The beginning of strife is like letting out water, So abandon the quarrel before it breaks out. Proverbs 17:14

Ever watch one of the movies where a small break in a dam takes place.  You watch as the water is let out only in a trickle.  The problem is that the pressure behind that trickle of water is tremendous.  Soon the little place where the water is leaking cracks further under that pressure and becomes larger.  More water is let out resulting in more pressure on that place.  At some point there is a breaking point where the entire dam begins falling apart and the water begins careening out of the dam.  Up until the point where the dam begins falling apart - there is an opportunity to stop the disaster.  What is amazing is that when the earliest "letting out" of the water starts, the only real way of dealing with the problem is to release the water at the base of the dam and lessen the pressure on the breach in the dam.  If this is not done - and the original crack is not repaired - the dam will eventually break and cause tremendous devastation.  Now back to our Proverb today.

The beginning of strife is like the crack in the dam.  This is not good because if left undealt with, it will make for a very serious 'breakout' of quarrelling.  A fight is coming the longer that we do not deal with the very onset of strife in our hearts and minds.  To leave it there is to embrace the coming quarrel and the problems it will engender. 

The counsel God gives is to abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.  That means that we should die to ourselves and to our desire to make our point.  We should resist throwing a little guilt in someone's direction - or a little barb to get back a little for a slight we feel.  We should abandon the wrong pursuit of this difficulty and instead, should allow the comment, the slight, the supposed or real insult, or just the grouchiness we feel to die as God takes it from us.  Just one last thought though.  If you have an entire dam of feelings and pent-up anger that is pressuring you to argue or quarrel, it would be wise to get with God to see what is at the root of your problem with this person.  The reason I say this is that there are times when we truly do have issues that will require us to examine our hearts - examine our relationships with others - and draw down the water (i.e. the anger and resentment) that fills the dam so that the pressure to react and "let out" a dispute is lowered significantly.  But in the meantime - just die to yourself and what you want to say.  It is better to do that than to have the quarrel break out and with it have damage that is far worse to the relationship result.

When a wise man has a controversy with a foolish man, The foolish man either rages or laughs, and there is no rest. Proverbs 29:9

This proverb I've affectionately named the "Bill Maher proverb."  That is because he, along with many other social liberals invite one Christian to sit on a panel with him and 2-3 other liberals.  As the program unfolds, this proverb is lived out over and over again.  If the Christian is wise at all, he will begin to present biblical truth, and at that point the controversy, the rage, and the mockery begin.  The poor Christian is usually shouted down in the midst of making any points - and the end of the matter is that he or she looks like the fool - which was the purpose of the whole exercise anyway.  After watching this three or four different times, I came to the conclusion that any Bible-believing Christian who went on this, or other programs like it, was as much of a fool as the other fools sitting on the panel.

The nature of a foolish man is to mock the things of God.  Therefore when a wise man begins to have a controversy or argument with a foolish man - he needs to know that reason or fair-minded debate will most likely not be involved in what is about to take place.  This passage tells us that what will happen is that the foolish man will "rage" against the wise man.  The word used for rage here is "ragaz" and it means to shake, tremble, be agitated, be disturbed, or be provoked.  As soon as a fool hears the Word of God, he will come to the place where he will blow like a stick of dynamite.  The fool recognizes no authority but his own.  We read elsewhere in Proverbs that the fool only delights in airing his own opinions - and only respects his own thoughts.  The idea of a God Who reveals to us absolute truth is an utter outrage to the fool.  He is enraged at the thought of anyone claiming to have a truth that can stand in judgment over his ideas - as accurate and marvelous as they are.  So when he hears a wise man (who is wise because he has learned to submit himself to what is revealed in Scripture) start to quote the Bible as an authority - BOOM! - he explodes in a rage against the wise man (yet actually he is enraged at God more than anyone else). 

The other response from the fool is to laugh at God's principles and God's Word.  This is basically done by mocking God.  Bill Maher did it by doing the movie, "Religuous."  Others have done it a myriad of different ways over the years.  Interestingly enough, most of them are dead and have the horrendous problem of explaining to God why they felt such liberty to mock Him and His Word - which is what Mr. Maher will face also if he does not come to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ.  Regardless of how they go about mocking God, they do, and in the end there is no peace.  There isn't any because the fool is not about to have the wise man come away from the encounter or controversy looking good at all. 

A wise man recognizes when he is in a controversy with a fool.  He recognizes it usually because the fool will not argue reasonably, but will quickly resort to mocking, name calling, and specious arguments.  At that point the best thing a wise man can do is step away from the situation as quickly and as gracefully as he can.  The encounter will not result in a peaceful resolution.  Rage and mocking laughter will happen - but not peace.  The best thing you can do for the foolish man is pray for him, love him, and not offer him the public platform to mock God.  That is why the wise man will turn down the offer to appear on such programs - saving himself the breath, the time, and the humiliation that will come if he chooses unwisely to attend.

It is better to live in a corner of a roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Proverbs 21:9

There are days when I would rather not have this blog due to the nature of the subject matter present.  Today is one of those days.  This is only because I would rather spend a thousand days dealing with men and their biblical responsibilities and their sin, than spend one having to point out sin to ladies.  Too often in our perverted world women are bashed on these matters with caracitures that are unflattering at best, and just plain mean at other times.  So ladies, today I will try to hug as closely to the text as possible - only using biblical examples as I seek to explain this passage.

This proverb begins with a funny picture.  We have a man sitting on the corner of his roof.  He has decided that this is the better place for him to live.  That seems very strange to us.  Considering the exposure to the elements - and the sheer uncomfortable nature of living on just the corner of your roof - we are bewildered at this man's choice.  What could be so bad that he would make such a choice?  According to this proverb, it is the prospect of sharing his house with a contentious woman.

What is a "contentious" woman?  The Hebrew word used here is "madon" and it refers to someone who is filled with strife and dissension.  It speaks in Proverbs 17:14 of a quarrel or dispute that cannot be stopped once it starts - or in Proverbs 18:19 of arguments and contentiousness that create barriers between people.  It is usually associated with an evil heart and with a bad temper.  Other sins associated with this sin of contention are lying, perversity, and hatred.  These are pretty bad sins - especially when you consider that this is someone with whom you live on a regular basis in life.  The relationship one has with their wife should be the closest in life - but when a wife is acting this way - it makes life miserable. 

This lady is miserable herself - and honestly - is making everyone else around her equally miserable.  Rather than be a woman with a quiet and gentle spirit (as is counselled by Scripture) she is filled with anger, resentment, hatred, and because of these things - a contentious spirit that is ready at a moment's notice to enter into strife and voice her continual dissent.  No wonder this guy is sitting on the corner of his rooftop - it is the only place he may be able to get a little peace and quiet. 

Ladies, if you would indulge me for just a brief few moments, God desires you to be your husband's helper.  This is the same term that is used to describe the Holy Spirit.  You are called to come alongside your husband and cheer him on - calling him to be the man God wants him to be - and cheering loudly for him whenever he shows the slightest inkling toward that call.  Let me let you ladies in on a secret.  (All men need to stop reading at this point - and if you do - please do not bring up a vote to have my man-card revoked). 

Ladies, your words are so very impotant to your husband.  You may think he doesn't listen - but he hears every word you say.  Whether he chooses to admit it or not - your words are more important to him than any other that are spoken during his day.  When you cut him down and constantly criticize him - it does more damage than a thousand comments made by anyone else.  The reason this guy is living on the corner of his rooftop - is because he is hurting so bad that any indignity or discomfort would be better for him.  He hurts because rather than being encouraged by his wife - he is torn down.  That is something that honestly cannot be fixed by anything other than you changing how you speak to him.  Yes, I understand that often men are lazy and not exactly taking up the mantle to be God's man.  Yes, I understand that you get frustrated waiting for him to be that man.  Yes, I also understand that it is not fair for him to dump the spiritual leadership of your home on you.  BUT . . . being contentious will not help matters at all.  Men will react to this by retreating further from their God-given task.  If you would praise him and encourage him when you see the slightest advance, you might be surprised at what begins to happen.  Who knows, you might even see him pack up his stuff from the corner of the roof (or man-cave, or garage, or shop, or wherever he hides) and emotionally and spiritually move back into the home.  All I know is that wisdom tells me that we get more flies with honey than with vinegar.  That means a sweet and gentle spirit will yield far more from your man than being contentious and filled with strife.

A fool's lips bring strife, And his mouth calls for blows.  A fool's mouth is his ruin, And his lips are the snare of his soul. Proverbs 18:6-7

Our mouth can be a source of blessing or our downfall.  For the fool the latter is more the case.  His mouth is a means of trouble, strife, and eventually ruin.  Let's try to learn from him today and avoid the things that happens when a fool is speaking.

First we learn that a fool's lips bring strife.  The idea here is that when a fool opens his lips to speak - along with his speaking comes strife.  Evidently the fool is itching for a fight because that is what takes place after he speaks.  His mouth calls for blows.  The fool is the one who always has to have the last word - and that word is usually highly offensive to those who hear it.  You watch the fool escalate his statements from offensive to provocative.  He provokes those around him to the point where their anger is boiling over.  He enrages people with the way he speaks - and the end of it all is blows - a fist fight.  Rather than walk away from a growing tension, the fool throws gasoline on the fire and stokes it in every way he can.  He does not have the ability to let an insult go - and just walk away.  He has to one up the person who insulted him by offering an even greater insult.  Actually, the fool usually is the one who starts all this - almost as if he or she is wanting the fight. 

At the core of all this is pride.  The fool is filled with it.  As I said earlier he can never let something go.  Anything said requires his provocative response.  He loves contention and controversy.  He loves quarrelling and disputes.  He thrives on hostilities and his words invite them constantly.  A wise man knows how to calm people with his responses.  The fool only inflames them.  No wonder that in the end we watch him punching and being punched as the fight erupts.

The next verse continues this thought.  The fool's mouth is his ruin - and his lips are continually snaring his soul.  The word ruin is the Hebrew word "mehittah" which means destruction, ruin, and terror.  The root word for "mehittah" is "hatat" which means to be broken or afraid.  The fool thinks he is bringing himself honor or at least respect when he won't take anything from anyone else.  He thinks he is standing up for himself and that all others will know he is not someone with whom you want to tangle.  But the opposite is true.  His mouth is not bringing him respect, it is bringing him ruin.  His mouth is a continuous source of terror for his life.  He is constantly in danger because of his big mouth.  He keeps opening it and getting himself in trouble.  He says that he wants to stay out of trouble - at least that is what he tells the officer each new time he is arrested - at least that is what he says when he stands before the judge again and again - but his mouth is a snare for him.  He speaks out for himself and in doing so sets another trap directly in front of himself to step into.  We would consider a man the ultimate fool if he set a bear trap and then stepped into it - but that is what the fool does with his mouth all the time. 

Let me offer an example from real life.  We read of sports figures who are constantly getting in trouble.  It seems that they go from one altercation to another - in and out of a courtroom as if they were walking through a revolving door.  Why does this happen?  A lot of it happens because they have the mouth of a fool - and they use it in the company of other fools.  Where do they go regularly?  They go to bars and clubs.  What happens to them - they run into other fools whose minds are dulled by alcohol.  When they do some fool (either one at the bar or they themselves) opens their mouth in typical drunken arrogant fashion.  Feeling "dissed" they then "bow-up" in pride and let their foolish mouth run free.  Of course when you get two drunken fools like this together the escalation is not only going to happen - it is going to happen quickly.  More foolish words are exchanged as they trash talk one another and, you got it, a fight breaks out betwen them.  In recent years we've added to the fist fights - fools who carry guns with them into bars and other places - and someone becomes angry enough to shoot someone else.  Then we get the court case where any normal person would be send away for their crime - but in the case of the rich, spoiled athlete - some deal is cut to let him continue to entertain us with his physical prowess.  We never think about the damage done to our children who unfortunately are taught to idolize these fools - and who follow in their footsteps. 

Our mouths are incredibly powerful things.  James says that our tongue's can set the course of our lives on fire - and that they can be set on fire by hell itself.  That is why we need to learn things like humility, patience, and restraint.  It is also why we need to be wise and to avoid the company of fools whose mouths continually snare their souls.  Let your mouth be filled with the Word of God - with gracious and kind words - and with the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Let your mouth become the instrument that brings you blessing - not the tool which the devil, working unhindered through your flesh, uses to bring you to ruin.