temptation - but instead allows himself to be taken over by his body and its lusts.  As he does this He submits himself to the adultery - and in so doing he "destroys" himself in the process and the sinful choice.  Destroy here is the Hebrew word, "sahat" and it means to spoil, ruin, destroy, pervert, or corrupt.  When you look at these ways of translating this word they all fit this passage - and all take place as this man acts foolishly by committing adultery. 

For the next several days we will look at the terrible consequences and the wise warnings that God gives us in this area.  Remember that this entire conversation is one that takes place between a man and his sons.  How wise we would be to have this kind of conversation with our sons as they get older and begin to face the temptations of this present world.  How wise we would be to also have these kinds of conversations with our adult sons who are married, as well as with our brothers in Christ with whom we share fellowship in God's church.  Since these things are written about so many times in Proverbs - it is a reminder that the wise also warn one another with the very warnings given to us by God.