A constant dripping on a day of steady rain And a contentious woman are alike; He who would restrain her restrains the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand. Proverbs 27:15-16

Here is a proverb concerning contentious women and the problems that come from them.  First we read that the contetious woman is compared to a constant dripping on a day of steady rain.  Thus we see that such a thing is a constant annoyance.  This is someone who will bother us greatly.  That drip, drip, drip that we hear will wear on us over time and drive us crazy.  Such is the contentious woman.  But understanding the word "contentious" is very important for us to grasp what Solomon is saying. 

The "contentious" woman is the woman who is involved with strife and dissension.  This is the Hebrew word, "madon" which refers to a quarrel or dispute that gets out of hand quickly.  Once started, it cannot be stopped.  These are the kind of disputes that create barriers between people.  According to Psalm 80:6 an evil heart is the source of these contentions and bitter arguments.  These things come from someone with a hot temper and are very difficult to contain.  Thus we see that the "contentious woman" is not someone who disagrees with us, but rather someone who vehemently disagrees and who takes that disagreement to the level of fighting and quarreling.  This fighting is not a normal disagreement, but becomes something that can separate people for long periods of time as bitterness and resentment seethe because of the fighting.  

Too often I have heard of this proverb used to disrespect a woman who respectfully disagrees with her husband.  The contentious woman is anything BUT respectful - she is fiesty and cantankerous.  She is itching for a fight - and when given the slightest reason to enter one - does so with both feet firmly set in the middle of it.  It is not sinful for a woman to disagree with someone - even her husband or a person in authority.  That is not what this proverb is about.  It is about a woman who is ready to fight, and quarrel, and do so disgustingly.  The next verse says that trying to restrain such a woman and her venom is like trying to restrain wind or grasp oil and hold it.  It is impossible to do so, because such things cannot be done.  Thus, when we come upon such a woman, we should avoid her and keep ourselves clear from her path.  She is a dangerous woman - whose actions will prove very destructive in the end.  Rather than trying to restrain and hold her back, we need to withdraw from her and avoid her at all costs.

What we should remember as we read this is that God places great value on a woman who has a quiet and gentle spirit.  This is what God desires - so when a woman goes the opposite direction, it is not only against what He wants, but it places an example before other women that is not only lacking, but it encourages them to behavior that is completely outside of what God desires in a Godly lady.  May the Lord give us grace to see such godly women raised up in our fellowships - women whose testimony only makes the gospel of Jesus Christ more attractive and beautiful - like He has made them.

He who loves transgression loves strife; He who raises his door seeks destruction.
Proverbs 17:19

There are those in this world who love rebellion - whether against God or against "the man."  These people, because of this rebellious bent, also love strife.  Theiy love a good fight where they can quarrel with others and contend with anyone who holds an opinion other than theirs.  This kind of insolent, arrogant attitude brings such a one into multiple situations where they fight and where violence is almost certainly to break out eventually.  I remember a friend of my youth - who just loved to fight, whether it was with words or fists.  This happened weekend after weekend as he would drink and party.  One weekend he went too far and was shot a couple of times at a bar where he had previously picked another fight.  Fortunately for him he was not killed in the incident.  But this is what the proverb is trying to get us to see. 

The second part of the proverb here is a Hebraism.  It speaks of the one who "raises his door."  The habit of the Jews was to make the front door of their compound very low to the ground so that no one could get in without permission.  They also would intentionally not make their doors ornate - so as to draw attention to themselves - and unintentionally draw the attention of thieves or those who would seek to plunder their homes and compounds.  Over time this practice eventually came to speak of someone who was ostentatious and filled with pride.  Those to "raise their door" came to mean those who act with excessive pride and arrogance.  We are warned that doing this is dangerous and destructive.  When we live with such excessive pride and arrogance - even one that fights with everyone - and that loves sin - we are setting ourselves up for destruction.

The wise man is a peace-maker, not a fighter.  He is one who loves righteousness, peace, and humility.  True, these things will not make him stick out - won't make him noticed by the standards of men.  Yet, for the believer, this is not a good thing - to try to be noticed by men.  We want God to be the One who promotes and gives us favor with others.  The favor we crave and desire is not that of men (which often means we will have to love sinning as they do).  We crave with an ever-increasing intensity the favor of God!  And that kind of promotion does not draw the attention of men unduly - as does arrogant self-promotion does.

A foolish son is destruction to his father, And the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping. House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD. Proverbs 19:13-14

Two different kinds of homes are shown to us in this proverb - the first in verse 13, and the second in verse 14.  These two different homes will make the difference between a life that is a joy - and one that is most likely pure drudgery. 

The first home has a son - a foolish son who is a destruction to his father.  The word used here for fool is different than we are used to seeing.  It is the Hebrew word "kestyl" and refers to one of several types of fools who are spoken of in Scripture.  He is a fool, according to Ecclesiastes 4:5, 13 who is unable to live life in a successful, practical way.  He is a fool who according to Proverbs 1:22, 32 who scoffs at the things of God and as a result has a lifestyle that is very self-destructive.  Other passages refer to this fool as someone who is rash in his decision making - who pursue foolishness - and who will not have honor but will experience shame due to their decisions and lifestyle.  The father of this fool watches his own life destroyed due to this son.  The word for destruction here refers to destruction that comes because of a rejection of God and a rejection of God's ways and truth.  The father's life is destroyed because of the consequences of his son's life wreaking havoc on his heart and most likely his finances.  To look at an example of this we have to go no further than the story of the prodigal son.  This son was a fool - and demanded half the estate of his father - who chose to give it to him.  Even though this son eventually returned - in the time of his discipline and foolishness he consumed not only half of his father's estate with his ungodly lifestyle - he also consumed numerous hours of his father's concern and heartbroken intercession.  Remember that his father was watching for him - longing for him to return from his godless choices and lifestyle. 

This passage also reminds us that the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping to a man as well.  The picture painted for us by Solomon is that of a wife who is unhappy - and who poures out her unhappiness upon her husband in contentious attitudes and words.  Fascinating is the definition of "madon" the Hebrew word for contention here.  It refers to quarrels and disputes that cannot be stopped once they are set in motion.  They are arguments that create barriers between people - usually caused by a person with a bad temper.  Imagine the poor man who has this to look forward to each day of his life.  He does not have a help-meet - but someone who tears him down every day when he comes home.  Like a dripping leak in the ceiling or a faucet that drives you crazy with the drip, drip, drip sound that never stops - so this man has to deal with an ungrateful, unloving wife who creates tension and dissention in the home rather than an atmosphere of love and peace.

Contrasted to this kind of home, we see in verse 14 the true wealth that God can bring to our lives.  Where a house and wealth can be given to us in the inheritance from our fathers - there is something far more valuable that we should long to receive.  I've watched as people have receieved a large inheritance from their parents.  If gratefully received it can be a huge blessing to the family for generations to come.  But without the second blessing that is mentioned here - entire families can be destroyed for multiple generations.  Whereas we can receive an inheritance from our fathers, a prudent wife is a gift from God Himself. 

The prudent wife is one who is discerning and filled with godly insight. She acts wisely, having understanding and wisdom from which to make her decisions and guide the things that she does each day.  She is intelligent - but with far more than just book-learning.  She is intelligent in the things of the Lord - which allows her to bless her husband and children not just with her teaching, but with the example of her life 24 hours every day.  Her wise prudence allows her to see what is coming - how choices will effect the future - and what choices will make for God's greatest blessing on her and her family.  Truly the gift of this kind of woman in a man's wife is a gift from God.  Whereas money can be good or bad for us - a prudent wife will be blessing at all times.  Her influence on a home and on children and grandchildren will bless a family for multiple generations.  When the Scriptures tell us that her worth is beyond gold, silver, and precious stones - it is not kidding us.  When you have a prudent wife - you are being blessing with a fortune that will last long after the money and things in your life are rusted and dust. 

A man needs to look at these two verses and grasp wisdom.  Wisdom means choosing eternal things - such as the blessing of your family for generations to come by submitting your "love life" fully into the hands of God.  It means choosing a wife under His direction and with His values fully guiding your thinking.  It may mean waiting - or turning away from a relationship with a young lady who looks good on the outside - but whose lack of discernment and godly wisdom will make her a serious liablilty to you and your family in the future.  The wise man surrenders himself to God in every area - including the choice of a future wife.  Remember you can have a constant dripping and a destructive son - or a purdent wife whose worth cannot be measured in gold, silver, and precious stones.  The choice is yours - choose wisely!

Argue your case with your neighbor, And do not reveal the secret of another, Or he who hears it will reproach you, And the evil report about you will not pass away. Proverbs 25:9-10

Here is another of those Proverbs that seems to directly contradict what has been said in the previous verse.  Here it has to do with arguing your case with your neighbor.  But the thing that truly helps us to understand this proverb is that it deals with arguing your case with your neighbor "alone."  The ESV and the KJV bring this out.

When a person has a conflict with another person, the best way for it to be resolved is for the two of them to get together and to work it out between them.  This is what the writer of Proverbs is saying here.  This proverb has to do with gossip more than anything else.  When there is a conflict, take the conflict to the person with whom you have the conflict - and no one else.  That is what the writer is saying when he says not to reveal the secret of another.  When there is a conflict, we don't need to reveal that we have had one with everyone else.  That is usually what happens when there is a fight.  We decide to talk with everyone else - telling them about everything that has happened and every way that this other person has hurt us - or has wronged us.  That is revealing the secret of another. 

Here is a concept that I know is foreign to the church today.  When we have a fight or disagreement with someone - that situation is to be treated as if it is a secret between us and the person with whom we've had the disagreement.  It is to remain that way - until we've worked it out with that person.  The reason we should do this is because God will give us grace - and give the person with whom we have the disagreement grace.  But anyone we bring into the situation - will not have grace to deal with it.  They will tend to take one side or the other - and soon factions will begin to develop. 

When the person with whom we have the disagreement begins to hear that we've told others - new problems will develop.  The passage here says that when the person with whom we've had the argument hears that we're talking to others about it - they will reproach us for doing it.  There is an additional offense when this happens.  There are already problems with this person - but now they feel that they are being slandered with gossip. 

Now the next step in all this is that the argument begins to develop into a full-sized war.  They begin to send out an evil report about you.  They are so offended that you've begun to gossip, that they begin to gossip as well.  Just as you decided to share the worst of your disagreement with others - they do the same.  You feel greater offense but what they are doing is only what you've already done to them.  The sad reality with this entire situation is that it will continue toward greater and greater bitterness until one or the other involved with be Christlike enough to humble themselves and begin working toward true healing.  This involves actually talking about the problem to the person with whom you have the problem.  What is so sad is that the vast majority of the time all that happens is that the two people eventually move to an uncomfortable silence between them.  Their relationship becomes superficial - awaiting the next blow up that will come in the future. 

Argue your case with your neighbor alone.  That is wisdom.  It will bless you - and honestly - it will bless your church as well.  This would be such a cause for maturity in the church.  We would have to confront lovingly when we have a problem with a brother - but from what I've experienced - we would also have stronger relationships in the church or wherever we are having problems.  May God bless us so that we begin to take this very wise advice and have stronger relationships in every aspect of life. 

Drive out the scoffer, and contention will go out, Even strife and dishonor will cease. Proverbs 22:10

How do you get rid of strife and contention in a group?  That is what God wants us to be instructed in today in Proverbs.  He is about to tell us about the horrific fellow known as the "scoffer."  Wherever this man is - there is trouble and strife about to break loose.  When we learn how to identify and rid ourselves of him and his ilk, we will find that the dishonor and disunity will go away as well.

The word scoffer refers to someone who loves to mock, scorn, deride with great contempt to anyone but himself.  The scoffer loves to express his utter contempt with someone with whom he disagrees.  He knows nothing of positive criticism - he only knows of mocking and seeking to scorn his enemies.  It is not enough for him to merely disagree - he must do it in the most disagreeable way possible!  He knows only how to show complete and absolute contempt toward those he finds in his philosophical crosshairs. 

A wise man knows that mocking his detractors will usually yield him some serious enemies.  Very rarely does this tactic yield converts to his way of thinking.  Heaping a mocking shame and disgrace on others is not a positive way to communicate a message which you desire to use to change someone's mind and thinking.  But that is what the scoffer excells at in life.  As a result when he comes around you will also find contention, strife, and dishonor.  He will use his words to strike up fights among people.  He loves to fight - and loves to accelerate an argument to the point of intense strife.  He also loves to see dishonor come to his opponents.  He cares little what happens to the organization in which he is wreaking his havoc.  He only cares for his own ungodly thoughts and desires.  The more damage he can render to his opponents - the better he sees the outcome of his actions. 

There is one response to such a man - get him out!  Scripture says that we are to "drive out" this kind of man.  Too often we want to try to win him over to our way of thinking.  That is NOT going to happen - because he is un-winnable while he is a scoffer.  The New Testament tells us to reject a factious man after a warning.  We are not to have a three strikes policy with such dangerous men.  Get their contention-stimulating behavior and conversation thrown out of the assembly of God's people.  This man knows nothing about how to walk in unity with others.  He only airs his own opinions and contentious thoughts.  He cares nothing for those of others.  The best thing we can offer him - is the way out.  This may sound hard - but when dealing with a scoffer, you are not dealing with someone who can be won over.  Therefore the best thing to do is to follow the godly advice of Solomon - drive him out!