Calvary Chapel of Jonesboro
 
Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Here is probably one of the most well known proverbs that there is.  It has to deal with how to rear a child.  Too often it is quoted more like, raise up a child and church - and he won't rebel or depart from going to church or doing the church thing.  Many a devastated parent reads this verse and wonders why little Johnny doesn't go to church any longer - or want anything to do with the Lord.  Let's take a close look at this verse to see what is DOES say and what is DOES NOT say to us as we seek to rear our children for the Lord. 

The word train is very important to know here - as we see that the "training" of the child in the way he should go is imperative to the blessing of him not departing from that way when he is old.  This word is the Hebrew word, "chanak" which means to train or to dedicate.  The root word for "chanak" means to narrow something - thus to initiate, discipline, or train it to that narrow path.  Ah, here we begin to see what God is saying to us about child training.  We are to narrow the child's way - by training and instruction - so that the child's way conforms itself to God's way.  This narrowing had to do with the opening of a path.  It was a constricting of that opening so that someone went a specific way as they sought to enter the path before them.  Let's take a moment and talk about how this is applied to child training. 

When we talk about "narrowing" a child's way - we are talking about discipline.  When they are little it means instructing - but also if necessary corporal punishment (spanking if you will) in order to train the child that there are certain things you just do not do.  If you choose to do these things there will be punishment.  It means we MUST correct our children when they act out in a way that is contrary to God's way.  When we refuse to do this - we are not helping our child find his way - we are confusing them.  Study after study has shown that children desire boundaries - and that they will test the ones that are imposed to see if they are truly boundaries or not.  Create godly boundaries for a child (oh, and by the way, live by them yourself as well) and a child will have a great deal of stability in his or her life.  In many ways, to rear a child in this way is simply to prepare him for a life of discipleship later.  Jesus calls us to "Make disciples of all the nations."  This means our own children as well.  When we teach them that disicpline is the "way of life," we prepare them for the reality that reward and punishment - really are the way of life.  They will face such things all the remainder of their days.  It is best to begin young teaching them such things - and showing them through our discipline that there are very real consequences for act

Too many see child reading in this permission society as letting a child find his own way in the world without the parents doing much to get in his way.  This is a sure way to lose a child - to have them follow after their own sinful nature and ruin themselves by indulging their flesh and walking in an ungodly path.  Adam Clarke spoke of this passage as teaching a child how to narrow the opening of his path so that he was directed in God's way, no matter what chioce he had to make.  Clarke spoke of how we needed to show the child the path - instruct him on the duties, dangers, and blessings of the path - and then do all we can do guide the child so that he takes God's path.  Thus when a child faces the reality of life in this world - and the choices that are placed before Him - then that child will be able to reason from the Scriptures and know how to conduct himself or herself in the world. 

We are told to train up this child in the "way" he should go.  Way is our old Hebrew friend, "derek" and it means a path, a way - and was probably the word used most often to speak of choices someone would make that would lead to a lifestyle - or way of living.  Note here that we are to train up this child to the lifestyle and way - the path of life in which he "SHOULD" go.  Here we face a very serious problem when we present this to the average worldling of today.  A way in which someone "should go" indicates that one way is superior to another - something this world finds anathema to their worldview.  They think all lifestyles and all paths are the same.  Thus to say a child has a way he "should go" rather than to just let the child find his own way and follow his own heart until he knows his own path - that is nothing more than legalism and a domineering way of rearing a child.  The worldling parent is not supposed to care if the child goes in a way that is not acceptable to the parent.  The child will find his own way - and besides, it is the height of arrogance to think we KNOW how someone should go! 

The Bible has a much different view here.  God gives us a Law that guides us into the right way and away from the wrong way.  There are certain moral choices that are soundly right - and others that are horribly wrong.  There are choices in the area of sexuality that are the right way to live - and others that are wrong (not just an alternate lifestyle - just wrong).  Taking the time to teach a child these ways - and guide them into these paths - that is what child training is all about.  There is a right way - God's way - and that is how we are to teach our children to walk.  We are to train them that right way - and also to instruct them on the consequences of walking in the wrong way.  We should show them, not just God's instructions, but also God's judgments on certain ways of living and certain choices that they might make. 

Then there is the promise.  It is a bold promise.  Even when he is old he will not depart from it.  As the child grows older - with instruction, discipline, warnings, encouragements and everything else a parent should use to teach him - that child will not depart from God's way.  The example of the parent is also vital here because we teach not just with words - but with our actions as well.  When they see these things - hear these things - watch these things modeled before them - then then will know the way in which to walk. 

This proverb involves so much more than just taking a child to church and youth group.  It involves serious child training using God's Word as our blueprint.  It involves selling out on how we live ourselves and laboring to teach our children God's Word on morals and meaning.  We labor - striving to show them God's way - striving to help them see the forks in the road - but also the consequences of taking the wrong turn there.  These are the things that matter if we are to be successful in rearing children for the Lord.  If we instruct and lead in a way that narrows their choices into the wise and godly way - we can be assured that when they grow old, they will not depart from the way in which they were instructed.  It is a promise that God's way - taught in God's way - modeled in God's way - will provide results as a child chooses His way as His own way in life. 
 
 
Grandchildren are the crown of old men, And the glory of sons is their fathers. Proverbs 17:6

Here is a verse that we as fathers and grandfathers need to read and have as our goal as parents.  It speaks of how grandchildren and children should feel about one another.  We are currently suffering from a lack of "fatherhood" in our nation.  Fathers are abdicating their responsiblities and leaving children to be reared solely by their mothers (with some children even being rejected by their mothers and being left to a grandmother, relative, or the state system.  With all due respect to the moms, grandmothers, and those in the foster care system who are doing their best - dads cannot be replaced.

Grandchildren are the crown of old men.  We see this in one way when we run into the grandfather who has a wallet full of pictures and a heart filled with pride over his precious grandson or granddaughter.  He could tell stories for an hour or more about this precious one who is so dear to his heart.  But there is a greater thing we also need to see.  Children's children are the product of a job well done by a parent.  It is one thing to see our children follow the Lord - and it is a joy to see.  But a greater joy even than this is when our children also learn from our example to rear their children in the Lord as well.  When we see multiple generations blessed by the work of the Lord in their hearts, we experience the crown - the vicotry that God desires for us in our families.  A grandfather who is spiritually minded delights to watch his own children teach his grandchildren to walk with God.  One of the things that God desired in His people, was that fathers would take seriously their spiritual responsibility of rearing their children in His ways.  This was seen when "many generations" were blessed. 

This only happens when we see the second part of this proverb embraced.  We read, "The glory of children are their fathers."  This does not happen automatically.  It requires a father who looks at his responsibility to lead his family - and who seeks to fulfill that responsiblity - not for just a day, or a week, or even a year.  He seeks to live out God's best for a lifetime.  I've watched men do this and it is a joy to watch how their children view them.  One man I know personally is his daughter's hero.  I watch his 3 daughters as they are around him.  Many men would give all that they have to see that look in their daughter's eyes.  To these girls, their father is their glory.  I also know a man whose son looks at him in the same way.  This young man truly has a worthy hero - and the hero is not some athlete or movie star whose life does not deserve emulation.  His hero is his dad. 

Let me say that these looks do not come cheap.  These two men have given their lives to love the Lord first - their wives second - and their children third.  They have their priorities straight - and they live by them.  They don't have a ton of hobbies - and are not men who live for themselves and what they want.  They sacrifice and live to please God and to love others.  They lay down their lives on behalf of their wives and children.  This is a daily act on their part that may seem costly to some men - but these two dads would say that it was a mere pittance compared to what they've received through the love of their families. 

We have a picture of how things should be.  Grandchildren should be the crown of the old men who have them.  Children should glory in their fathers.  That is the norm in the kingdom of God.  The question we should then ask as fathers is very simple.  "Are we living in such a way that they have someone in whom to glory?"  Our ultimate example in all this is God.  He gave and gave - and lives to bless His children - even when they are not exactly worthy of blessing.  May we make it our lifelong ambition to be "like Him."  Be like the ultimate Father - and give ourselves for our bride and children.  When we do so, we will find that there are blessings - marvelous blessings for a job well done in this area.

 
 
The words of Agur the son of Jakeh, the oracle. The man declares to Ithiel, to Ithiel and Ucal: Proverbs 30:1

Here we have an interesting verse in Proverbs.  It is generally accepted that this person named Agur was an actual man - and that his students, Ithiel and Ucal were also real as well.  Thus this is probably part of the collection of wisdom that Solomon had.  He was probably greatly impressed by this collection of wise sayings and incorporated it into his own collection as well. 

What do we know of these three men.  Well, beyond the meaning of their names and this particular collection of sayings - nothing.  Yet God used them to offer to us an entire chapter of Agur's wise sayings.  In fact, Agur is called, "the oracle," which means that Solomon considered him a prophet - or at least a man inspired by God to put these sayings from Him into a list of sorts.  Let's take a closer look at their names and what they mean. 

Agur means collector or gatherer.  This name probably designates that he was a collector of wise sayings - but the "son of Jakeh" refers to his father.  Jakeh means to be on one's guard - and this particularly before God Himself.  Thus the idea here is that of piety - guarding ourselves before God - and guarding others so that they walk in godliness.  Thus, when we grasp Agur's full name - he would be considered to be the gatherer, the son of the man who guarded piety - who desired to walk in holiness and purity before God.  If a name meant anything - and in Hebrew culture it did - then this was quite a man God used to collect these sayings from God and then declare them as an oracle from God Himself.

Not only did this man offer these wise sayings as much needed wisdom - he took the time to state them to others.  Ithiel and Ucal were Agur's students.  Ithiel means, "with me is God" while Ucal means "to eat or to devour."  These are quite the names of his students.  Evidently his students wanted the presence of God in their lives - and also had a hunger for the things of God.  At least this is what their parents hoped and desired for them when they named their children. 

We come back to this verse - apart from trying to gain information from the names themselves and see a very important principle of discipleship here.  At face value, we have a situation where a godly man - even a prophet or oracle of God is taking two others under his wing for the purpose of declaring to them the things God has made known to him.  This is the heart of true discipleship.  Life on life ministry is so important.  It is not enough to just try to read the Bible - we so desperately need for godly men to pour their lives into younger men and pass wisdom to them.  Jesus did it with 12 - Paul did it with Timothy, Titus, Philemon, Epaphroditus and others.  If we are wise, we will do it too.