Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
Here is probably one of the most well known proverbs that there is. It has to deal with how to rear a child. Too often it is quoted more like, raise up a child and church - and he won't rebel or depart from going to church or doing the church thing. Many a devastated parent reads this verse and wonders why little Johnny doesn't go to church any longer - or want anything to do with the Lord. Let's take a close look at this verse to see what is DOES say and what is DOES NOT say to us as we seek to rear our children for the Lord. The word train is very important to know here - as we see that the "training" of the child in the way he should go is imperative to the blessing of him not departing from that way when he is old. This word is the Hebrew word, "chanak" which means to train or to dedicate. The root word for "chanak" means to narrow something - thus to initiate, discipline, or train it to that narrow path. Ah, here we begin to see what God is saying to us about child training. We are to narrow the child's way - by training and instruction - so that the child's way conforms itself to God's way. This narrowing had to do with the opening of a path. It was a constricting of that opening so that someone went a specific way as they sought to enter the path before them. Let's take a moment and talk about how this is applied to child training. When we talk about "narrowing" a child's way - we are talking about discipline. When they are little it means instructing - but also if necessary corporal punishment (spanking if you will) in order to train the child that there are certain things you just do not do. If you choose to do these things there will be punishment. It means we MUST correct our children when they act out in a way that is contrary to God's way. When we refuse to do this - we are not helping our child find his way - we are confusing them. Study after study has shown that children desire boundaries - and that they will test the ones that are imposed to see if they are truly boundaries or not. Create godly boundaries for a child (oh, and by the way, live by them yourself as well) and a child will have a great deal of stability in his or her life. In many ways, to rear a child in this way is simply to prepare him for a life of discipleship later. Jesus calls us to "Make disciples of all the nations." This means our own children as well. When we teach them that disicpline is the "way of life," we prepare them for the reality that reward and punishment - really are the way of life. They will face such things all the remainder of their days. It is best to begin young teaching them such things - and showing them through our discipline that there are very real consequences for actions outside of the Scriptures. Too many see child reading in this permission society as letting a child find his own way in the world without the parents doing much to get in his way. This is a sure way to lose a child - to have them follow after their own sinful nature and ruin themselves by indulging their flesh and walking in an ungodly path. Adam Clarke spoke of this passage as teaching a child how to narrow the opening of his path so that he was directed in God's way, no matter what chioce he had to make. Clarke spoke of how we needed to show the child the path - instruct him on the duties, dangers, and blessings of the path - and then do all we can do guide the child so that he takes God's path. Thus when a child faces the reality of life in this world - and the choices that are placed before Him - then that child will be able to reason from the Scriptures and know how to conduct himself or herself in the world. We are told to train up this child in the "way" he should go. Way is our old Hebrew friend, "derek" and it means a path, a way - and was probably the word used most often to speak of choices someone would make that would lead to a lifestyle - or way of living. Note here that we are to train up this child to the lifestyle and way - the path of life in which he "SHOULD" go. Here we face a very serious problem when we present this to the average worldling of today. A way in which someone "should go" indicates that one way is superior to another - something this world finds anathema to their worldview. They think all lifestyles and all paths are the same. Thus to say a child has a way he "should go" rather than to just let the child find his own way and follow his own heart until he knows his own path - that is nothing more than legalism and a domineering way of rearing a child. The worldling parent is not supposed to care if the child goes in a way that is not acceptable to the parent. The child will find his own way - and besides, it is the height of arrogance to think we KNOW how someone should go! The Bible has a much different view here. God gives us a Law that guides us into the right way and away from the wrong way. There are certain moral choices that are soundly right - and others that are horribly wrong. There are choices in the area of sexuality that are the right way to live - and others that are wrong (not just an alternate lifestyle - just wrong). Taking the time to teach a child these ways - and guide them into these paths - that is what child training is all about. There is a right way - God's way - and that is how we are to teach our children to walk. We are to train them that right way - and also to instruct them on the consequences of walking in the wrong way. We should show them, not just God's instructions, but also God's judgments on certain ways of living and certain choices that they might make. Then there is the promise. It is a bold promise. Even when he is old he will not depart from it. As the child grows older - with instruction, discipline, warnings, encouragements and everything else a parent should use to teach him - that child will not depart from God's way. The example of the parent is also vital here because we teach not just with words - but with our actions as well. When they see these things - hear these things - watch these things modeled before them - then then will know the way in which to walk. This proverb involves so much more than just taking a child to church and youth group. It involves serious child training using God's Word as our blueprint. It involves selling out on how we live ourselves and laboring to teach our children God's Word on morals and meaning. We labor - striving to show them God's way - striving to help them see the forks in the road - but also the consequences of taking the wrong turn there. These are the things that matter if we are to be successful in rearing children for the Lord. If we instruct and lead in a way that narrows their choices into the wise and godly way - we can be assured that when they grow old, they will not depart from the way in which they were instructed. It is a promise that God's way - taught in God's way - modeled in God's way - will provide results as a child chooses His way as His own way in life. POSTSCRIPT: Recently, individuals have quoted articles from this section and stated that we teach child abuse at Calvary Chapel Jonesboro. To this I feel the need to respond. First, biblically, we are told that if we have a problem with our brother to go to our brother - not the internet - and confront our brother. To date, these individuals have yet to contact me to discuss these things. That should say volumes in itself. Second, we do not teach child abuse at our fellowship. This blog is an endeavor to teach what is in the Bible for the edification and upbuilding of God's people. Anyone who has been to our fellowship knows that in our classrooms we administer NO physical discipline. We correct with words and with "time outs" and eventually with a report to parents. From our nursery throughout every age group our people are instructed NEVER to administer physical discipline. We believe this right alone belongs to a parent. Even then we teach the following about any application of physical discipline. Discipline is about the heart of a child. Physical or corporal punishment is ONLY to be administered in a spirit of love for the child. Teaching and loving verbal correction is key - as is prayer for the child's eventual salvation in Jesus Christ. Any physical punishment administered due to anger or rage is out of line and wrong. The parent is to discipline the child with appropriate discipline - not abuse. In the end the child should be taught - and in every circumstance hugged, loved, and prayed with after any physical punishment to assure them of our love. The idea of a "beating" is completely out of step with what the Scriptures are teaching. Instead the idea of loving discipline is intended.
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Grandchildren are the crown of old men, And the glory of sons is their fathers. Proverbs 17:6
Here is a verse that we as fathers and grandfathers need to read and have as our goal as parents. It speaks of how grandchildren and children should feel about one another. We are currently suffering from a lack of "fatherhood" in our nation. Fathers are abdicating their responsiblities and leaving children to be reared solely by their mothers (with some children even being rejected by their mothers and being left to a grandmother, relative, or the state system. With all due respect to the moms, grandmothers, and those in the foster care system who are doing their best - dads cannot be replaced. Grandchildren are the crown of old men. We see this in one way when we run into the grandfather who has a wallet full of pictures and a heart filled with pride over his precious grandson or granddaughter. He could tell stories for an hour or more about this precious one who is so dear to his heart. But there is a greater thing we also need to see. Children's children are the product of a job well done by a parent. It is one thing to see our children follow the Lord - and it is a joy to see. But a greater joy even than this is when our children also learn from our example to rear their children in the Lord as well. When we see multiple generations blessed by the work of the Lord in their hearts, we experience the crown - the vicotry that God desires for us in our families. A grandfather who is spiritually minded delights to watch his own children teach his grandchildren to walk with God. One of the things that God desired in His people, was that fathers would take seriously their spiritual responsibility of rearing their children in His ways. This was seen when "many generations" were blessed. This only happens when we see the second part of this proverb embraced. We read, "The glory of children are their fathers." This does not happen automatically. It requires a father who looks at his responsibility to lead his family - and who seeks to fulfill that responsiblity - not for just a day, or a week, or even a year. He seeks to live out God's best for a lifetime. I've watched men do this and it is a joy to watch how their children view them. One man I know personally is his daughter's hero. I watch his 3 daughters as they are around him. Many men would give all that they have to see that look in their daughter's eyes. To these girls, their father is their glory. I also know a man whose son looks at him in the same way. This young man truly has a worthy hero - and the hero is not some athlete or movie star whose life does not deserve emulation. His hero is his dad. Let me say that these looks do not come cheap. These two men have given their lives to love the Lord first - their wives second - and their children third. They have their priorities straight - and they live by them. They don't have a ton of hobbies - and are not men who live for themselves and what they want. They sacrifice and live to please God and to love others. They lay down their lives on behalf of their wives and children. This is a daily act on their part that may seem costly to some men - but these two dads would say that it was a mere pittance compared to what they've received through the love of their families. We have a picture of how things should be. Grandchildren should be the crown of the old men who have them. Children should glory in their fathers. That is the norm in the kingdom of God. The question we should then ask as fathers is very simple. "Are we living in such a way that they have someone in whom to glory?" Our ultimate example in all this is God. He gave and gave - and lives to bless His children - even when they are not exactly worthy of blessing. May we make it our lifelong ambition to be "like Him." Be like the ultimate Father - and give ourselves for our bride and children. When we do so, we will find that there are blessings - marvelous blessings for a job well done in this area. A man who loves wisdom makes his father glad, But he who keeps company with harlots wastes his wealth. Proverbs 29:3
We see again the correlation between wisdom and the relationship between a father and a son. Here we see that the father has taught his son well to avoid the company of harlots. Truly he has a wise father if he has taught his son this. I once talked to a campus minister who worked with young men and asked him what one thing did more to derail the process of discipleship. He did not even pause in answering me. His words reverberated in my soul - and still remain there. He said, "When they get involved with the wrong kind of girl." If we love wisdom, we will know that the wrong relationship with a woman can be devastating to us. The first 9 chapters of Proverbs warns us again and again of this trap. When we love wisdom, we are one who listens to these warnings and heeds them. We avoid those kind of relationships and steer clear of any kind of involvement with a woman that would rob us of our ability to think, to reason, and to make wise decisions. We love seeing things from God's perspective - and seeing things this way helps us to deal with our sexuality without being burned. Our sexuality is a gift from God Himself - and is only to be given to our wives. Ladies, the same is true for you - your sexuality is a gift from your heavenly Father - and is only to be given to your husband. When a man begins to "keep company" with harlots, he is evidencing that he is a fool. One of the reasons loose women hang around a man is so that he will spend his money on them. He will do so in large amounts because the more he spends on this loose woman, the looser she will become with him. The fool may think that she really likes him - or that she truly thinks he is her man - but all that will go away as soon as the money runs out. In the end, he has lost something he will not regain in his sexual purity - but he will also lose large amounts of money in the process. If he is foolish enough to do this when he is married - and follow a harlot into adultery, divorce, and remarriage - he'll even lose more money when it is all over. We've seen this again and again in the world - when rich men marry young women who throw themselves at them. When the woman has stayed long enough to get a lot of his money and wants to move on - she cleans him out in the divorce settlement. The fool does not love wisdom - he loves his immorality. He loves that his money can buy him illicit relationships (note I did not say love, because whatever he has gotten - it isn't love). But the fool and his money are soon departed. If he is wise, he will have learned from the situation - but most don't - as evidenced by their next relationship with another woman after the same thing. The fool never learns. That is why it is such a delight to have a son who loves wisdom - and - who knows the pitfalls of his sexuality when it takes over and turns him into little more than a moron. Then he taught me and said to me, "Let your heart hold fast my words; Keep my commandments and live; Proverbs 4:4
Fathers, what are you wanting in a relationship with your children? Now, I'm not talking to the father whose heart is not turned to the Lord, for often what a lot of men in that condition want is to be relieved of the responsibility of their children. Selfishness and self-centeredness often leads men to care far more about themselves than their children. The godly father, though, is clearly represented in this passage. Let's take a look today and learn wisdom from him. First of all, the godly father is involved in teaching his children. It is important to see this because too often dads leave imparting spiritual wisdom to their children to their wives - and to the Sunday school teacher and youth pastor. Let me say something as strongly as I can at this point. "DAD, YOU CANNOT BE REPLACED IN THIS MATTER!" Your children absolutely need your imput into their lives. They need a godly father to impart God's wisdom to them. I know at this point a lot of fathers panic and think to themselves, "What would I even teach them?" How about Proverbs? How about the 10 commandments? How about just reading to them the sermon on the mount? Just read some and let them ask you questions. Listen to the godly father here. He says to his children, "Let your heart hold fast my words." What a great thing to say to your kiddos. Teach them the Word - read it to them - and then afterward say to them that what you want more than anything else in the world is their heart. You want them to hold fast the Words of God that you read to them. Impart to them a heart that wants to hold your words close. Impart to them a heart that wants to obey God and follow Him. These are things that only you can give your chlidren - and if you don't - not even the best children's ministry and youth ministry in the world can replace you! The godly father also tells his children that they need to keep the commandments - to guard them - to watch over them and desire to obey them. Then tell your children that if they keep God's Word - which will be the word you share with them - they will live! Let them know what REAL living is - it is living out God's Word and living to bring honor and glory to Him! Dads! hear me well - and hear God's Word. The godly father wants his children's hearts! He wants them to be drawn to the ultimate Father whose wisdom will bless them and help them to live a life like no other. Follow the example of this godly father in Scripture. Speak the things of the Lord to your children - make this a priority. You cannot be replaced in this role. Others may fulfill it in your absence - but know this - it will be most effective when it comes from you. No one else will have the impact and the power you will have when you do this. So many bemoan the problems of our world and wonder what it will take to bless a generation of children coming up. I can tell you what can turn us in one generation . . . fathers . . . godly fathers . . . godly fathers who speak the Word to their children - and do so to gain their hearts. They gain their hearts so that they can transfer them to the ultimate Father - Who can take our children and lead them all the days of their lives. Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol. Proverbs 23:13-14
Just a warning as I begin today's Proverb of the day . . . those who hold that any type of physical punishment on a child is child abuse will be greatly offended at the wisdom God gives us today. With that said - I will go on record as supporting the spanking of a disobedient and rebellious child. We've done it with all six of ours and they seem to have adjusted well - none of them are ax murderers or any other kind of violent offenders. All this being said - mostly tongue in cheek - there are proverbs about child rearing that I find humorous. This is one of them. This proverb begins by saying that we do not need to hold back discipliine from a child. This is actually one of the most "unloving" things you can do to your child. You are ensuring that the child will be used to getting his or her own way - and that they will indeed be a spoiled brat as they grow older. At the very least, you are making sure they will be selfish - and that the lessons they should have learned early in life will be learned with much harder lessons later in life. All children are born selfish and self-centered. This is due to the fall of man into sin. I realize that this particular view runs counter to most educational models of this present world. They believe that man is basically good and that if we just get out of man's way with our oppressive rules and regulations - man would find his own way to the next level of evolution. The Bible teaches that man is fallen - and that given his own way that man will ruin himself eventually. We watch this in our world in general from year to year - decade to decade - and millenium to millenium. But we can watch the same thing with a child. Every child needs discipline. Some will seem to more naturally be given to disicpline - while others are terrors from birth. You can be assured of a different ride based on the basic temperment of the child - but all need discipline. What I find funny about this passage is the next statement. "Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die." Some will try to argue that the rod refers to the mouth or some other ridiculous translation stretch. The rod refers to a stick or switch or some other instrument which you use to strike the child. The word "strike" here is the Hebrew "nakah" and it means to strike or to smite. It speaks of a physical strike. Now the intent here is not to damage the child - but to sting the child with the spanking so as to administer a physical response to disobedience. As the child grows older the striking or smiting should be eventually replaced with reason and understanding. But when they are little the physical pain is to direct them away from the wrong - and eventually into the right as their reasoning skills grow. They learn obedience from what they suffer in this part of being disciplined. What I find funny - is that the Bible tells us that the child won't die when you strike him or her. First, that should tell us that the intent is not to damage the child - but it also reminds me of the way a couple of my kids reacted to being spanked. Some would do all they could to not register any kind of response. Others though could have won an academy award with theirs. You would think they were about to die with the way they carried on about the spanking. We would talk and remind them why they were being disciplined - and afterward would hug them and remind them that we loved them. But during - oh, during the discipliine one would have thought that they were about to die. I think this statement here is for parents - to remind them that some of us do have the more dramatic children who will pitch a fit over their discipline. The second verse - verse 14 then reminds us of the reason for the discipline in the first place. We will strike our child with the rod - and rescue them from Sheol. Sheol is the place of the dead - it is the place where punishment is given until the final day of judgment. If left to themselves, children will run the way of their sin nature. They will not come to Christ on their own - neither will they often see the value of godly discipline and godly character. Character is not a given in a child (or an adult for that matter). Character is built from times of discipline and molding. Those moments honestly, are usually more painful that many of us would like to admit. To withhold discipline and spankings from a child is actually a cruel thing to do. Life is eventually going to administer discipline to us. We face it every day. Waking up in time to get to work is discipline. There are days when I do not find it pleasurable - but I discipline myself to do it for the good. Eating properly and exercising for my health can be a discipline that is not enjoyable. I would prefer eating 25 chocolate chip cookies - but discipline myself not to for the good in the end. I learn to exercise because the 30-40 minutes of discipline results in an entire day feeling good and being able to live a longer, healthier life. Rearing a child to think that discipline is not a part of life is cruel. They grow up wrongly thinking that everything is going to be easy and fun. I am not one of those who think we should make all learning fun. To be honest - some learning is just - well learning. It is hard to memorize - but it bears such wonderful fruit. It is hard to discipline myself to read 4 chapters of the Word every day - but it has yielded a strategic grasp of the Bible I could not have gotten any other way. Discipline is part of life. Proverbs itself tells me that reproofs for discipline is the way of life. If we lived in a pefect world where selfishness and self-centeredness were not affecting us - we could live in a world without discipline. But we do not. We live in a world where people are selfish - where we ourselves our selfish. That is why we need discipline. And those who receive it early in life from loving parents are far better off than those who think they are blessing their children by withholding it. POSTSCRIPT: Recently, individuals have quoted articles from this section and stated that we teach child abuse at Calvary Chapel Jonesboro. To this I feel the need to respond. First, biblically, we are told that if we have a problem with our brother to go to our brother - not the internet - and confront our brother. To date, these individuals have yet to contact me to discuss these things. That should say volumes in itself. Second, we do not teach child abuse at our fellowship. This blog is an endeavor to teach what is in the Bible for the edification and upbuilding of God's people. Anyone who has been to our fellowship knows that in our classrooms we administer NO physical discipline. We correct with words and with "time outs" and eventually with a report to parents. From our nursery throughout every age group our people are instructed NEVER to administer physical discipline. We believe this right alone belongs to a parent. Even then we teach the following about any application of physical discipline. Discipline is about the heart of a child. Physical or corporal punishment is ONLY to be administered in a spirit of love for the child. Teaching and loving verbal correction is key - as is prayer for the child's eventual salvation in Jesus Christ. Any physical punishment administered due to anger or rage is out of line and wrong. The parent is to discipline the child with appropriate discipline - not abuse. In the end the child should be taught - and in every circumstance hugged, loved, and prayed with after any physical punishment to assure them of our love. The idea of a "beating" is completely out of step with what the Scriptures are teaching. Instead the idea of loving discipline is intended. For I give you sound teaching; Do not abandon my instruction. Proverbs 4:2
Here is another call for fathers to be the spiritual leaders of their homes - and the primary Bible teacher in their children's lives. The father here is speaking to his sons. Here is something we desperately need to recover in our day - that spiritual mentoring of sons by their fathers. I work with men every week - and I see in their eyes the pain they feel because this did not happen in their lives. There is something missing in the "man's experience" when he is not mentored by his father. We find in so-called primitive cultures that the fathers train their sons and bring them through a "coming-of-age" ritual. These boys know then they have left the world of youth and moved into their roles as adults - as men. For the most part our boys have no idea when this happens - and as a result we have a plethora of 20-60 year old boys running around in our world making tremendous messes of their lives - and the lives of their wives and children. The father her says to his son these amazing words, "For I give you sound teaching." The church today - if sound teaching is offered at all - is considered responsible to teach our children and our youth the things of God. These things are needed, but they are only to be suplemental to what is happening in the home. If our children do not hear these things from their fathers - what the church does will not replace it. We need to grasp that our children are most likely to become - not what we want them to be - but what we actually are. If the father does not teach his sons the things of God - no youth pastor will ever completely fill that role. Most likely the boys growing up in that home will mirror his level of commitment to the things of God. This is why it is imperative that fathers take their roles with their sons very seriously. The father offers to his sons sound teaching in the Word. For the father who does this for his sons - they have an inheritance that goes far beyond silver and gold. They have a foundation that will stand the test of time - and if they follow their father's example - they will wind up blessing multiple generations of their family. For a society that does this - there is a sound foundation that will bless for years to come. Our founding fathers took such a role very seriously - with their own families - and with our nation as a whole. Look at the blessings that have come even into our day because of their faithfulness. The father also instructs and commands his sons not to abandon his teaching - literally, his law. Here is another biblical principle that we need to recapture. College professors and liberals today infect our children with the thought that it is the height of ignorance to simply believe what their parents taught them - especially when it has to do with religious beliefs. They save their greatest vitriol for Christianity and belief in God. The result of swimming in such moral and educational bilge water is that our children too often abandon their faith during these years and walk in ways that they regret for years to come. Oh dads, your role is far greater than you could ever imagine! YOU are responsible for giving your sons "sound teaching." The King James calls this "good doctrine" and this is so very accurate. Take your role seriously fathers! Make time in your life to know good doctrine yourself. Even if your father did not take this task seriously - you start something wonderful in the future generations of your family. Spend time with your sons and daugthers teaching them the things of God. Implant within them good, sound doctrine from the Scriptures - as well as an example your children want to follow long after they leave your home. We live in a day where the "Tea Party Movement" is seeking to restore the nation our forefathers gave to us. They do so pointing to the Constitution and the restoration of limited government. Being a patriot as well as one who believes strongly in our form of government and freedom - I applaud these efforts. But, they will ultimately fail if our nation is not also restored to her former religious - and by that I mean Christian - heritage. We cannot be governed by the United States Constitution alone. Our forefathers realized that first and foremost they were governed by the Law of God in their hearts. They spoke of how limited government could exist because the 10 commandments initially governed the human heart - and limited wickedness in society. Without this "inner-law" governing the hearts of Americans and their leaders - no external law can reign in society - without it being adversely affected by the inner wickedness of the fallen human heart. This is where government will never be able to fill the void of godly fathers. Without dads teaching their sons the things of God - at least teaching and modeling for them a life governed by the commandments of God - society will inevitable fall apart. Without dads who teach their sons and daughters the gospel of Jesus Christ. Without their hearts being transformed so that Law is written on their hearts - evil will gain ascendency in our individual lives - in our corporate structures - and in our governing bodies. What I would love to see is that the Tea Parties not just speak to the abandonment of the Constitution - but also speak to the abandonment of our children by their fathers. When I say this - I am not speaking of the fathers who physically abandon their children - although I see this as part and parcel of our spiritual decline. I speak of how the fathers of the United States have abandoned their children spiritually - expecting government and the church to fill a role God never intended them to take. Only a revival of godly fathers fulfilling their roles in their families will truly turn the next generation around in our land. May the Lord have mercy on us - and bring about a revival of fatherly proportions. Do not give your strength to women, Or your ways to that which destroys kings. Proverbs 31:3
Here is a wise mother's advice to her son - and it is all the more poignent because we know it is the advice of Bathsheba to her son Solomon. What is Bathsheba's advice? She tells her son not to give his strength to women. What does it mean to give one's strength to a woman - or in this case to women? The word strength here means to have strength and influence. It has the idea of someone who has a great deal of influence over you - over what you do - and over how you expend your strength. Bathsheba knew from her own sin that it was devastating when a king gives undue influence to women in his life. David chose to give himself and his strength to pursue immorality with Bathsheba. He chose then to give himself to a cover-up of that sin. In the end, David gave himself over to a laundry list of sins including lust, adultery, lying, deception, murder, hypocrisy - and many more just because he decided to give women his strength and influence in what he did. This led to disaster in his kingdom, in his family, and in the history of his life. God's grace overcame all this as David repented and turned back to the Lord. But oh, what a dark chapter of his life was written when he gave undue heed to women. Now, before anyone thinks this is women-bashing, I want to make certain in what situations one is and is not to heed the influence of a woman. In the case of godly mothers and wives - HEED THEM AND LISTEN TO WHAT THEY SAY! God makes it clear that the influence of a godly mother is vital to a young man. When God gives him a godly wife - it is a good thing the Lord has done. Many a man has been greatly blessed by the influence of a godly wife and mother. But that is not what Bathsheba is saying here. And before anyone thinks this is a rant from a male chauvenist pig - remember - Solomon's MOM is the one giving this advice to him! The kind of women Bathsheba warns against are the ones who lead a man into sin - or at least greatly encourage it. She says to stay away from the "ways" that destroy kings. What a loaded statement this is! Think of all the men who were destroyed by their involvement with immoral women! By the way - the kings chose to be immoral as well - because it takes two to become involved in consentual sexual relations. If we need any examples of this, they abound in our world today. In 2010, the governor of South Carolina was destroyed by his involvement with a South American mistress. Tiger Woods reputation and fame will forever be marred by his involvement with prostitutes. These situations destroy men - and the higher the man - the greater the potential for disaster. Oh, how we need to hear these words from Bathsheba - words of warning most likely tinged with shades of her own regret. Too bad Solomon did not listen to his mother. His latter years were spent in the midst of this ruin - as he sought many wives and many concubines. Solomon probably thought he had it made sexually with somewhere around 1000 different women catering to his every whim and desire. The problem is that he didn't have it made - he made a mess. His immorality and unwise actions didn't just betray his mother - they betrayed all of Israel and more than anyone else - the Lord his God. Because he did not heed the words of his wise mother - Israel was divided and eventually fell. At the core of this fall was a disregard of God's warnings against sexual immorality. Interesting isn't it - we can either be blessed by adhereing to godly wisdom - or we can crash on the rocks of those very warnings. So tell me - which direction are you headed? The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son makes a father glad, But a foolish son is a grief to his mother. Proverbs 10:1
We now move to Proverbs that Solomon wrote - not so much advice from his own father and mother - but those pithy little one verse statements that we treasure from him when trying to make wise decisions. The first of these deals with how a wise and foolish son affects a family. The wise son is the one who orders his life according to God's commandments and ways. He walks through life with the Word of God foremost in his mind and choices. What is interesting here is that the Scriptures says that this son makes his father glad. The word for glad here is "samah" and it means to be glad, rejoice, be joyful, even to gloat. This is the day who wants to brag on his boy and the great choices he is making. You can see him telling everyone about his son's achievements. This is the case when a son gets a Ph.D. or when he is a football star. But what we need to note here is that the reason this father is glad is because his son is wise. That means this son may not have been the star of the team or the number one student in his class. He may not have been the doctor or the wildly successful businessman. All these things you can achieve without being wise or understanding. This definitely reminds dads what is important - and that is wisdom. If our sons become wise men who love the Lord and honor Him with their lives - we should be ecstatic! That is what is important and what really matters. Oh dads, make this your goal and the thing you strive for in rearing your sons. What a much better world this would be if we had young men who were urged toward wisdom rather than toward the normal cast of worldly achievements. The latter half of this verse is not as joyful as the first. It says that the foolish son is a grief to his mother. This is the classic word for fool used again - the one who has no idea of how to live before God in a successful, practical, godly way. He lacks any kind of real spiritual wisdom or undersanding of life. He is pretty much oblivious to the whole idea of living for God's purposes, plans, and glory. As a result, though he may be wildly successful in the eyes of men - before God he is a spiritual pygmy. The commentary on this boy is that he is a grief to his momma. This grief is a sorrow and it speaks of a feeling of great loss and loneliness. When it comes to this verse I don't have to speak from principle - I know what this looks like up close and personal. My two sons walk with the Lord today - but there was a period of about 3-4 years when they did not. I grieved and prayed during this time - desiring for my boys to turn their hearts and lives to God. But my wife was a different story. Her grieving went so much deeper than my own. She wept often and spent hours praying for her boys. It broke her heart to see them not desire to walk in God's ways. Her reaction to them was probably ten times more intense than my own. It was painful at times when I watched her grieve this way - but she was pretty much inconsolable until they had returned to living for Christ. I'm not even sure that a guy can grasp how deeply a mother grieves for her children - especially her sons. I know that this verse does not seem to be positive - and honestly it isn't. It is primarily a warning to sons to live for Christ. I think it is also a verse that warns parents of how much their children's choices will affect their own lives. But I want to offer a tinge of hope to those who have wayward sons. Embrace the grieving and allow the Lord to use it to empower your prayers. Also allow Him to use it to bring a deeper repentance and turning to Him in your own lives. That is what I watched my own sweetheart do when she walked through 3-4 pretty dark years of her life. But I also say that she would not let go until her sons were serving the Lord. I'm watching it even today as we rear our daughters. I'm committed to this process - but there is something deeper in her. For her it is life itself. She has poured her life into our kids - and to be honest there is within her a determination that they follow Christ. For that I am grateful - for I think that the way our kids follow the Lord is far more due to her prayers and tears - than it is to mine. My son, give attention to my wisdom, Incline your ear to my understanding; Proverbs 5:1
"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears." This was the way Shakespeare began the speech of Mark Antony in Julius Caesar. It was a cry for people to listen and to pay close attention because something very important was going to be said. Proverbs has its own soliloquies as well - but they come from the mouths of mothers and fathers to their sons and daughters. This is how the father begins his speech to his son - by calling him to listen and to pay close attention to what he is going to say. Give attention, pay heed, pay attention, listen is what the father is saying to his son. But he is not calling him to attention to just anything - he is calling his attention to the wisdom that the father shares with him. Wisdom is the familiar word "chokmah" in the Hebrew meaning which means not just seeing or knowing things from God's perspective - but having a skill and experience in using this wisdom to make moral and practical decisions. We are not to turn the education and en-wisening of our children over to others. That is what western culture has done too often. We turn our kids over to the school - even to their Sunday school teachers and youth leaders. Let them teach our children wisdom - that's what they're for right? WRONG! They are there to only add to and embellish the core teachings that should have come from us. When we do not do our jobs as parents - believe me - no one else can make up for it. The father calls his son to bend his ear close when he speaks and when he instructs. "Incline your ear" is like Shakespeare's, "Lend me your ears," comment. It is saying to the son that he needs to stretch out his ears - bend them toward what the father is saying. He is to extend and lean his ears to what is being said - but even more to that - to understand his father's words and see how they apply to all of life! We talk about how the younger generation is leaving the church. They are leaving because they see very little relevance to their lives from what is being taught. They see the Bible as stories told when they were little - as an antiquated book that no longer applies to today's world. Why? Because they did not hear from dad - nor see in dad a daily pursuit of the truth - as well as a daily understanding of how that truth applies to making decisions in the everyday life that he leads. Of course they are going to think it is of little value. Oh, but when a father teaches his children these things - calls them to listen and bend their ear close as he instructs them. When dad reveals to them a life lived from the perspective of God and of Scripture - that - dear brothers and sisters is a life that will call a son to follow. That child will value what he has heard and SEEN in his father. He will listen because he has SEEN how important this book - the Bible - is to how his father lives. That, my brothers is how we recapture this generation. We do so by living according to God's wisdom - then calling our sons to listen as we recount time after time when that wisdom guided us through the minefields of life. Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, And give attention that you may gain understanding, Proverbs 4:1
Today I listened again to a radio commercial that bashed fathers as being ignorant, disobedient, deceptive, and untrustworthy. The children were painted as smarter and more morally astute than their dad - who was represented, as usual, as a buffoon. Some of this treatment is deserved, because too many men are very self-centered and self-absorbed. They don't really offer much to their families in the way of moral training or moral direction. They are the buffoon who sits on the couch after a day of work - beckoning for more beer as they watch television - usually sporting events which now run nonstop on the various ESPN channels. But this is not how things are supposed to be - Scripture has a different model for us to follow. "Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father . . . " Here is where things are radically different in the way of biblical instruction. The father is the one calling to the sons and daughters - and he calls with a desire to offer valuable "instruction" to them. This word instruction acutally means to discipline, chasten, correct, warn, and instruct. This is not your garden variety "Father Knows Best" talks - this is serious stuff! This dad is not merely trying to teach his children something - he is committed to doing it even if it means that chastisement and correction are involved. Here is a dad that seriously wants his children to walk in the ways of wisdom. He desires for his kids to follow the Lord. Any man who desires this knows that it will mean discipline and correction will be necessary. Children don't just go in the right direction automatically. In fact, because of the fall of man, you can be assured that they will NOT follow God as a natural course of living. They will need to be taught God's ways - and they will also need to be disciplined and chastised so that they learn to reject their flesh and embrace wisdom. Do not let us be like Eli, who offered a half-hearted rebuke to his sons. We need to correct and train for righteousness - preparing our children for the ultimate teacher, the Holy Spirit, to convict and bring them to the Savior. The godly father also commands his children's attention in these matters. This is not something we can forgoe in life - it is a matter of life and death for our children. We must call them to listen and to know and understand as a result of what we do in disciplining them. It is only this way that they will get the discernment and truth that they will need to walk with God and follow as they should in His way. Far from being the local buffoon, the man of God is called to a high calling. He is called to direct and discipline his children in the ways of the Lord. To do this will require us to give ourselves to the Lord and His ways. It will require us to reject the image of men in today's society - ignore the insults and caricatures of weak men - and instead forge ahead in the way God would have us live. It is my hope that from examples like this - people would see men - see fathers as indispensable to a goodly society that knows the right and rejects the wrong. Because whether our soceity knows it or not - they are absolutely vital to its success! |
Proverb a DayEach day, we'll take a look at a verse from the chapter of Proverbs for the day. Our hope is to gain wisdom each day - and from that wisdom - to have understanding to make godly decisions in the throes of everyday life. Thank you for visiting our website! Everything on this site is offered for free. If, however, you would like to make a donation to help pay for its continued presence on the internet, you can do that by clicking here. The only thing we ask is that you give first to the local church you attend. Thank you!
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