A perverse man spreads strife, And a slanderer separates intimate friends. Proverbs 16:28

There are those who through their falsehood and gossip cause great harm to the relationships of others. This can be the case even with intimate friends. The first action of this man is to spread strife. The way that this man does this is through lies and slanderous falsehoods. He starts by lying to one friend of the other about the actions of their "so-called" friend. Those who will not listen to gossip will shut down this kind of ruiniation of another.

The slanderer is just as dangerous - but his falsehood and lies have a far more sinister goal in mind. He is not content to just spread strife and discord. Look at the proverb for today and not that the one filled with slander - does so not just to cause arguments - but also to separate a man from his friend. He has a target in view - and that target is a friendship of which he is very jealous. Why else would he desire to see this relationship destroyed.

Once someone can penetrate your mind with slanderous gossip - it is hard to remedy the situation. The desire is to serarate a man from his friend - so that the one who sabatoged this relationship can see it destroyed. That way he can have a better one - or at least keep the two former friends from making his relationships look weak and feeble. There are some who just are not happy unless they are making others miserable.

Be careful around such perverse, small-hearted people. They are filled with bitterness and hatred because they usually want what you have with a friend - but cannot get it because of their ungodly ways and how they are unable to maintain a relationship due to their own selfishness. Avoid these people like you would avoid the plague!

A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17

One of the greatest blessings that you can have in life is to have both family and friends that are there for you.  This proverb reminds us of those things.  A good friend is a friend who loves you at all times.  The reason this may be said is because we all are aware of the dreaded "fair weather" friend.  This is the friend who is your friend when all is going well.  These kind of friends are a dime a dozen - and even cheaper if you have something they want at the time.  But how they scatter when things go wrong - or you need them for something in a difficult time of your life.  The true friend loves "at all times."    Just a note for us though on this matter of good friends.  As my mother always told me, "If you want to have a good friend, be a good friend."  Before we get too out-rospective bout our friends - we might want to be a little introspective on what kind of friend we've been lately.

The second half of this proverb reminds us though that a brother is born for adversity.  Family is often there when everyone else leaves.  When a troublesome situation arises - one in which all your friends can't be there - your family can - or at least should be.  As a pastor I've watched this again and again.  An illness or injury comes and families rise to their best in taking care of the one who has had the difficulties.  A wife or child sits by a bedside through thick and thin - loving and caring for someone who is in the process of dying.  To have such a family is a blessing beyond imagination.  One of the things that I fear with a society that is gradually tossing the elderly, is that we will consider our older parents something disposable - something that just costs to much to care for - so "death with respect" is pandered as the answer.  So much character and family healing has happened in these times that we will find ourselves infinitely poorer if we think that it is better to assist in our parents deaths - rather than lovingly care for them. 

If you have family and friends who love and stand with you at all times - you are truly blessed.  If you were not blessed with such friends and family - be such a friend and family member.  You may not get all the benefits - but you may start a different trend among those you love.  A trend that could bless among them for generations!

Righteous lips are the delight of kings, And he who speaks right is loved. Proverbs 16:13

One of the things that helps us understand the book of Proverbs is context.  When we read this proverb, we need to grasp again the idea of context here.  We know that not all kings love lips that speak what is right.  Not even all kings listed in the Bible felt this way - in fact far fewer appreciated truth in their people - than those who ruled from a standpoint of falsehood.  But when we remember the previous verse - we see why this passage is here.  Since a divine decision is in the king's lips - those who realize their power that derives from God will love those who advise them to be truth speakers.

Many a king has been destroyed by ungodly advisors.  Those who are merely sycophantic suck-ups will come to the king and speak whatever is easiest to him.  The problem with this is that often a king has to make rulings that don't make everyone happy.  He will have to establish law that will help reign in the natural, selfish and self-centered nature of men.  Without righteous laws - the kingdom will implode due to the inwardly explosive nature of sin.  More than implode - his kingdom will collapse from the lack of character that comes from not dealing with sin in our lives.  The fall has made us prone to ungodliness - not godliness.  Thus a godly king who speaks and hears the truth is a wonderful thing for any nation to have.  Such kings are bred in a hothouse of truth - not in a darkened mansion of lies and flattery. 

Since my guess is that none of us are kings who read and study this verse, what implications and instruction does it have for us?  First, it reminds us of the importance of who we consider our counsellors.  Do we love those who speak the truth to us?  If we do not, we will be liable to having fair weather friends who only say to us what is pleasing at the moment - and who do not warn us of when we are lacking character and godliness in our lives.  That can prove disastrous to us if we are not careful.  Second, we should look at and examine what kind of friend we are to others.  Earlier when I spoke of the kind of leeches that suck-up to those around them - was I speaking of the way you are with your friends.  Do you love them enough to speak the truth to them?  Are you willing to possibly have your friendship cooled for a period because you are a "TRUE FRIEND" who lets them know when sin is leading them down a bad path?  This is where we can take the general truths of a passage and apply them to our own lives.  Granted I figure that few of us will ever be pulled into the inner circle of a major ruler or government official.  But if we do, it is my hope that we will be so used to being the right kind of friend that little will change in regard to how we speak the truth in love for their benefit.

He who loves purity of heart And whose speech is gracious, the king is his friend. Proverbs 22:11

What kind of person is the king's friend?  That is in interesting question because those who have been in places of high authority know that it is often difficult to determine which ones are their friends - and which ones are befriending them for ulterior motives.  When you look at the circle of those who surround the king or leader - among them you will always find the sycophants who are there to get what they can from the king.  They offer their friendship . . . for a price.  What the leader finds in the end is that this person was not really their friend.  Unfortunately for the king, this is only learned when trouble comes - or when the king no longer can give the person what they want.  So what kind of person is the king's friend?

First we learn that he is a person who loves purity of heart.  The term purity here was often used to describe the condition of being "clean" in Israel.  This was a pretty strict definition - and thus it describes someone who is pure to a very high standard.  When used of a person's heart, it referred to someone who was morally pure - as well as ethically pure.  Since it refers to the condition of someone's heart - it speaks of someone who has wonderful morals, wonderful ethics, and whose thoughts and intents were as pure as the driven snow.  The king gravitates to this kind of person because of that purity of heart.  This is a person who would never be the king's friend for the ride.  If he chose to befriend the king - it would be because he wanted to be the friend of the man - who just happened to be the king.  That purity of heart would be such a comfort to someone who could give you so much.  Most likely, this pure-hearted man would refuse the king's gifts and honors - choosing instead to simply be the king's friend - not the king's benefactor.  It is interesting that among the many named as those who surrounded David, one man, Hushai the Archite, was simply known as the king's friend.  He befriended David just because he wanted to be David's friend. 

Hushai the Archite was an interesting man.  We only hear of him twice in Scripture.  in 1 Chronicles he is simply referred to as the king's friend.  The other place we learn of him is in 2 Samuel 15-17.  We see him meeting David as David reaches the top of the Mount of Olives after David has had to leave the throne due to being deposed by his son, Absalom.  He arrives with his coat torn and with dust on his head.  Here was a friend who stuck with David in the very worst of times.  Sometimes the king will only know his true friends when he is deposed.  Hushai was one of those friends who did not care whether David was king or not - he was still his friend.  But when David faced such horrific circumstances, Hushai was there grieving with him through it all.  But Hushai's friendship went far deeper - and endured even more challenges.  David asked him to return to the city and act as Absalom's servant - to thwart the counsel of Ahithophel.  This was dangerous to say the least, because as soon as Absalom sees him - he notes that this was his father's friend.  He even chides him for being a poor friend, turning on David in his hour of need.  At that moment Absalom could have had Hushai killed or imprisoned.  But Hushai went - and served David well.  He did thwart the counsel of Ahithophel - and later alerted David to get over the Jordan for safety even if they possilby did follow Ahithophel's advice.  Here was a true friend, willing to risk his life to protect his friend.

The other factor in being the king's friend was that you needed to have speech that was gracious.  There are times when I wish we would translate Hebraisms directly - because I think they paint a much more powerful picture for us.  The Hebraism here literally says, "and who has grace on his lips."  What a great picture this paints of how this man speaks.  He speaks the truth - but does so with plenty of grace.  That is the kind of friend the king needs.  He needs someone who will tell him the truth - but will do so with much grace as he does so.  Too many around the king simply tell him what he wants to hear.  They become suck-ups who are too busy trying to woo the king's favor.  But a true friend will both speak the truth to us - but will also speak with much grace in what he or she says. 

Here is the friend of the king - with a pure heart and with grace on his lips.  As we look at him closer, we should see here not just a fitting friend for the king, but in all honesty - a fitting friend for anyone!  This description fits what we should want in a friend period.  May God be gracious to us and allow us to find such a friend in our lifetime.  If we do find one - we should thank God for them - and - be such a friend to them as well. 

Do not forsake your own friend or your father's friend, And do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away. Proverbs 27:10

Loyalty is an interesting thing - and something that is not as prevelant in our day.  Too often we don't really know who is living around us - and far too many of us don't have a group of "go-to" friends who will be there for us no matter what.  A wise man knows the value of true friends - and does not abandon them throughout all of life.

Here we see that Solomon tells his son to be a loyal friend.  Don't forsake your own friend - or even your father's friend.  There are blessings that come to us when we have long term friends.  They are there with us in the good and the bad in our lives.  The book of Ecclesiastes tells us that two are better than one - because they have a good return for their labor.  Two when laying down can keep each other warm - and when someone falls - it is always a blessing to have someone to help you to get up off the ground and back on your way.  But then Solomon says in Ecclesiastes, "But woe to the man who has no one to pick him up when he falls."  In closing we read that a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.  Here is why it is good to maintain a loyalty to your friends - and even the friends of your parents.  You need people in your life to help make it strong.  This is especially the case when you fall and have difficult times in your life. 

Having close friends is essential in a society where we don't stay close to family any longer.  The strand ot three cords often cannot include close family - because we don't live close to them any longer.  That is why Solomon tells us that a neighbor who is near is better than a brother who is far away.  When tragedy and trouble strike - they often do so without warning.  In those moments we need someone who can come quickly to our side and offer us comfort and encouragement.  That is the moment when you need the neighbor who is near.  But those kinds of relationships have to be cultivated over time - and that requires both effort and time.  The onset of the television, the internet, and the world where videos and games dominate our time - has led to the lack of skills that are necessary to build long-term friendships - and much necessary fellowship.  We may be able to get an awesome score on whatever Mario game is popular today - or on Halo with some guy from Europe who plays online with us as we attack our imaginary enemies - but we don't seem to be able to walk next door and invite a neighbor over for a meal.  As a result we have multitudes of acquaintenences - but very few close friends.  As a result, we have weak support systems.  We are not a strand of three cords.  Too often we are a single strand just making it in our everyday lives. 

Take the time to make - and keep - close friends.  You probably won't truly appreciate all that they can bring to your life until the moment when you need a neighbor close - rather than a brother far away.  I do not think Solomon is being disrespectful to family.  Family will always come to your aid - at least that was the way I was reared.  But . . . my closest family member is 6.5 hours away.  Therefore I need a neighbor who is near in times of trouble.  They have been there when I needed them.  And their value to me cannot be measured in dollars and cents.  But it can be measured in comfort and encouragement!

He who keeps the law is a discerning son, But he who is a companion of gluttons humiliates his father. Proverbs 28:7

Here is an interesting proverb for us.  In it we find comments about discernment, the Law, gluttons, and the way we represent our families, our fathers in particular.  Yet, all of it boils down to how we maintain a relationship with the Word of God. 

The entire proverb hinges on the first statement.  Here we see a son who "keeps the law."  What is it that this son is doing?  The word for keep is the Hebrew "natsar" and it means that he guards the Word in his life.  He does this by living a life that seeks to obey the Word.  He also is seeking to preserve the Word and its effects in his life.  He does this by hiding the Word in his heart - keeping it in his mind - and realizing that the Word (here the law) is entrusted to him.  Thus he wants to "maintain" a relationship with God's Word.  This is more than just a casual relationship that this son wants to maintain with the Word.  He is longing to protect the way that the Word impacts his life - desiring to maximize it as well!  Because of this - the Word says that this son is discerning.  When we have this kind of ongoing relationship with God's Word - we are putting ourselves in line to being someone with a fair amount of discernment from God.  But why is this the case? 

There is an inherent blessing that comes to us when we "keep the Word" in our lives.  Think about the practices that this involves.  We have a mindset that wants to guard obedience to the Word and what God has said to us today.  We take the time to memorize and meditate on the Word each day.  In the end the Word begins to fill our minds and our thoughts.  We find our thinking processes being transformed by what God says - and we consider what He says as worth guarding and protecting in our lives.  As a result when things happen in this young man's life - he filters it through the Word.  He asks fascinating questions like, "Will this please God," or "Am I glorifying God while doing this?"  He wants to see all of his actions and attitudes agree with what the law says.  He sees it not just as a "have to" situation - but because his heart has worked to keep the law near - it becomes a "want to" one as well. 

This young man will experience the blessing of discernment.  He will have that ability to look at two things that differ - and see the difference in light of the law of God.  He will be able to discern what pleases God and what displeases Him - what delights His heart and what breaks it.  What is even better is that he learns to choose what delihts the heart of his Father!

The contrary of this thought is really interesting.  The opposite is a son who humiliates his father by being a companion of gluttons.  OK - didn't see that one coming when I read the first part of this - but let's take a few moments to break it down and discern wisdom. 

First something indirect we should notice.  If this young man's activities an companionship humiliates his father - it must mean that the father was actively seeking to teach him differently.  Dad was wanting his son to have the law as a guidepost for his son.  He was teaching and training his son to be a young man who could discern God's will through His law.  Thus we come to an interesting question for fathers.  Are you training your sons to be discerning young men who approach all in this world with the Word of God as a filter and a guide?  That is not the main point here - but it is one that is implied.

The main point here though is that the son who is a companion of gluttons will humiliate his father.  A couple of things that a wise man knows.  First he knows that those whom he chooses to be his companions matters.  If he makes the wrong choices about those who are his friends - he will be harmed by it.  Bad company corrupts good morals.  Godless companions will bring about a godless lifestyle in the end.  Minister to the godless - but let your companions be those who honor God and who desire to obey His Word.

Who are these "gluttons?"  The Hebrew word is "zalal" which means to be vile, frivilous, gluttonous, or worthless.  The word was used in Deuteronomy 21:20 to describe a son who is worthless in his character and gluttonous.  A similar word was used to those who drank too much.  It is the opposite of what is useful, valuable, or precious.  This is the word used to describe the foolish son's friends and companions.  They are definitely bad characters - whose character is bad.  They give themselves to excess (thus the word gluttony) and the excess that they embrace is an excess of godlessness and worthless things.  Since this word is set over against the son who watches and keeps God's law - the companions of the foolish son are overindulgent in their appetites for evil.  They are godless - and they take their godlessness to the extreme.

The son who keeps company with such men will humiliate his father.  He will live the life of a profligate - giving himself to the same excess of the flesh and the world that they do.  He will embrace the godlessness - and in so doing will break the heart of his father. 

There is good news in all this though.  Jesus spoke of a son who embraced these kind of companions - and who demanded his inheritance so that he could pay for all the wickedness that money could buy.  His father allowed him to walk away - rich yet very stupid.  His father, I'm sure, was humiliated by his son's godless conduct.  But in this story - the prodigal son wound up wishing he could eat the food that he was feeding to the pigs.  He decided that his godless lifestyle had brought him little joy - and much sorrow and disgrace.  As he returned home to beg forgiveness - and offer himself as a slave to his father - he experienced an astounding thing.  His father had been praying and waiting for his return.  When the father saw this prodigal son, he ran to him and embraced him.  What we learn from this is that even a foolish son who shames his father - is loved by the Father.  He is watching ahd waiting for his return.  Though his actions shamed Him - the Father still loved his son - and rejoiced when he returned.  Wisdom tells us to steer clear of godless companions.  But even though many of us ignore this and walk headlong into sin and wickedness - the Father still waits and watches.  He works so as to bring His wayward sons home.  Those who come and see the radical difference living for Christ makes - embrace the wisdom of turning to God and finding grace and mercy ready to run to them when they arrive in repentance toward God.  So, even if you have been a fool with your companions - and have been corrupted as a result - know that God loves you and is willing to forgive and restore!

All the brothers of a poor man hate him; How much more do his friends abandon him! He pursues them with words, but they are gone. Proverbs 19:7

Fair weather friends . . . what are they.  The phrase comes from the idea of those who will be with you while the weather is good, meaning that everything is good in your life and you have no problems.  But let a storm come into your life - and they abandon you in the midst of it.  They are fair weather friends who only want friends who have no problems or needs.  That is what our passage in Proverbs addresses today.

The brothers of a poor man hate him.  The word poor here means to be a person who has very few resources and no standing or influence in society.  When a man is poor - and has nothing of this world's goods or things to offer - he is not embraced by very many.  Here we read that even his brothers want nothing to do with him.  They don't want a "nobody" as their brother or their friend.  Those who think this way miss the reality that the poor are rich in faith - a fact they would not have overlooked if they know the Scriptures.

The poor and those lacking in power and influence have not fared well over the ages.  They are overlooked and under appreciated.  Not only does the poor man's brothers hate him - but his friends abandon him.  These are the fair weather friends mentioned at the opening of this post.  Friends are not to be chosen on the basis of how much money and influence they bring to the table.  Unfortunately, that is how men think in the world - and honestly - more than occasionally in the church.  The mindset of, "What can you do for me," permeates the choice of friends.  A lack of value on things like wisdom and godliness - only add to this bad habit. 

Though the poor man puruses these fair weather friends with words, they are gone.  The idea here is that they just disappear.  It is not magic at work - it is just greed and human stupidity.  This is truly the saddest when a person plunges into poverty due to problems, sickness, or injury.  It is amazing how a series of problems when they come separate your true friends from those who only want something from you.  The poor are also abandoned in places of power and influence.  This is especially true in the courtroom.  Being poor does not exempt you from obeying the laws of our land - but often it means you do not have the kind of representation that money can buy.  As a result, the poor often feel jilted by our system of justice because of how the rich can use their money to obtain a better result. 

There is one place though where the poor can receive justice - they can receive compassion and mercy.  That is at the throne of Almighty God.  The Bible instructs us that God is not a respecter of persons.  It does not matter what you have or don't have.  God's justice is blind to those things - and is focused on the truth.  He warned His judges not to take bribes from the rich to pervert justice.  He also said that He gives grace to the poor - and that the poor and the rich are alike to Him.  When the world turns its back on the poor - the Lord will not abandon him.  If ever there were a case where money could buy influence it would have been with the rich man and Lazarus.  But the lesson we learn from that story is that God metes out justice and mercy with exacting perfection.  The rich man was held accountable for his riches and lack of mercy - while the poor man was shown mercy, having faced great difficulties in life.  Both will be held to a judgment based on their sins and whether they have been justified by faith - looking to the Messiah as the One who has paid for their sins and given them a standing of righteousness before God.  Though a poor man may not have a friend or a brother who will stand with him in this life, if he knows the Lord Jesus Christ . . . he has a friend who sticks closer than a brother.