He who sires a fool does so to his sorrow, And the father of a fool has no joy.    Proverbs 17:21

Wisdom knows that children can be a source of great joy - and also a source of incredible sorrow.  This particular proverb points us to the fact that a man who has a child - and that child becomes a fool - is a man who will have a great deal or sorrow, pain, and difficulty.  There are a couple of things we should note, though, in this statement.

When a man sires a fool - it is not just the process of having a child that is meant here.  God calls us to rear our children according to His Word - making sure that we first live it before them - and also that we spend time teaching them this Word as well.  Listen to what God says in Deuteronomy on this issue.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.  “You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.  “You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.  “You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.  (Deuteronomy 6:5-9)

It is so important to see here a call to reality in our own spiritual walk first.  We are to love God with all our heart, soul, and might.  We are to put His Word on OUR hearts first.  Then right after this is the command to teach these things DILIGENTLY to our children.  The way this is said givbes the impression that this is to be part of our lifestyle.  When we do not do this - we are paving the way to be one who has sired a fool.  But the reality is that the foolishness was not inherent in the child - it often is a learned response.  Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, proverbs tells us, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.  Often a fool is created by one who thinks that discipline and correction are too strident for a child.  The fact is leave these things out of a child's life - and you will sire a fool before it is over.

The father here has no joy - because has to watch his son live like a fool.  He watches his boy live a life that is very self-destructive.  He also watches as the lack of his own parenting comes back to haunt him.  Let me give a brief testimony concerning rearing children.

God has blessed me with 6 wonderful children - and a very, very godly wife.  We are in the twilight of rearing our children.  Child-rearing is not a spectator sport - and often is a full contact - heart-breaking activity.  God has blessed us with very godly kids who have a heart for God.  But this was NOT something that was like falling off of a log.  There were times when we taught - times when we had to discipline - and times when we wondered if discipline even worked.  But we trusted God's Word.  There were also times when we had to confront our teenage children with their lifestyle choices.  We faced times when we were the "uncool" parents - and even times when one would tell us that they hated us and that we were ruining their lives.  Ah, good times . . . But there were also times when we would invest in our children - being at events - spending hours talking, listening, and even answering difficult questions.  All this required time, effort, and at times very tough choices. 

I am saying this to say that too many men are little more than sperm donors to their children.  I know that is a rough statement - but rearing children requires a lifetime committment to them - and to God.  By the way, it also requires learning how to walk with god yourself.  There were times when God would call ME on the carpet - rebuke me - and correct me.  Honestly - the best place to learn parenting is from how God dealt with His people.  There were times when I would have to face the fact that I had been a hypocrite - and then would have to sit my children down and admit it to them!  We were anything but "perfect parents."  We were participants in the gospel and the grace of God.  We were participants in growing up in the Lord.  I know that at least I was a royal doofus many times.  There are times when I wonder how any of my kids could turn out well when I look at the progression of my own heart.  When I think of how often I fell - how often I failed - and how often I was on my face dealing with my own sin.  I've had to face daily discipline from God - and from brothers who help me stay committed to the Lord.  Without this - I would have utterly destroyed my testimony. 

Here is what I am trying to say.  Life is a full-contact sport.  It is hard.  It is difficult and often is exhausting.  It also has a million blessings intersperced in it as well.  To live it - we have to turn to God a billion times - often wondering when we will ever get it right.  But this IS life.  We sire fools when we do not both walk with them through this wonderful gauntlet - as well as teach them and cheer them on as they make their way through after us.  It requires us to live our lives for God's purposes and plans - even in having children.  It requires us to die daily to ourselves and live for God's glory in it all.  Is this easy . . . NO!  Is it possible . . . YES!  Is it rewarding and awesome and amazing as we walk with God through it all . . . ABSOLUTELY!  Therefore, I urge you men out there reading this to take the task of loving God, loving your wife, and siring and rearing children very seriously.  It will take your whole life to do it - it will cost you everything to accomplish it - but it will mean everything to you when you look back on it with joy - seeing your kids follow Christ. 

A wise son makes a father glad, But a foolish man despises his mother.   Proverbs 15:20

At first look this proverb might look a little prejudiced, giving dad all the gladness and mom the pleasure of being despised by the foolish son.  Yet the proverb actually reveals some interesting things to us about children and how they affect both parents as they grow older and make choices according to the way that we have taught them. 

One would think this proverb is about parents and their reward for rearing godly children, but it is not.  It is rather a proverb dealing with children - and is a warning to them.  First, we see that a wise son makes his father glad.  When you see a son who is wise, he is going to be the delight of both parents, but especially his dad.  He will speak glowingly of his boy, not because of all his achievements, but rather because he acts with wisdom in all his ways.  You can have a very successful son in the eyes of the world, and still have a child who is a fool.  Many fortunes have been won then lost because a young man is filled with business savvy, but has no wisdom in the way he lives with the riches he amasses.  A wise son, though not rich or wealthy, is such a delight to his father.  He watches his boy make good decisions - to love his wife and his children.  He watches as his boy makes decisions according to the wisdom his father has taught him - both his earthly and heavenly Father that is. 

Our proverb turns to the mother though, and refers to how her foolish son treats her.  The passage says that he despises her.  The word for "despises" is the Hebrew word "bazah" which means to hold in contempt and disdain; to consider worthless or vile.  It is quite a strong word and it indicates a child who is very foolish because he does not appreciate his mother.  He holds her in contempt even though she has loved him  and cared for him.  Many a foolish boy is ashamed of his mother - and cringes when she shows him love openly.  Such a young man will not be blessed in his life, because he disdains one of the choicest servants he will ever know.  In despising his mother like this, he disains his father on earth - her husband, and he disains his Father in heaven - her maker and the One who gave her to him. 

How a child views his mother has much to say about his heart.  The child who is more concerned with looking cool to his friends will treat his mother with contempt and disdain.  He breaks her heart often - even though she continues to serve and love him.  This young man has no humility or gratefulness, which will come back to haunt him later in life.  He spurns her wisdom for the opinions of his foolish friends.  Solomon's son did this with his father's advisors and watched his kingdom split as a result. 

Oh, young man - and honestly, even older men.  Treasure the mother that God gave you as one of His choicest gifts.  Openly acknowledge her to others and praise her before your friends.  I often tell people that when a young man courts your daughter, pay close attention to how he treats his mother.  You are watching in that how he will one day treat your daughter.  When a man cannot love and honor and treasure his mom, you are looking at a fool.  That fool will not prosper in ways that matter for eternity - you can bank on the Word of God that this will be true.  Therefore fathers, teach your sons by your actions and attitudes to honor their mothers - to thank them for all that they have done for them.  Teach them that this is practice for having a prosperous and delightful marriage.  If they cannot treasure the woman who they can see - how will they be ready to treasure one they have not seen yet?

Should your springs be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets?  Let them be yours alone And not for strangers with you. Proverbs 5:16-17

Part of sexually sane living is realizing what is at risk when we begin having sex outside the bounds of our marriage.  Here we have a reference to where our seed as men will go when we decide to begin committing adultery. 

The father tells his son not to have his springs dispersed abroad - like streams of water in the streets.  The picture here is how a man's seed should be kept for his wife - and only his wife.  When a man begins committing adultery and resorting to women who do the same, he is risking pregnancy with a woman who is not his wife.  Unfortunately we have myriad examples of this in our current day.  Men, who do not care with whom they have sex, wind up impregnating women who are not their wives.  Thus their seed is like a spring dispersed abroad - like water in the streets.  The result is a society where there are illegitimate children running around - without fathers.  A man who does such things is a man who will have his name and his reputation damaged over time.  Since he does not care for the children properly they tend to go astray and to cause problems.  When people learn that they are the illegitimate children of a man - that man's name suffers greatly - as do the children whom he has sired - but does not rear for God.

God says to let our seed by ours alone - and not something that is shared with strangers.  God intended for a man and a woman to be married, then to share in sexual intercourse.  It was never His intention or will that men should have multiple children with multiple wives.  This creates very serious problems over time.  It causes problems for the family - for the husband and wife - for their children - and for the child who is uncared for by a father later in life.  There is also the problem of what happens to the woman who is used in this way.  Quite often this woman grows very bitter and angry at the man who has used her for sex - but is unwilling to commit to her . . . or to her child. 

God knows the damage that comes from ignoring His Word and the principles upon which it is based.  This is multiplied many times over when a man fathers illegitimately.  Unfortunately most men do not even consider such things - they are looking only for the pleasure of the moment rather than thinking about the long-term affects of their immorality.  That is why it is left to godly fathers to warn their sons of such things.  May we be wise and do such things with our sons and daughters - to hopefully promote a little more sexual sanity in our world.  

Drink water from your own cistern And fresh water from your own well. Proverbs 5:15

As David finishes teaching Solomon about the need for purity and faithfulness to marriage, he turns to several verses of instruction.  He has given his son a command to steer clear of adultery, prostitutes, and sexual sin.  He has given him very severe warnings about what will happen if he succombs to such things.  Now he turns his attention to some principles by which his son should live.  This is a call for sexual sanity in a world that knows little of it.  These verses should be known and taught to men and boys everywhere.  I fear that because we do not teach such things to our guys, we suffer greatly because of a lack of wisdom and direction in such areas.

Throughout this section David uses imagery to get his point across to his son.  Most of this imagery is not difficult to follow, although there is some debate on it.  Today's verse is pretty clearly speaking of being faithful to your wife.  David tells Solomon to "Drink water from your own cistern."  The cistern is a reference to a wife given by the Lord.  Here Solomon is reminded to seek out his needs for sexual intimacy in his home, with his wife.  David is saying to him, "Be satisfied with your own wife - and find fulfillment in your relationship and physical intimacy with her."  As a man would drink water from his cistern and from the fresh water of his own well, so a man should enjoy the satisfaction of conjugal love with his wife.

Note that here we see this referred to as "fresh water" from one's own well.  In the modern era we've seen the horrible effects of people drinking bad water.  When a disaster takes place in the world one of the most oft seen diseases is cholera - which comes primarily from drinking bad water.  Spiritual and relational cholera happens when we decide that we want to drink from the waters all over the streets - rather than drink from the fresh waters of our own well.  We have also seen in the modern era the meteoric rise of sexually transmitted diseases which are running rampant in our world. Such diseases are completely unnecessary and can be avoided entirely.  The problem lies in that mankind does not like the cure - sexual abstinence before marriage and faithfulness to monogamy within marriage.  Because much of society has rejected such things, we endure over 35 incurable sexually transmitted diseases that roam almost unchecked in our society. 

The simple counsel of a godly father to his son is the start of sexual sanity in our minds and in our lives.  It is a guard against so many things that when loosed are a pandora's box of problems for us and for our nation.  The onl way that we can begin to address all of pandora's evils is to have godly fathers once again arise and be first an example to their children - and then teach them by precept as well of God's ways and paths.  In the day that this happens, we will begin to see a revival of sexual sanity once again in our homes, our community, and eventually our nation.

But he does not know that the dead are there, That her guests are in the depths of Sheol. Proverbs 9:18

We now come to the closing verse of the this passage.  We have been warned of the dangers of listening to Folly and her call to live foolishly.  We've seen where she dwells and from where she is callling us.  We've also seen that she is calling us with deception and lies.  But the final warning that is given to us has to do with where those who listen to her wind up going. 

One of the reasons we listen to the call of foolishness is because we do not realize where we will wind up spending eternity if we follow her counsel.  We are told that we do not know, as we foolishly listen and follow her counsel that we will end up dead.  We will go to the dead - because that is where all her guests find themselves in the end.  What an interesting picture this paints for us.  She invites guests to come and partake of what she offers to them.  Yet what she feeds them, though appetizing at first - winds up killing them spiritually.  What a hostess she is to us - lying to us and deceiving us into eating what will bring us death.  This gives us another clue to where she is from.  The other one who did this did it in the garden - with the offer of food to Adam and Eve.  Satan offered them what seemed to be food that was delightful to the eye and that also looked good for food.  But when they partook of it all they received was death.  The same lie that was offered in the garden is the same lie that is still being offered to people by Folly today.  And it has the same consequences - it yields death for us instead of life.

A wise man will learn how to discern when foolishness is calling.  It is not an easy thing to do because we are fallen - and our tendencies are to walk in such things.  It is only as we renew our minds with God's Word that we will be able to detect the lies of the evil one, the calls of foolishness to us, and the deception that is involved.  But no matter what the cost for us - to discern foolishness' call is vitally important for us.  It is also vital that we take the time to instruct and advise our sons and daughters to do the same.  May God bring up a generation that learns to reject Folly's call - and instead - have our ears and spirits in tune with the voice of God's Spirit instead.

"Whoever is naive, let him turn in here," And to him who lacks understanding she says, "Stolen water is sweet; And bread eaten in secret is pleasant." Proverbs 9:16-17

Up to this point we have only had limited information upon which to examine Folly's call to us.  We have had to use our understanding and insight to see that such a call is detrimental to us.  But when we come to verse 16 of this passage we no longer have the slightest doubt that the call to foolishness is a call to wicked, sinful choices and to a life embracing deception and lies.

"Stolen water is sweet."  This is the statement that Folly offers to us.  This is her advice to those seeking to make their paths straight in life.  This phrase is actually saying to us that stolen water is sweeter than water that you have by normal legal means.  We are being told that there is something about immoral, illegal behavior that makes the water taste just better than it normally does.  The quest of stealing it adds something - maybe a sense of adventure and risk - that just drinking your own water does not provide. 

There is a biblical allusion here that Keil and Delitzsch offer that is fascinating to me.  A passage in Proverbs chapter 5 is mentioned where we are told to "Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well." (Proverbs 5:15).  What is counselled here is that drinking stolen water or water that is NOT from your own spring or well - is compared to adultery.  If that is the case here in Proverbs chapter 9, then this passage explodes with meaning - and warning.  Folly will encourge you to drink sexually from a fountain other than that of your own marriage.  Adultery and fornication are being encouraged.  Steal a drink from your neighbor's marriage - or from an unmarried woman's life - that kind of sex is far more sweet than being faithful to your own marriage.  This is wicked counsel of the worst order!  Whether or not this refers to stealing water - or adultery and fornication - either way, Folly is out to destroy us.

The second thing she says to us is that ". . . bread eaten in secret is pleasant."  Here again Follly is saying to us that we need to be deceptive.  Simply eating bread with family or friends is not enough.  We need to be eating bread in secret - which intimates that we are doing something that necessitates hiding from others.  Anyone with an eating or drinking problem will tell you that when you begin to hide your eating or drinking from others and do it secretly - you've got a serious problem.  When I sneak a cookie - or buy some kind of food I know I shouldn't be eating - it is amazing how often I eat this food away from the sight of family - who lovingly would warn me that eating that way is not the healthiest choice for me. 

The sad thing is that Folly is lying to us.  She is saying to us that even the water and the food taste different when we sin in eating and drinking it.  Normal living, holy living - is a drag - and only people who are boring live that way all the time.  Live on the edge - do something out of the ordinary - live for yourself a little.  These are the messages of the fool - and they are heard and heeded by other fools. 

Amazingly - the truth is that God sees you even when you drink your stolen water - when you commit adultery in secret - or when you eat your bread hidden from the sight of others.  God sees - and He will eventually expose you and show your folly.  It is far better to live in open obedience - than to listen to lies that secret sin is better.  This, though, is something about which we must absolutely warn our children.  These lies WILL come to them and it would be much to their benefit to be able to recognize them as lies when they arrive.  A wise father will take these things to heart and will take the time to faithfully teach his children to avoid them.

Watch the path of your feet And all your ways will be established.  Do not turn to the right nor to the left; Turn your foot from evil. Proverbs 4:26-27

Watch means to weight out or to ponder.  The idea here is that someone is pondering evil and then choosing to avoid it.  It means to seriously think about the path your feet are going to take - and choose to take them in a direction pleasing to the Lord.  Sometimes we don't think enough about the path of our feet.  We just act and go along with our lives.  We don't take the time to think about where we're going - what we're doing - and where it is going to lead when things reach a conclusion. 

We are told that if we will do this we will have all our ways established.  Ways is "derek" which again is the Hebrew word that refers to our lifestyle - the way we're going in life.  To have that way or that lifestyle established means to have it firm and fixed.  It means our lifestyle is one that is upright and good.  We will have a life that matters and just as important - one that will be steadfast in what pleases and honors the Lord.  There is also a sense in which we are being told our lives will last - whereas the worldling and the wicked man will only be temporary. 

When we look at the way of our feet, we need to know not to turn to the right or the left.  This is assuming that our feet are on God's paths and ways and not our own.  When we turn to the right or the left, we are choosing to depart from God's paths and walk in our own, the world's ways, or those of the devil.  Which ever of these three are true, we will find ourselves in a way that is wrong - and ultimately a way that will hurt and cost us. 

The only turn we should make in life is one away from evil.  The word "turn" here is a Hebrew word that means to go away from something, to desert it, to quit, to keep far away.  When we see evil we need to remove ourselves from it - depart - honesly - RUN!  To hang around evil is to court its greater influence in our lives.  When we see evil we should hide ourselves from it.  The longer we remain in the presence of evil, the more likely we are to participate in it.  Thus the wise man runs from evil.

Think about where you're going.  It is important to do this - to consider our lives and examine them from time to time.  It is too easy to begin to wander from the ways of God - too easy to take a path that leads us away from the Lord.  That is why this Proverb helps us so much - it encourages us to think through where our journey reaches its destination.  We think about the end of things.  When we do this - we will see the wisdom of turning away from evil and keeping clear of the wicked one and his ways.  

Let your eyes look directly ahead And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Proverbs 4:25

Godly fathers warn their sons about distractions.  It was a distraction that led to the fall of mankind.  It was when Satan got the man and the woman to look at the one thing they probably should not have set in their sights that they were distracted enough to make the mistake of not just look at it - but partake of the forbidden fruit.  In much the same way, our sons are being constantly given things to look at that are not wise for them to put in the path of their vision.  What we look at long enough - will so fill our vision that we want to partake of it.  That can get our sons in all kinds of trouble.

Dad speaks frankly with his sons, telling them to have their eyes look directly in front of them.  He says this again with greater intensity telling the boys to let their gaze be fixed straight in front of them.  This is important for sons because they are going to face a tremendous amount of visual stimulation from the world.  We are warned against a worldliness where we live for the lust of our eyes.  This warning should remind us as fathers that what our eyes see can stimulate very strong desires that cry out for fulfillment.

David had a vision of a beautiful woman bathing in front of his eyes one evening in Jerusalem.  He could have looked away, but rather than do this, David fixed his gaze upon Bathsheba.  Soon, looking was not enough for David - he had to have more.  That look led to a horrible set of problems, beginning with adultery, and ending with a devastating set of consequences for his entire family - indeed, for all of Israel. 

Oh, how we need to use such things to warn our sons against the sins of the eyes.  How we need to warn them to keep their vision fixed straight in front of them.  They need to have a vision that dominates their lives - and it needs to be one where they focus on Christ.  Paul told us that when we gaze at Him with unveiled faces that we will be transformed into the very image that is set before our eyes.  May we be diligent in encouraging our sons to have that vision be the Lord Jesus Christ!

Put away from you a deceitful mouth And put devious speech far from you.
Proverbs 4:24

Any godly father who understands spiritual things knows that when urging his sons to have godly hearts, he must also address in almost the same breath how they use their mouths.  Jesus taught us the truth that it is out of the mouth that we know the condition of the heart of a man.  He told us that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.  Therefore when we take the time to examine the things that are coming out of our mouths, we will be able to better know what is lodging in our hearts.

The father frankly speaks to his sons about the need to put away a deceitful mouth and devious speech.  The first term here about a deceitful mouth has to do with perversion and deceitfulness.  It is a Hebrew term used to describe a person who speaks without any integrity in God's eyes.  He would rather speak deceptive things than the truth, immoral things rather than moral.  Scripture speaks of such a man as an evil, worthless man in Proverbs 6:12. 

Our society is growing more and more coarse all the time.  We know and see this through the language that we hear in the public square - and from the entertainment industry.  I may sound old fashioned, but I remember speaking with my mouth about how an entire theater gasped in horror when Frank Butler cursed at the end of "Gone With the Wind."  It was a ground breaking moment, but unfortunately was a harbinger of things to come.  Now, what that one actor said is common fare during prime time TV and is considered nothing to us today.  The language that is spewed at all hours of the day should shock us, but unfortunately we just yawn at the spiritual depravity of our day and move on with life.

The only way back to a godly, moral society is to rear a generation of sons who no longer consider such things commonplace.  Unfortunately for us, one of the problems is the current attitude of the church. 
We have moved from a cursing society to a cursing church.  The rave of the day among some of our youth is the rise of conservative, evangelical preachers who litter their sermons with language that at one time made the world gasp in theaters.  This development, while seeming to be really cool to some of our youth - will only result in a continued increase in those whose mouth is revealing a heart filled with perversion.  Some may balk at this assessment, but when we see that the godly father commands his son to put such a mouth away - can this be too far off from the truth?

The second command of the father is for the son to put "devious" speech far from him.  "Luz" is the Hebrew word used here and it means to be crooked or perverse.  The idea here is to deviate from God.  When our speech deviates from God's standards and God's ways - and in all honesty, from God's Word, we are headed in a very dangerous pathway.  Knowing that some will read this wondering just what good, godly speech is - and what words that we should avoid - I want to comment very pointedly about such things. 

Our current crop of curse words are focused on some very interesting things.  A couple of curse words deal with defacation.  When we read in the Old Testament that God required Israel to take a shovel and cover up their waste - it only goes without saying that speech that uses such words on a regular basis probably ought to be buried as well.  The other more common curse words seem to center around a crass way of speaking about the reproductive process.  Once again it is fascinating that God's commentary about this is that the marriage bed is holy and that sexual relations between a man and woman should remain in their own bed - and not in the common conversation of society.  Some will scoff at such statements - but I would argue with them as to what kind of biblical admonition encourages such speech?  Paul writes to the Ephesians, "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification."  Wholesome words are those words that are not rotten - and since God does not encourage worldliness, but greatly discourages it in 1 John 2:15-17 - we might also do well in discouraging speech that far more resembles the world than resembles the Word. 

Fathers, we need to encourage a new generation of young men who speak so as to please God in all that they say.  Their hearts need to glorify God with what dwells in them - and their mouths need to reveal the godliness of their lives by speaking those words that are good for edification according to the need of the moment for those who are listening.  It would bless our society to see men who once again value a common-speak that does not offend or shock - but that blesses and encourages.