Calvary Chapel of Jonesboro
 
Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Here is probably one of the most well known proverbs that there is.  It has to deal with how to rear a child.  Too often it is quoted more like, raise up a child and church - and he won't rebel or depart from going to church or doing the church thing.  Many a devastated parent reads this verse and wonders why little Johnny doesn't go to church any longer - or want anything to do with the Lord.  Let's take a close look at this verse to see what is DOES say and what is DOES NOT say to us as we seek to rear our children for the Lord. 

The word train is very important to know here - as we see that the "training" of the child in the way he should go is imperative to the blessing of him not departing from that way when he is old.  This word is the Hebrew word, "chanak" which means to train or to dedicate.  The root word for "chanak" means to narrow something - thus to initiate, discipline, or train it to that narrow path.  Ah, here we begin to see what God is saying to us about child training.  We are to narrow the child's way - by training and instruction - so that the child's way conforms itself to God's way.  This narrowing had to do with the opening of a path.  It was a constricting of that opening so that someone went a specific way as they sought to enter the path before them.  Let's take a moment and talk about how this is applied to child training. 

When we talk about "narrowing" a child's way - we are talking about discipline.  When they are little it means instructing - but also if necessary corporal punishment (spanking if you will) in order to train the child that there are certain things you just do not do.  If you choose to do these things there will be punishment.  It means we MUST correct our children when they act out in a way that is contrary to God's way.  When we refuse to do this - we are not helping our child find his way - we are confusing them.  Study after study has shown that children desire boundaries - and that they will test the ones that are imposed to see if they are truly boundaries or not.  Create godly boundaries for a child (oh, and by the way, live by them yourself as well) and a child will have a great deal of stability in his or her life.  In many ways, to rear a child in this way is simply to prepare him for a life of discipleship later.  Jesus calls us to "Make disciples of all the nations."  This means our own children as well.  When we teach them that disicpline is the "way of life," we prepare them for the reality that reward and punishment - really are the way of life.  They will face such things all the remainder of their days.  It is best to begin young teaching them such things - and showing them through our discipline that there are very real consequences for act

Too many see child reading in this permission society as letting a child find his own way in the world without the parents doing much to get in his way.  This is a sure way to lose a child - to have them follow after their own sinful nature and ruin themselves by indulging their flesh and walking in an ungodly path.  Adam Clarke spoke of this passage as teaching a child how to narrow the opening of his path so that he was directed in God's way, no matter what chioce he had to make.  Clarke spoke of how we needed to show the child the path - instruct him on the duties, dangers, and blessings of the path - and then do all we can do guide the child so that he takes God's path.  Thus when a child faces the reality of life in this world - and the choices that are placed before Him - then that child will be able to reason from the Scriptures and know how to conduct himself or herself in the world. 

We are told to train up this child in the "way" he should go.  Way is our old Hebrew friend, "derek" and it means a path, a way - and was probably the word used most often to speak of choices someone would make that would lead to a lifestyle - or way of living.  Note here that we are to train up this child to the lifestyle and way - the path of life in which he "SHOULD" go.  Here we face a very serious problem when we present this to the average worldling of today.  A way in which someone "should go" indicates that one way is superior to another - something this world finds anathema to their worldview.  They think all lifestyles and all paths are the same.  Thus to say a child has a way he "should go" rather than to just let the child find his own way and follow his own heart until he knows his own path - that is nothing more than legalism and a domineering way of rearing a child.  The worldling parent is not supposed to care if the child goes in a way that is not acceptable to the parent.  The child will find his own way - and besides, it is the height of arrogance to think we KNOW how someone should go! 

The Bible has a much different view here.  God gives us a Law that guides us into the right way and away from the wrong way.  There are certain moral choices that are soundly right - and others that are horribly wrong.  There are choices in the area of sexuality that are the right way to live - and others that are wrong (not just an alternate lifestyle - just wrong).  Taking the time to teach a child these ways - and guide them into these paths - that is what child training is all about.  There is a right way - God's way - and that is how we are to teach our children to walk.  We are to train them that right way - and also to instruct them on the consequences of walking in the wrong way.  We should show them, not just God's instructions, but also God's judgments on certain ways of living and certain choices that they might make. 

Then there is the promise.  It is a bold promise.  Even when he is old he will not depart from it.  As the child grows older - with instruction, discipline, warnings, encouragements and everything else a parent should use to teach him - that child will not depart from God's way.  The example of the parent is also vital here because we teach not just with words - but with our actions as well.  When they see these things - hear these things - watch these things modeled before them - then then will know the way in which to walk. 

This proverb involves so much more than just taking a child to church and youth group.  It involves serious child training using God's Word as our blueprint.  It involves selling out on how we live ourselves and laboring to teach our children God's Word on morals and meaning.  We labor - striving to show them God's way - striving to help them see the forks in the road - but also the consequences of taking the wrong turn there.  These are the things that matter if we are to be successful in rearing children for the Lord.  If we instruct and lead in a way that narrows their choices into the wise and godly way - we can be assured that when they grow old, they will not depart from the way in which they were instructed.  It is a promise that God's way - taught in God's way - modeled in God's way - will provide results as a child chooses His way as His own way in life. 
 
 
Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol. Proverbs 23:13-14

Just a warning as I begin today's Proverb of the day . . . those who hold that any type of physical punishment on a child is child abuse will be greatly offended at the wisdom God gives us today.  With that said - I will go on record as supporting the spanking of a disobedient and rebellious child.  We've done it with all six of ours and they seem to have adjusted well - none of them are ax murderers or any other kind of violent offenders. 

All this being said - mostly tongue in cheek - there are proverbs about child rearing that I find humorous.  This is one of them.  This proverb begins by saying that we do not need to hold back discipliine from a child.  This is actually one of the most "unloving" things you can do to your child.  You are ensuring that the child will be used to getting his or her own way - and that they will indeed be a spoiled brat as they grow older.  At the very least, you are making sure they will be selfish - and that the lessons they should have learned early in life will be learned with much harder lessons later in life. 

All children are born selfish and self-centered.  This is due to the fall of man into sin.  I realize that this particular view runs counter to most educational models of this present world.  They believe that man is basically good and that if we just get out of man's way with our oppressive rules and regulations - man would find his own way to the next level of evolution.  The Bible teaches that man is fallen - and that given his own way that man will ruin himself eventually.  We watch this in our world in general from year to year - decade to decade - and millenium to millenium.  But we can watch the same thing with a child.  Every child needs discipline.  Some will seem to more naturally be given to disicpline - while others are terrors from birth.  You can be assured of a different ride based on the basic temperment of the child - but all need discipline. 

What I find funny about this passage is the next statement.  "Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die."  Some will try to argue that the rod refers to the mouth or some other ridiculous translation stretch.  The rod refers to a stick or switch or some other instrument which you use to strike the child.  The word "strike" here is the Hebrew "nakah" and it means to strike or to smite.  It speaks of a physical strike.  Now the intent here is not to damage the child - but to sting the child with the spanking so as to administer a physical response to disobedience.  As the child grows older the striking or smiting should be eventually replaced with reason and understanding.  But when they are little the physical pain is to direct them away from the wrong - and eventually into the right as their reasoning skills grow.  They learn obedience from what they suffer in this part of being disciplined.  What I find funny - is that the Bible tells us that the child won't die when you strike him or her.  First, that should tell us that the intent is not to damage the child - but it also reminds me of the way a couple of my kids reacted to being spanked.  Some would do all they could to not register any kind of response.  Others though could have won an academy award with theirs.  You would think they were about to die with the way they carried on about the spanking.  We would talk and remind them why they were being disciplined - and afterward would hug them and remind them that we loved them.  But during - oh, during the discipliine one would have thought that they were about to die.  I think this statement here is for parents - to remind them that some of us do have the more dramatic children who will pitch a fit over their discipline.

The second verse - verse 14 then reminds us of the reason for the discipline in the first place.  We will strike our child with the rod - and rescue them from Sheol.  Sheol is the place of the dead - it is the place where punishment is given until the final day of judgment.  If left to themselves, children will run the way of their sin nature.  They will not come to Christ on their own - neither will they often see the value of godly discipline and godly character.  Character is not a given in a child (or an adult for that matter).  Character is built from times of discipline and molding.  Those moments honestly, are usually more painful that many of us would like to admit. 

To withhold discipline and spankings from a child is actually a cruel thing to do.  Life is eventually going to administer discipline to us.  We face it every day.  Waking up in time to get to work is discipline.  There are days when I do not find it pleasurable - but I discipline myself to do it for the good.  Eating properly and exercising for my health can be a discipline that is not enjoyable.  I would prefer eating 25 chocolate chip cookies - but discipline myself not to for the good in the end.  I learn to exercise because the 30-40 minutes of discipline results in an entire day feeling good and being able to live a longer, healthier life.  Rearing a child to think that discipline is not a part of life is cruel.  They grow up wrongly thinking that everything is going to be easy and fun.  I am not one of those who think we should make all learning fun.  To be honest - some learning is just - well learning.  It is hard to memorize - but it bears such wonderful fruit.  It is hard to discipline myself to read 4 chapters of the Word every day - but it has yielded a strategic grasp of the Bible I could not have gotten any other way.  Discipline is part of life.  Proverbs itself tells me that reproofs for discipline is the way of life.  If we lived in a pefect world where selfishness and self-centeredness were not affecting us - we could live in a world without discipline.  But we do not.  We live in a world where people are selfish - where we ourselves our selfish.  That is why we need discipline.  And those who receive it early in life from loving parents are far better off than those who think they are blessing their children by withholding it. 
 
 
Stripes that wound scour away evil, And strokes reach the innermost parts. Proverbs 20:30

Our society has grown beyond the point of punishing people - for we have become enlightened to where such things are seen as barbaric.  We even hold such a view of child training as well.  Yet the words of Scripture stand here - and even shock our sensibilities in the 21st century.  Now, am I saying here that we should return to caning people - putting them on a whipping post?  My answer to this is simply - such a thing is not allowed in our culture - but I'm not so sure that such things are too much to our advantage.  Let's begin by looking at the passage itself - then we'll come back to my shocking comments - and maybe some shocking conclusions. 

"Stripes that wound" definitely shocks us.  The phrase means stripes that are delivered that leave bruises.  It can also mean stripes from some sort of corporal punishment.  There is no doubt that this means corporal punishment.  21st century society in the West shrinks from such a statement in horror.  We have come beyond this point - we are enlightened.  Hmmm - and how is that working for our society?  Has our system of crime and punishment led to a safer and more secure society?  Do we have "repeat" offenders - does our system "scour away evil"?  Although I'm sure some reading this would consider me little more than complete barbarian for saying so - I'm not sure that we have the perfect system in place. 

It is interesting to note that in Taiwan, where corporal punishment is used for certain offenses - their crime rate is far lower than ours - and their repeat offender rate is a fraction of what ours is.  Could it be that a controlled corporal punishment is good for us?  Could it be that receiving a beating, a caning, or some other form of corporal punishment is a greater deterent to crime and misbehavior in society than is encarceration for months and years?  In a world where our penal system has become little more than "Crime University" for those who are there - where they are trained in crime and recruited for a lifetime of law-breaking - can we honestly say that what we are doing is what is most effective?

God tells us that corporal punishment "scours away evil." The phrase used here speaks of using a type of brillo pad to scrape and scour out a metal pan.  This was the way they cleaned vessels in biblical days.  They would scour out a pot, making sure that it was clean of debris and of rust.  When they were done - there was nothing harmful left.  There is a cost to corporal punishment - a true physical cost - and the pain experienced reminds us to avoid such behavior in the future.  Granted such punishment must be closely controlled to make sure that it does not cross over into abuse.  (The Scriptures did not allow a man to be whipped beyond 39 stripes.)  But physical pain is a motivator - a powerful one.  The natural response in our lives to physical pain is to avoid it.  Think of your own response to any kind of physical pain.  You avoid it - and the only times you allow it is when you know that it has a positive result that goes beyond the pain.  We exercise knowing full well that we will experience soreness - yet we know that such exercise is good for us in the end.  Could it be that corporal punishment has such a value individually and corporately as a society? 

The second half of this proverb says that the strokes reach our innermost parts.  Too many look at corporal punishment in light of the physical pain - but according to the Word of God - these strokes reach our innermost parts.  There is more than just physical pain in the flesh going on in the person receiving it.  There is something communicated to the "inner man."  There is warning - there is instruction - there is correction.  We remember the pain and honestly - the humiliation involved.  Corporal punishment is forced humility - which is something the proud need to humble them to obey the law - to obey what is best for their souls.  When it is over we think to ourselves - I won't do that again!

Where this is true of the physical - it is also true of the spiritual stripes that are delivered when we are experiencing the judgments and corrections of God.  Here is another thing that is rejected by most of the 21st century enlightened ones.  God would not punish - He does not judge!  They are indignant with the very thought of such a thing. 

God is an excellent parent - the best of the best.  His children need rules - need laws - need limits.  When they step over those limits there are consequences.  No matter how much we or our government want to create a world without consequences - such a world is NOT GOOD for us.  It is better that we experience the pain of what our disobedience brings - for such things keep us from future disobedience.  The consequences of our actions act like a loving stripe and a gracious stroke that will scour evil from our souls.  These things reach our very innermost being.  It would be wonderful if we would simply hear God's Word - obey it and be blessed 24 hours of every day.  But we are fallen - and we think we're smarter than God.  We disregard the instruction and forge on thinking that we really know better - or that the rules really don't apply to us.  Then the consequences of our actions come like stripes to our souls.  Those strokes reach our innermost parts and instruct us that we can ignore and contradict God - but we do so at the peril of our own safety and happiness.  God's scouring in these situations cleanses us and makes us much less interested in evil in the future. 

Stripes and strokes - whether physical or spiritual - are actually good for us.  Without them we will place too much trust in our own faulty conclusions when they contradict those of God, Who truly does know best.  Is all this pleasant?  Not in the least - but often the unpleasant is far more instructive to us than a world without any consequences or punishment.  Some describe this world without punishment or consequence as paradise.  In the end though, such a world is only a breeding ground for pride, arrogance, and a foolishness that will lead to destruction.  The school of stripes and strokes may seem severe to us now - but in the end they bring peace and joy as we learn the way of God's judgments and corrections - and how to avoid them through a life of submission and obedience to His infinitely wise ways.