The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.  She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11-12

The book of Proverbs speaks to us of the virtuous woman - whom we call the Proverbs 31 woman.  Here we learn how her husband feels about her.  We see that his heart trusts her.  What a wonderful statement.  It is one thing to say that we think we can trust someone - but quite another to say that our heart trusts in them.  That is saying that to the very core of our being we know that we can trust this person.  The heart was considered the very core of the man in Jewish thought.  Therefore to say that the heart of her husband trusts her is to say that at the very center and base of this man's inner core he knows that he can have a reliance on his wife to support and to be there for him.  Even more importantly he knows that her heart belongs to the Lord - so that he can absolutely trust her to do good and to seek the very best for all in the family.

The man who has such a godly woman who seeks the best for her husband and her family will also be blessed with the prosperity of having no lack of gain from her efforts for them.  This is a lady who has the very best interests for her family - God's interests if you will allow me to insert what is being inferred by this passage.  The gain here is not just riches - although this particular lady is quite the businesswoman for her family.  The gain involves some things - but more importantly it involves goods, her service, and the spirit that is in the home because of her ministry and her heart.  Do not discount this aspect of bringing gain to a family.  There are blessings and benefits that the spirit of a home give to a husband and children that cannot be matched by any amount of money.  In a day when so many do not have peace - and too many children go to homes where there is far more turmoil than rest - we do not see like we used to the vaule of a woman who focuses the major part of her life on her husband and family.  Feminist groups denigrate such women, yet to those men who have such a godly lady in their midst - they are worth gold, jewels, and riches to them.

The godly woman does her husband good and not evil all the days of her life.  The word for good used here is "tob" which means to be happy, to be pleased, to be loved, favored - and is also used to speak of doing well and right.  Oh, what blessings there are for a godly woman who does her husband and family good.  They know the joy of having a godly mom and wife - which means that she works to make a happy home - a loved home - a home which is pleasing to God - a favored home.  She lives her live to make sure that what her family sees her doing is what is well and right in the eyes of God.

The word used for evil here is the classic biblical word, "ra" which speaks of misery, injury, calamity, evil, and distress.  This lady shuns such things for her family's sake.  She works to bring God's good to them and to make sure that the work of the enemy s fought at every turn.  As a result she is a guard and protector for her loved ones.  This bent in her is why her husband's heart knows that only what is best will happen in their home due to her efforts.  He trusts her - and also considers her the greatest of blessings to him and to their family.  And since her heart is heavily bent toward not just good things (by whoever decides to define the good) but good as defined by God - there is no hidden cost that will come with the ways that she works to bless her family. 

If you have such a woman in your home and life - consider yourself to be supremely blessed.  Pray that your daughters will strive to be such a woman - and that God will bless your sons with one of these women as a wife.  To have such a lady at the core of a home-life is a blessing given by God - and one that is only bested by salvation itself.

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. Proverbs 31:10

We begin with this verse our introduction into what many call the Proverbs 31 woman.  This first verse in this section lets us know the women we are going to get to know.  We are also told the worth of such a woman.

The Proverbs 31 woman is called "an excellent wife."  The word "excellent" is the Hebrew word "chayil."  It speaks of someone who has strength, efficiency, capability, power, and substance.  The word, according to Zhodiates, hsa the babsic idea of strength and influence.  The word is used of individual, nations, and even armies.  What is being said here is that this is a strong woman - but her strength is from her character and her godly practices.  That will be apparent as we look further into this section of Scripture in future posts. 

The excellent wife is the wife who is both strong and influential.  When speaking of a woman this word often speaks of a virtuous character.  That is the kind of woman who is an excellent wife.  She is one who has a strength and power that comes from godly character traits.  She draws her strength from her relationship with God - and views her family as the first and foremost place where that strength is spent.  Throughout this section of Scripture we read how she works to bless and build up her family.  The praise she receives in this passage comes primarily from her husband and her children.  This is the praise that she desires. 

Before we are through with this passage we will see this godly lady doing a wide variety of things with her time and her energy.  Chief though in all of them is that she fears the Lord.  Her lifestyle choices therefore are not directed by worldly influences.  They are directed by a desire to glorify and honor God.  If she can accomplish this - she is happy.  She views being a wife and mother as the two highest callings that she could ever receive.  She also views those callings from a biblical vantage point.  That means, to put it bluntly, that she is not influenced by the National Organization of Women - or any other organization that views femininity with suspicion. 

Such a woman, according to Proverbs, has a worth far above jewels.  Her worth to her husband is incalculable - even though some well-meaning folks have tried to figure out how much we would pay to have someone do what a stay at home mother does.  The cost of that estimate was in the hundreds of thousands of dollars.  But what we cannot figure into any monetary value is the stability and the grace that a godly wife brings to her family.  We also cannot imagine the costs that would be incurred to future generations if that godly influence were not in the home.  Godly wives are a blessing as well spiritually (in fact that is where their greatest value is seen) which is something we cannot rate in dollars and cents.  Suffice it to say that a godly wife and mother is worthy far more than any army of accountants could figure out in the end.  If you have one - as either a wife or a mom - you should be eternally grateful!

A foolish son is destruction to his father, And the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping. House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD. Proverbs 19:13-14

Two different kinds of homes are shown to us in this proverb - the first in verse 13, and the second in verse 14.  These two different homes will make the difference between a life that is a joy - and one that is most likely pure drudgery. 

The first home has a son - a foolish son who is a destruction to his father.  The word used here for fool is different than we are used to seeing.  It is the Hebrew word "kestyl" and refers to one of several types of fools who are spoken of in Scripture.  He is a fool, according to Ecclesiastes 4:5, 13 who is unable to live life in a successful, practical way.  He is a fool who according to Proverbs 1:22, 32 who scoffs at the things of God and as a result has a lifestyle that is very self-destructive.  Other passages refer to this fool as someone who is rash in his decision making - who pursue foolishness - and who will not have honor but will experience shame due to their decisions and lifestyle.  The father of this fool watches his own life destroyed due to this son.  The word for destruction here refers to destruction that comes because of a rejection of God and a rejection of God's ways and truth.  The father's life is destroyed because of the consequences of his son's life wreaking havoc on his heart and most likely his finances.  To look at an example of this we have to go no further than the story of the prodigal son.  This son was a fool - and demanded half the estate of his father - who chose to give it to him.  Even though this son eventually returned - in the time of his discipline and foolishness he consumed not only half of his father's estate with his ungodly lifestyle - he also consumed numerous hours of his father's concern and heartbroken intercession.  Remember that his father was watching for him - longing for him to return from his godless choices and lifestyle. 

This passage also reminds us that the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping to a man as well.  The picture painted for us by Solomon is that of a wife who is unhappy - and who poures out her unhappiness upon her husband in contentious attitudes and words.  Fascinating is the definition of "madon" the Hebrew word for contention here.  It refers to quarrels and disputes that cannot be stopped once they are set in motion.  They are arguments that create barriers between people - usually caused by a person with a bad temper.  Imagine the poor man who has this to look forward to each day of his life.  He does not have a help-meet - but someone who tears him down every day when he comes home.  Like a dripping leak in the ceiling or a faucet that drives you crazy with the drip, drip, drip sound that never stops - so this man has to deal with an ungrateful, unloving wife who creates tension and dissention in the home rather than an atmosphere of love and peace.

Contrasted to this kind of home, we see in verse 14 the true wealth that God can bring to our lives.  Where a house and wealth can be given to us in the inheritance from our fathers - there is something far more valuable that we should long to receive.  I've watched as people have receieved a large inheritance from their parents.  If gratefully received it can be a huge blessing to the family for generations to come.  But without the second blessing that is mentioned here - entire families can be destroyed for multiple generations.  Whereas we can receive an inheritance from our fathers, a prudent wife is a gift from God Himself. 

The prudent wife is one who is discerning and filled with godly insight. She acts wisely, having understanding and wisdom from which to make her decisions and guide the things that she does each day.  She is intelligent - but with far more than just book-learning.  She is intelligent in the things of the Lord - which allows her to bless her husband and children not just with her teaching, but with the example of her life 24 hours every day.  Her wise prudence allows her to see what is coming - how choices will effect the future - and what choices will make for God's greatest blessing on her and her family.  Truly the gift of this kind of woman in a man's wife is a gift from God.  Whereas money can be good or bad for us - a prudent wife will be blessing at all times.  Her influence on a home and on children and grandchildren will bless a family for multiple generations.  When the Scriptures tell us that her worth is beyond gold, silver, and precious stones - it is not kidding us.  When you have a prudent wife - you are being blessing with a fortune that will last long after the money and things in your life are rusted and dust. 

A man needs to look at these two verses and grasp wisdom.  Wisdom means choosing eternal things - such as the blessing of your family for generations to come by submitting your "love life" fully into the hands of God.  It means choosing a wife under His direction and with His values fully guiding your thinking.  It may mean waiting - or turning away from a relationship with a young lady who looks good on the outside - but whose lack of discernment and godly wisdom will make her a serious liablilty to you and your family in the future.  The wise man surrenders himself to God in every area - including the choice of a future wife.  Remember you can have a constant dripping and a destructive son - or a purdent wife whose worth cannot be measured in gold, silver, and precious stones.  The choice is yours - choose wisely!

It is better to live in a corner of a roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Proverbs 21:9

There are days when I would rather not have this blog due to the nature of the subject matter present.  Today is one of those days.  This is only because I would rather spend a thousand days dealing with men and their biblical responsibilities and their sin, than spend one having to point out sin to ladies.  Too often in our perverted world women are bashed on these matters with caracitures that are unflattering at best, and just plain mean at other times.  So ladies, today I will try to hug as closely to the text as possible - only using biblical examples as I seek to explain this passage.

This proverb begins with a funny picture.  We have a man sitting on the corner of his roof.  He has decided that this is the better place for him to live.  That seems very strange to us.  Considering the exposure to the elements - and the sheer uncomfortable nature of living on just the corner of your roof - we are bewildered at this man's choice.  What could be so bad that he would make such a choice?  According to this proverb, it is the prospect of sharing his house with a contentious woman.

What is a "contentious" woman?  The Hebrew word used here is "madon" and it refers to someone who is filled with strife and dissension.  It speaks in Proverbs 17:14 of a quarrel or dispute that cannot be stopped once it starts - or in Proverbs 18:19 of arguments and contentiousness that create barriers between people.  It is usually associated with an evil heart and with a bad temper.  Other sins associated with this sin of contention are lying, perversity, and hatred.  These are pretty bad sins - especially when you consider that this is someone with whom you live on a regular basis in life.  The relationship one has with their wife should be the closest in life - but when a wife is acting this way - it makes life miserable. 

This lady is miserable herself - and honestly - is making everyone else around her equally miserable.  Rather than be a woman with a quiet and gentle spirit (as is counselled by Scripture) she is filled with anger, resentment, hatred, and because of these things - a contentious spirit that is ready at a moment's notice to enter into strife and voice her continual dissent.  No wonder this guy is sitting on the corner of his rooftop - it is the only place he may be able to get a little peace and quiet. 

Ladies, if you would indulge me for just a brief few moments, God desires you to be your husband's helper.  This is the same term that is used to describe the Holy Spirit.  You are called to come alongside your husband and cheer him on - calling him to be the man God wants him to be - and cheering loudly for him whenever he shows the slightest inkling toward that call.  Let me let you ladies in on a secret.  (All men need to stop reading at this point - and if you do - please do not bring up a vote to have my man-card revoked). 

Ladies, your words are so very impotant to your husband.  You may think he doesn't listen - but he hears every word you say.  Whether he chooses to admit it or not - your words are more important to him than any other that are spoken during his day.  When you cut him down and constantly criticize him - it does more damage than a thousand comments made by anyone else.  The reason this guy is living on the corner of his rooftop - is because he is hurting so bad that any indignity or discomfort would be better for him.  He hurts because rather than being encouraged by his wife - he is torn down.  That is something that honestly cannot be fixed by anything other than you changing how you speak to him.  Yes, I understand that often men are lazy and not exactly taking up the mantle to be God's man.  Yes, I understand that you get frustrated waiting for him to be that man.  Yes, I also understand that it is not fair for him to dump the spiritual leadership of your home on you.  BUT . . . being contentious will not help matters at all.  Men will react to this by retreating further from their God-given task.  If you would praise him and encourage him when you see the slightest advance, you might be surprised at what begins to happen.  Who knows, you might even see him pack up his stuff from the corner of the roof (or man-cave, or garage, or shop, or wherever he hides) and emotionally and spiritually move back into the home.  All I know is that wisdom tells me that we get more flies with honey than with vinegar.  That means a sweet and gentle spirit will yield far more from your man than being contentious and filled with strife.