A foolish son is a grief to his father And bitterness to her who bore him. Proverbs 17:25
This is a proverb that we've seen before in a slightly different fashion. The only difference is that the word for fool here is the Hebew word "kesiyl" which is a different word than what we've seen in the past. So, with a different word as our guide, lets look at the fool who is a heartbreak to both his mother and father. The word "kesiyl refers to one of several different types of fools mentioned in Scripture. The word study we'll do here will reveal much to us. The first way this word is used is in Ecclesiastes 4:5,13 - where we see that it refers to someone who is unable to deal with the issues of life in successful or practically godly ways. We see that his laziness and unwillingness to be corrected or taught brings about serious problems for him. In Psalm 49:10-11 the psalmist uses the word "stupid" to describe someone who refuses to learn anything. Proverbs 1:32 speaks of a young man who is complacent about his ungodly ways and sees no need to change anything in his life. Psalm 92:6 reveals that he does not understand spiritual issues and Ecclesiastes 2:14 shows us that he chooses to walk in darkness and see the problems he has. We get the idea that this son is a young man who refuses to learn or listen to anyone other than himself. He is lazy and undisciplined - and that is most clearly seen in that he refuses to do what is necessary to be guided by a person, a book, or any kind of mentor. In the end this young man's ignorance is embraced as he thinks that nothing is wrong - and his life needs no change. As a result he walks in darkness and doesn't even know it. His spiritual ignorance is astounding - yet the young man sees no connection between his problems and his unwillingness to listen and learn from anyone. The parents of such a child are to be pitied. The father is filled with grief. The word for this is "kaas" which means to be angry and provoked. The same word is used for God's anger toward those who paractice idolatry. For the father of this young person - his anger and vexation is due to the fact that his child worships himself and his own mind rather than God. The only person he listens too and values is himself. His mother if filled with a sense of bitterness. It is very difficult for her to process the choices and actions of such a child. The word in the Hebrew speaks of a harsh reality that is the opposite of something pleasant. Her sorrow and pain is sharp as she tries to rear a child who values nothing of what is offered to him, unless he already has thought of it himself. This young person's attitude mirrors that of a lost person without Christ. They are filled with ideas and thoughts that only validate their own thinking. They love their sin and see no need to stop it. They are grossly ignorant and stupid - valuing only their own thinking and reasoning which is fatally flawed by the fall of man into sin. There is no hope for such a young man or woman were it not for the grace and mercy of God. Fortunately for such people God pursues us by His infinite mercy. He brings us to a knowledge of our true condition and the sheer massive gargantuan size of our stupidity. He then draws us and opens our eyes to our condition - offering grace to change us from the inside out. For the parent of such a rebellious, ignorant child - there is only one hope. That hope is to fall on one's knees and cry out to God. Pray that He will open their eyes to their stupidity and deadness of heart - and then change them by the wonderful operation of His grace! There is little else one can do outside this. Thanks be to God that He delights in changing stupid young people into wise saints by His saving grace.
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He who sires a fool does so to his sorrow, And the father of a fool has no joy. Proverbs 17:21
Wisdom knows that children can be a source of great joy - and also a source of incredible sorrow. This particular proverb points us to the fact that a man who has a child - and that child becomes a fool - is a man who will have a great deal or sorrow, pain, and difficulty. There are a couple of things we should note, though, in this statement. When a man sires a fool - it is not just the process of having a child that is meant here. God calls us to rear our children according to His Word - making sure that we first live it before them - and also that we spend time teaching them this Word as well. Listen to what God says in Deuteronomy on this issue. “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. “You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. “You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. “You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:5-9) It is so important to see here a call to reality in our own spiritual walk first. We are to love God with all our heart, soul, and might. We are to put His Word on OUR hearts first. Then right after this is the command to teach these things DILIGENTLY to our children. The way this is said givbes the impression that this is to be part of our lifestyle. When we do not do this - we are paving the way to be one who has sired a fool. But the reality is that the foolishness was not inherent in the child - it often is a learned response. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, proverbs tells us, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. Often a fool is created by one who thinks that discipline and correction are too strident for a child. The fact is leave these things out of a child's life - and you will sire a fool before it is over. The father here has no joy - because has to watch his son live like a fool. He watches his boy live a life that is very self-destructive. He also watches as the lack of his own parenting comes back to haunt him. Let me give a brief testimony concerning rearing children. God has blessed me with 6 wonderful children - and a very, very godly wife. We are in the twilight of rearing our children. Child-rearing is not a spectator sport - and often is a full contact - heart-breaking activity. God has blessed us with very godly kids who have a heart for God. But this was NOT something that was like falling off of a log. There were times when we taught - times when we had to discipline - and times when we wondered if discipline even worked. But we trusted God's Word. There were also times when we had to confront our teenage children with their lifestyle choices. We faced times when we were the "uncool" parents - and even times when one would tell us that they hated us and that we were ruining their lives. Ah, good times . . . But there were also times when we would invest in our children - being at events - spending hours talking, listening, and even answering difficult questions. All this required time, effort, and at times very tough choices. I am saying this to say that too many men are little more than sperm donors to their children. I know that is a rough statement - but rearing children requires a lifetime committment to them - and to God. By the way, it also requires learning how to walk with god yourself. There were times when God would call ME on the carpet - rebuke me - and correct me. Honestly - the best place to learn parenting is from how God dealt with His people. There were times when I would have to face the fact that I had been a hypocrite - and then would have to sit my children down and admit it to them! We were anything but "perfect parents." We were participants in the gospel and the grace of God. We were participants in growing up in the Lord. I know that at least I was a royal doofus many times. There are times when I wonder how any of my kids could turn out well when I look at the progression of my own heart. When I think of how often I fell - how often I failed - and how often I was on my face dealing with my own sin. I've had to face daily discipline from God - and from brothers who help me stay committed to the Lord. Without this - I would have utterly destroyed my testimony. Here is what I am trying to say. Life is a full-contact sport. It is hard. It is difficult and often is exhausting. It also has a million blessings intersperced in it as well. To live it - we have to turn to God a billion times - often wondering when we will ever get it right. But this IS life. We sire fools when we do not both walk with them through this wonderful gauntlet - as well as teach them and cheer them on as they make their way through after us. It requires us to live our lives for God's purposes and plans - even in having children. It requires us to die daily to ourselves and live for God's glory in it all. Is this easy . . . NO! Is it possible . . . YES! Is it rewarding and awesome and amazing as we walk with God through it all . . . ABSOLUTELY! Therefore, I urge you men out there reading this to take the task of loving God, loving your wife, and siring and rearing children very seriously. It will take your whole life to do it - it will cost you everything to accomplish it - but it will mean everything to you when you look back on it with joy - seeing your kids follow Christ. In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, And his children will have refuge.
Proverbs 14:26 It is in the book of Proverbs that we learn that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Only when we have a proper respect and fear of God will we understand things as we ought to in life. It is a lack of fearing God that leads to sin and to ungodly behavior and choices. Thus it should be no shock to us that the fear of the Lord brings us a strong confidence in how we live, what we say, and in how we look to the future. The fool has no such confidence in life. Their brief forays into confidence are mere moments of braggadoccio that fade into insignificance when suffering and death make their appearance. Confidence comes to the man or woman of God because they fear the Lord. They truly know the end of the story - which is that man will stand in the judgment before a holy God. That seems a little odd at first because we read in the book of Hebrews that it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of an angry God. But for the one who fears the Lord, that day will not involve falling into the hands of a yet angry and wrathful God. Wisdom has told him to run to God's provision of forgiveness and grace which is in Jesus Christ. When we do this we know that the wrath of God fell upon His own Son, so that we might be forgiven and granted great grace by our loving Father. When we choose to fear God now - we will not have to cower in terror later. We fear God now - looking in absolute terror at the cross and what God truly requires in His holiness to pay for the debt of sin. It is in seeing what had to be done to Christ Jesus to pay for sin that we cringe in horror at what our wickedness truly costs. But when we embrace Jesus Christ, receiving the gift of repentance and faith, our sins are gone. Thus there is no longer the "terror of the Lord" at the thought of judgment, but rather a strong confidence that our anchor will hold. Jesus Christ has paid all that there is to pay - and we are forgiven and free. The second part of this proverb is vital for us to see as well. We are told that the children of the man who fears the Lord will have a a refuge. This points to the fact that if a man truly knows the Lord, his greatest desire is for his children to know his Savior as well. The refuge that his children have is first seen in how he rears them and teaches them the Scriptures. What a wonderful refuge is provided by a set of godly parents to their children as they grow up in the Lord. The parents may not be perfect, but they provide an example of two who walk with the Lord - and who look to Him for their hope and their salvation. They also do their very best to teach their children the things of the Lord and the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. They pray for their children and do all that they can to see that they follow them in their pursuit of Jesus Christ in life. God desires for men to be saved. That is a given when you read the Scriptures. But there is more. He also desires that there be many godly generations descending from a family who have come to Christ. This is the legacy that comes to children and grandchildren - and even great grandchildren of those whose parents fear the Lord. Oh that we would see this and live in the fear of God. Oh that we would provide a lasting refuge - a lasting legacy of godliness and gospel-led lives to our children - and even to many generations of our families. He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently. Proverbs 13:24
Child discipline is an issue today that is quickly being taken over by worldly psychologists and child-advocates who think that spanking a child or administering any kind of coporal punishment is child abuse. Yet from what we see in Proverbs today, child abuse should be defined a little differently. It should be defined as those who refuse to apply the rod of discipline to their children in a loving way so as to train them to be unselfish. The rod is mentioned here - and is it mentioned because the parent is supposed to apply the rod to the child's rear-end in a controlled way for the purpose of training that child properly. This is to be done without a fit of anger or rage - for disciplining under that kind of spirit will often lead to over-disciplining a child - or hitting them out of anger - rather than out of a desire to train and teach. The wise man and woman discipline their child - because to refrain from discipline is to hate your child. These are strong words - and need to be examined. When we refuse to discipline a child - we are leaving them to the dictates of their sinful nature. Contrary to the world-view of modern psychology, the Bible does not teach that man is basically good. The Bible teaches that we are evil because of man's fall into sin. Because of that event - and the effect it had on all mankind - we are basically selfish and self-centered. Left on our own, we will become little monsters who demand our own way. There is also another problem with the sinful nature and the way it works in our hearts. The natural man does not submit himself to rules or authority very well. A child will learn to say, "No" early in life, and needs to be trained to submit to authority and to rules. Our sinfulness has us react to rules by wanting to buck them and do our own thing. This needs to be an area of child training. We need to teach our children to obey - and to submit to the authority that is over them. Without this they will not function well in society. When a child learns to be obedient, learns to be respectful, learns to work hard and be selfless in his attitude and actions it is a blessing to all those around him. Consider what an entire society would look like with this kind of parenting? The Bible says that we need to discipline our children "diligently." I will be honest with you - that this is difficult to do. At times I would only discipline my children when they annoyed me enough to merit my all-important time and effort. Hope you got the sarcasm in that statement. Disciplining your children diligently requires a full commitment to seeing character and godliness developed in them. You cannot just discipline them when you get mad because they are making your life difficult. Discipline requires a full commitment of your life. This may seem like a lot, but let me give another testimony about this kind of child-rearing. We have 6 children - 2 guys and 4 girls. We are not model parents by any stretch of the word. God has given us much grace as we stumbled and tried our best in this whole thing called parenting. But one thing we have noticed is that when you give yourself to parenting after this model - you truly enjoy being with your children throughout your life. We love being with our kids - and have the best time when we are. They are a delight to our hearts. I remember sharing with someone in a grocery store that we have 6 children. Her response was whether we were still sane - and how much Prozac we needed to handle that many kids. I smiled when she said this, but quickly stated that our kids were a delight - and that God gave us much grace and that is what helped us rear 6 kids. That is the joy of living this way and rearing your children. It is a blessing not only to your children as they mature - but it is a blessing to you and your wife as well. The truth is that God is maturing not just your kids - He is maturing you as well. POSTSCRIPT: Recently, individuals have quoted articles from this section and stated that we teach child abuse at Calvary Chapel Jonesboro. To this I feel the need to respond. First, biblically, we are told that if we have a problem with our brother to go to our brother - not the internet - and confront our brother. To date, these individuals have yet to contact me to discuss these things. That should say volumes in itself. Second, we do not teach child abuse at our fellowship. This blog is an endeavor to teach what is in the Bible for the edification and upbuilding of God's people. Anyone who has been to our fellowship knows that in our classrooms we administer NO physical discipline. We correct with words and with "time outs" and eventually with a report to parents. From our nursery throughout every age group our people are instructed NEVER to administer physical discipline. We believe this right alone belongs to a parent. Even then we teach the following about any application of physical discipline. Discipline is about the heart of a child. Physical or corporal punishment is ONLY to be administered in a spirit of love for the child. Teaching and loving verbal correction is key - as is prayer for the child's eventual salvation in Jesus Christ. Any physical punishment administered due to anger or rage is out of line and wrong. The parent is to discipline the child with appropriate discipline - not abuse. In the end the child should be taught - and in every circumstance hugged, loved, and prayed with after any physical punishment to assure them of our love. The idea of a "beating" is completely out of step with what the Scriptures are teaching. Instead the idea of loving discipline is intended. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
Ah, we come to the NOT-Dr. Spock proverb. If you do not know who Dr. Spock is the first thing I should tell you is that he is not the pointy-eared science officer from the Star Trek series. He is a child psychologist from the 1960's who announced to the world through his writings that spanking a child was wrong. Unfortunately an entire generation decided that he was right (after all he is a psychologist!) and that God was wrong. If you are wondering the results of that choice, take a look at our society today. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. This is a view that is also rejected by the vast majority of psychologists and educators today. We are told that we need to let children "express themselves." When we try to impose our views upon them - we are only warping them in our image. I can only tell you that when we add a biblical worldview to the practice of guiding and disciplining a child - people in the academic world tend to go ballistic. But the biblical fact is, well . . . fact. The Bible reprents mankind as fallen and ruined due to sin. That includes little ones fresh out of the womb. I know that it is very easy to look at little ones and think, "Oh, they are so cute - they're just little angels." The problem is that they are NOT little angels. The Biblical view is that they are little fools - and will remain that way unless we apply the rod of discipline in their lives. Children will basically be selfish and self-centered. The will have a tendency toward sin - and if left to themselves without discipline will become little tyrants. Some will howl with disapproval for this statement saying that not all children are this way. I've helped rear six children and would be the first to say that different children have different ways that they express their sinful nature - but every one of them needed discipline to keep from being fools. Some of my children were active in their rebellion - others were passive in how they disobeyed - but without a doubt they all disobeyed naturally. God's Word says that what we are after is their hearts. Note that we read that foolishness is bound up in a child's heart. We are not aiming for their bottoms - although that is where the discipline usually is administered. We are aiming for their hearts. We want them to see that they are fallen and that they need God. We want them to see that they are foolish and need the wisdom of God. We want them to see that they are sinful and need the forgiveness of God. We also want them to see that they are bound in sin and desperately need the deliverance of God. Finally, we need for them to see that they are fatally flawed and need the regeneration of God that comes with salvation. They need their "heart of stone" to be replaced at salvation with the heart of flesh that God promises in the new covenant. One reason we do this is because they must learn that discipline is the way of life. God will continue to discipline them as Hebrews 12:5-9 says. If we are His children - we WILL be disciplined. Thus we are to be trained by our parents early to learn to receive discipline and to learn from it. The rod of discipline is applied to help remove the foolishness from our hearts. As it does its work, we will grow in wisdom and understanding - and will learn to put away foolish things from our lives. There are some who will argue that the "rod" mentioned here is just words. But the word itself means a rod or stick - a club or the stick in a spear. I will not argue with those who say that at times God refers to the rod of His mouth. But when it comes to child training there are other passages in Proverbs that make it clear that we are to spank our children in disciplining them. This being said, I will also state clearly that over-spanking a child is abuse - and that God's Word refers to "LOVING" discipline that should be administered. Simply grabbing a child and swatting them is very ineffective. There should be instruction, clear boundaries, discipline, as well as reassuring love that is given after any kind of spanking that is given to a child. Our children need to know that we are not disciplining them because they are annoying us. We are discplining them so that they will become pliable in the hands of God - and so that they will learn not to embrace foolishness when it presents itself in their minds or through their friends and aquaintences. This is the kind of discipline that will train up that child. It is also the kind that will help them love their parents - and later the Lord for what He is doing. They will see that this is a very positive thing done out of love and always done with their ultimate best interests in mind. POSTSCRIPT: Recently, individuals have quoted articles from this section and stated that we teach child abuse at Calvary Chapel Jonesboro. To this I feel the need to respond. First, biblically, we are told that if we have a problem with our brother to go to our brother - not the internet - and confront our brother. To date, these individuals have yet to contact me to discuss these things. That should say volumes in itself. Second, we do not teach child abuse at our fellowship. This blog is an endeavor to teach what is in the Bible for the edification and upbuilding of God's people. Anyone who has been to our fellowship knows that in our classrooms we administer NO physical discipline. We correct with words and with "time outs" and eventually with a report to parents. From our nursery throughout every age group our people are instructed NEVER to administer physical discipline. We believe this right alone belongs to a parent. Even then we teach the following about any application of physical discipline. Discipline is about the heart of a child. Physical or corporal punishment is ONLY to be administered in a spirit of love for the child. Teaching and loving verbal correction is key - as is prayer for the child's eventual salvation in Jesus Christ. Any physical punishment administered due to anger or rage is out of line and wrong. The parent is to discipline the child with appropriate discipline - not abuse. In the end the child should be taught - and in every circumstance hugged, loved, and prayed with after any physical punishment to assure them of our love. The idea of a "beating" is completely out of step with what the Scriptures are teaching. Instead the idea of loving discipline is intended. The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, And he who sires a wise son will be glad in him. Let your father and your mother be glad, And let her rejoice who gave birth to you. Proverbs 23:24-25
God has blessed my wife and I with 6 children, of which 2 of them are sons. Our testimony as a family is an interesting one because it involves being caught up in religious, church-y living - and then later being in relationship with a very merciful, loving God. Please bear with me, because all this actually relates to the proverb for today. Solomon tells us that the father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, and he who sires a wise son will be glad in him. At present I am the father of two sons who are righteous - and who are seeking to live their lives according to God's wisdom. Oh, by the way - I also greatly rejoice in God's goodness for giving me such sons. To write such things can be extremely dangerous, so let me explain what all this means - giving all the glory to God. I am a pastor. I have been one for some 20+ years. During that time God has been very gracious to me - showing me mercy extensively in the midst of a great deal of stupidity. There were times that I was so given to "the ministry" that I did not love my family as I should have loved them. I also was so caught up in trying to have a "great church" in the eyes of men - that I was a horrible example of what a man of God should be - not just to my family, but to the people of Calvary Chapel. A lot of this came crashing down when a biblical discipline situation arose in our fellowship - and spiritual carnage resulted. What I (and yes I emphasize I) had built came crashing down just like Jesus said it would in Matthew 7:27-28. This not only happened at the church, but my own sons were rejecting it as well. Then God broke me - wonderfully, graciously, mercifully broke me. I spent about 2 months weeping, confessing sin to my wife and my children - and to the church as well. It was during that time that I laid all my plans for me being a great pastor and preacher at the feet of Jesus - and decided I just wanted to love, know, and obey Him. God was so merciful in responding that the repentance and brokenness by drawing my two sons to Himself and making them righteous through faith in Jesus Christ. He slowly began to transform my sons, my family, and the fellowship He so graciously allowed me to continue to pastor. We are far from perfect - but as long as we seek Him and do what He says - things will go well. This Proverb says that the father of the righteous will greatly rejoice. That does not mean that the father rears his sons to be righteous in themselves - for that would only be self-righteousness. He rears his sons to see that the only way they can be righteous is to turn in repentance and faith to Jesus Christ. Having their righteousness in Him - they can begin to walk as godly men - looking to and trusting Him at all times. What the father seeks to do is to be sure that he has "wise" sons. Since we know that wisdom is seeing all things from God's perspective - and making choices according to that way of seeing things - this means that his boys learn to have a biblical worldview, and live according to God's will rather than their own. If a father sees this - he rejoices. That wonderful gift has been given to me two times over. It also has been given to me in spite of my early years of stupidity and self-driven living. The writer of Proverbs says to the sons that they should let their father and mother be glad - especially the mother who gave birth to them. Too many children spend their lives trying to please their parents by doing whatever they want them to do. That may seem like a contradiction to what I just said - but it is not. If a parent is wise in the way that they rear their child, they will make certain that their child knows that the most important thing in life is to live by God's will - not just by what their parents desire. Of course, this includes the commandment to honor and obey parents. But a wise mom and dad are certain to direct their child only to hear their voice as a precursor to listening to God's voice. The wise parent also knows that during their teen years their children need to transition from just listening to a parent - to listening to God and doing as He says. A child who remains dependent upon a parent throughout their lives will not be a wise child. They have to come to the point of starting their own family - and rearing another generation of kids who start by listening to their parents, and who later in life transfer that teachability to God's voice and the Scriptures. My wife and I have strived to do this with our children. We've failed as often as we've succeeded - with all successes being due to following God's counsel. But know this - it is not easy - and parenting is not for cowards. If you do this properly - your children will marry - and will leave the home. If we rear them to treasure the gospel and take seriously their responsiblity to God and to the world for proclaiming it - there is a good chance they may take seriously that command to go to all the nations. We've already watched three do this - and a fourth is probably on her way. That means as we rejoice, there is also a little bit of heart-ache as we send them to the ends of the earth - not knowing if they will ever return. But then again, what greater joy can we have as parents than to follow the example of God Himself, Who gave His Son away so that the nations might be saved? A foolish son is destruction to his father, And the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping. House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD. Proverbs 19:13-14
Two different kinds of homes are shown to us in this proverb - the first in verse 13, and the second in verse 14. These two different homes will make the difference between a life that is a joy - and one that is most likely pure drudgery. The first home has a son - a foolish son who is a destruction to his father. The word used here for fool is different than we are used to seeing. It is the Hebrew word "kestyl" and refers to one of several types of fools who are spoken of in Scripture. He is a fool, according to Ecclesiastes 4:5, 13 who is unable to live life in a successful, practical way. He is a fool who according to Proverbs 1:22, 32 who scoffs at the things of God and as a result has a lifestyle that is very self-destructive. Other passages refer to this fool as someone who is rash in his decision making - who pursue foolishness - and who will not have honor but will experience shame due to their decisions and lifestyle. The father of this fool watches his own life destroyed due to this son. The word for destruction here refers to destruction that comes because of a rejection of God and a rejection of God's ways and truth. The father's life is destroyed because of the consequences of his son's life wreaking havoc on his heart and most likely his finances. To look at an example of this we have to go no further than the story of the prodigal son. This son was a fool - and demanded half the estate of his father - who chose to give it to him. Even though this son eventually returned - in the time of his discipline and foolishness he consumed not only half of his father's estate with his ungodly lifestyle - he also consumed numerous hours of his father's concern and heartbroken intercession. Remember that his father was watching for him - longing for him to return from his godless choices and lifestyle. This passage also reminds us that the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping to a man as well. The picture painted for us by Solomon is that of a wife who is unhappy - and who poures out her unhappiness upon her husband in contentious attitudes and words. Fascinating is the definition of "madon" the Hebrew word for contention here. It refers to quarrels and disputes that cannot be stopped once they are set in motion. They are arguments that create barriers between people - usually caused by a person with a bad temper. Imagine the poor man who has this to look forward to each day of his life. He does not have a help-meet - but someone who tears him down every day when he comes home. Like a dripping leak in the ceiling or a faucet that drives you crazy with the drip, drip, drip sound that never stops - so this man has to deal with an ungrateful, unloving wife who creates tension and dissention in the home rather than an atmosphere of love and peace. Contrasted to this kind of home, we see in verse 14 the true wealth that God can bring to our lives. Where a house and wealth can be given to us in the inheritance from our fathers - there is something far more valuable that we should long to receive. I've watched as people have receieved a large inheritance from their parents. If gratefully received it can be a huge blessing to the family for generations to come. But without the second blessing that is mentioned here - entire families can be destroyed for multiple generations. Whereas we can receive an inheritance from our fathers, a prudent wife is a gift from God Himself. The prudent wife is one who is discerning and filled with godly insight. She acts wisely, having understanding and wisdom from which to make her decisions and guide the things that she does each day. She is intelligent - but with far more than just book-learning. She is intelligent in the things of the Lord - which allows her to bless her husband and children not just with her teaching, but with the example of her life 24 hours every day. Her wise prudence allows her to see what is coming - how choices will effect the future - and what choices will make for God's greatest blessing on her and her family. Truly the gift of this kind of woman in a man's wife is a gift from God. Whereas money can be good or bad for us - a prudent wife will be blessing at all times. Her influence on a home and on children and grandchildren will bless a family for multiple generations. When the Scriptures tell us that her worth is beyond gold, silver, and precious stones - it is not kidding us. When you have a prudent wife - you are being blessing with a fortune that will last long after the money and things in your life are rusted and dust. A man needs to look at these two verses and grasp wisdom. Wisdom means choosing eternal things - such as the blessing of your family for generations to come by submitting your "love life" fully into the hands of God. It means choosing a wife under His direction and with His values fully guiding your thinking. It may mean waiting - or turning away from a relationship with a young lady who looks good on the outside - but whose lack of discernment and godly wisdom will make her a serious liablilty to you and your family in the future. The wise man surrenders himself to God in every area - including the choice of a future wife. Remember you can have a constant dripping and a destructive son - or a purdent wife whose worth cannot be measured in gold, silver, and precious stones. The choice is yours - choose wisely! Bind them continually on your heart; Tie them around your neck. When you walk about, they will guide you; When you sleep, they will watch over you; And when you awake, they will talk to you. Proverbs 6:21-22
There is such a blessing that comes from the teaching of Godly parents. They can bless us so much - if - we do not blow it by not taking what they say to us seriously. This is why Solomon told us in this proverb that we need to take these things and bind them on our hearts and tie them around our necks. This admonition to keep these teachings and truths on our heart and around our neck are both pictures of giving them a high place in our lives. This same admonition is given in Proverbs 1:8 about a parent's teaching - as well as in Proverbs 3:3 where it speaks about what we should do with kindness and truth in our lives. There are some things that we need to value as highly as possible. One of those things is the teaching of a godly father and mother. We are told in verse 22 that if we do this we will have a protection service that will function in our lives. We are told first that as we walk about these things will guide us. Consider how often you would be guided if you took the advice of a very godly set of parents. I can think of at least several serious disasters and problems I would not have if I had followed my father's advice on some financial matters. This is why, as parents, we need to be sure to teach our children the Scriptures and use them as the wisdom that we pass on to them. The wisdom of God's Word would guide our children everywhere that they go! The second blessing mentioned here is that as we sleep, these teachings and truths will watch over us. The word for "watch over" here is the Hebrew word "shamar" which means to watch over so as to protect. Whether you realize it or not, decisions you make are working either for or against you even as you sleep. Consider a financial decision to make a foolish investment. This investment is working even when you are asleep either to earn money or to watch it drop in value. In much the same way, decisions for godliness are working for us - even as we sleep. Following the godly advice of our parents will be working for us even as we are sleeping in our beds. Associations with others that might harm us - stopped by following godly advice. Decisions to invest in education - in a godly work ethic - to marry the right person - to live for the things of the Lord - all working marvelously for us every day we are alives. The final blessing mentioned here is that as we wake up - these things will be speaking to us. I remember a friend who has a godly mother who said to me that some of the things she hears that bless her - usually come in the sound of her mother's voice in her head. That is the value of what a parent teaches to a child when they take the time to teach them the Word of God. There are times we will hear them at a crossroads decision - and their counsel will be sweet to us. That is why we need to value you it like we would value some of our most prize possessions. Just a note as we come to the close of this particular proverb. As this proverb is true of a parent's teaching - it is even more true about the teaching and training of our heavenly father. His Word will bless us in the very same way - except with eternal blessings. How we need to heed Colossians and let that Word dwell "RICHLY" in our hearts. If we do - we will have God's Word lead us, watch over us, and speak to us all day long. What a blessing! Indeed, it is useless to spread the baited net In the sight of any bird; But they lie in wait for their own blood; They ambush their own lives. So are the ways of everyone who gains by violence; It takes away the life of its possessors. Proverbs 1:17-19
Why is it unwise to use violence to get what you want in life? It is because although you may gain in the short term, you will lose bit time in the end. Too many people live for the short term good - even if it results in harm over time. This is why the godly father takes time to warn his son against using violence to get what he wants in life. This dad uses a great picture to explain to his son why violence is not a good alternative to get ahead in life. He speaks of how it is useless to set a net with bait right in front of the bird that you are wanting to catch. The bird sees not just the bait, but more importantly the net. As a result he will have nothing to do with the set up because he knows it is a trap. This is a lesson from hunting 101 - and one that even those who know nothing about hunting can understand. But then the father uses this very simple illustration to prove a very important point to his boys. When someone uses violence to get what he wants, he is not lying in wait for the other person as much as he is lying in wait for his own life. Sure in the short term he may attack a few people, spill some blood getting what he wants, and get a little gain. But in the long term he is only setting a trap for himself. Worse that this he is setting his own trap right in front of his own face - and not realizing it. He is setting a trap for his own demise and destruction. It sounds pretty silly that someone can set a trap for themselves and ambush their own lives - but that is exactly what this young man is doing. The father then ties this lesson up for his son by telling him that this is what is happening when someone wants to gain by violence. It may get him something immediately, but it will take away his life when it is all over. This father is teaching his son something that is absolutely essential to living a life of wisdom. It is the lesson that the quick way to something is most often the unwise way to it. This is especially true when this quick way causes us to disregard Scripture - and walk in a way that is contrary to godliness. My son, observe the commandment of your father And do not forsake the teaching of your mother; Proverbs 6:20
How does a father and a mother work together to rear their children for the Lord? That is a good question to ask, and one that is often overlooked as we kind of stumble along in the paths of parenthood. But believe it or not, the book of Proverbs has a proverb that instructs us on this matter - and does so very well. We would be wise to listen to this counsel - and begin to pattern our parenting upon its precepts. Here in Proverbs 6:20, we have an interesting statement made that gives a role to both the father and the mother in giving wisdom to their children. The first thing we read here is that a son should observe the commandment of his father. Observe here is the Hebrew word "natsar" which means to watch, to guard, or to keep. The word had several uses, but came to us from the military world where the idea of watching was prominent. When a soldier was put on watch - it was his duty to scan the horizon and be ready at an instant to warn the troops of a sneak attack - or a full scale assault. Were he to fall asleep at his post - the entire regiment would be at risk of being overrun and destroyed. The word was then carried over into the idea of ehtics and watchfulness over God's or other's commands. Here is spoke of a watchfulness for the purpose of being faithful to the command - as well as an ethical watch over one's own behavior so that the command was carried out with careful obedience. The son is called to have this kind of watching when it came to his father's commandments. As you can imagine, the word "commandments" is the normal word "mitsvah" which is the most common word for a commandment or a statute given to someone. It is the word used of the 10 commandments - and the same word used most often to speak of God's law. It is also part of the word for "barmitzvah" that speaks of the ceremony at age 13 when a Jewish boy was considered a man. He was considered such because he was taking on the full responsibility of the Law of God. Barmitzvah literally means, "son of the law" or "son of the commandments." The father calls his son to obey the commandments that he gives him. If a man is wise - he will make his commandments very similar to those God gives us. Flood a boy with too many commandments and he will lose heart trying to remember and keep all of them. But when we give a child limitations and wise standards by which to live - he will be far more secure. Just a warning though to the father who thinks that he can "christianize" his kids by the way he rears them. The Law was meant to show us that we are sinners. No matter how wonderfully you rear your children, they will still have to come to Christ to be saved and redeemed from their sinful, rebellious ways. Yet, a wise man will knows the value of setting godly standards for his children. A son would also be wise - very wise if he takes his father's commandments and seeks to govern his behavior by them. Most young people (and by the way I definitely include myself in my younger years) have a basic disdain for their parents commandments. That is a perfect way of seeing how sin and how the fall have affected our lives. Wisdom tells us that those older than us are also usually wiser than us. The only time a child can say that he is as wise as his elders is when he loves God's Word and seeks to know it with great passion. Then Psalm 119 makes a promise that God's Word makes him wiser even than his elders. (Just a brief word of wisdom though - if you do know the Word very well - you will also approach your elders with it with humility and grace - not with arrogance and a sense of superiority - that kind of attitude pretty much shows that you've descended back into foolishness again.) The mother's role is given next. This verse says to us that the son also should not forsake the teaching of his mother. The word forsake means just that - to forsake or to reject something. Here it refers to the "teaching" of his mother. The word "teaching" here is the Hebrew word, "torah." It meant something that was taught - but more along the lines of giving specific instruction or direction to someone. So we see an interesting thing here. The father gives the basic commands to his son, but the mother then works with him to see how they are applied to everyday situations and in everyday life. She takes the basic law given by the dad - and adds additional instruction and help in seeing how to walk in those commands each day. Since the father usually has to go to work and be gone throughout much of the day, the mother then takes over the work of instructing and helping the sons and daughters grasp and understand how it is the father desires for them to live. She makes his commandments into practical choices and works hard to teach those choices to the children. What is fascinating to me as I look at this verse is that this is how Jewish religion is set up. They have the Law (mitzvah) which is given by God the Father. They also have the instruction (the torah) which is given by the rabbis who teach the Law to the people. They took this very concept and used it to set up their entire teaching system that they use with their people. This works wonderfully - until the rabbis begin to have their teaching pervert the actual Law upon which it was based. This is true also in families where mother and father are not on the same page in rearing their children. Either the dad or mom is too strict - or too lenient, and the other decides to modify what they view as an unrealistic view by changing things themselves. This leads to chaos in the child's mind - and the unique ability to play one parent against the other. Regardless - the result is usually bad. The wise son is the one who listens well to his parents - and who takes both the command of the dad - and the teaching of the mom - and uses it to make wise decisions in life. May we be so blessed as to have fathers that will lead wisely and godly - moms that will teach according to his commandments - and children who in turn will know the right way to walk because they have heard it from their parents. |
Proverb a DayEach day, we'll take a look at a verse from the chapter of Proverbs for the day. Our hope is to gain wisdom each day - and from that wisdom - to have understanding to make godly decisions in the throes of everyday life. Thank you for visiting our website! Everything on this site is offered for free. If, however, you would like to make a donation to help pay for its continued presence on the internet, you can do that by clicking here. The only thing we ask is that you give first to the local church you attend. Thank you!
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