Category: Gentleness

Bone-Crushing Gentleness? - Proverbs 25:15

8/27/2012

By forbearance a ruler may be persuaded, And a soft tongue breaks the bone. Proverbs 25:15

Today's proverb has to do with the power of persuasion - especially when the one who is to be persuaded is someone in authority, like a ruler or a king. How is it that we persuade someone so high in office? The answer might shock you, because the Lord says that it is not the forceful man that will win the day. Patience and gentleness have much greater power to persuade than a blustery, arrogant person.

Forbearance is what is needed, according to our proverb. The Hebrew word here is "orek" and it means something long or lengthy. It describes physical measurements. The word used to describe the length of Noah's ark as well as to describe things like large land measurements. But what is measured as long in this passage is the patience and willingness to stick with one's cause before someone in authority. The idea is that a person forbears the fact that the ruler has a different opinion - and seeks to bring the powers of persuasion to bear on him over time. Most rulers are not given to quick swings in opinion - and when they do - it has the danger of not lasing long. The influence of the wise man is applied to a decision over a long period of time. That is one reason he is effective in getting the ruler to think and reason as he does. William Wilberforce spent his entire lifetime forbearing with those who differed with him on the issue of slavery. Yet he held to his views and continued to persuade men by holding them no matter what the outcome of votes within Parliment. In the end, his willingness to remain in the fight and stay there for years won the day for him and his cause.

There is a second tool that a wise man uses in persuading a ruler. We are instructed that a soft or gentle tongue can break a bone. What a powerful picture that is for us - and yet how contrary to the way that many of us are wired to think. It is not boisterousness and bravado that win the day with the ruler. It is the wise, soft spoken and gentle man who can eventually persuade the king on a matter. Consider Daniel for a moment on this matter. He was a very wise man who had tremendous influence on the king. Yet we do not have a single passage where Daniel speaks impassioned words to the king. Joseph was the same way. He was a man of controlled passions when it came to his dealings with Pharaoh. This kind of strength under control allies great power. The king and the Pharaoh came to have great confidence in these godly men. Their words - though gentle in their presentation - were powerful and could accomplish much.

Of those who led with forbearance and gentle words, Jesus stands more significant among all. He was patient with His disciples - and submitted Himself to God and even to others when He Himself had once sat at the right hand of God Himself. He spoke in ways that made men marvel - and commanded even the elements to submit to His will. When standing before a corrupt pseudo-court of man - Jesus was able to be quiet - even amazing His captors with His behavior. And when it came to raw displays of power - His simple words, "I am He," in the garden caused a wicked mob to stagger backwards and fall to the ground on their backs. Gentleness bearing great power - Jesus was the epitome of it in life.

Too many in our day think that to be influential you have to be a jerk. They see power as something wielded with an iron fist. You don't take anything from anybody - even someone in a position of authority. Such behavior may get you a temporary rung higher on the corporate ladder, but it will NOT bode well for you long into the future. The "gentle-tongued" man does not make the kind of enemies that the man with the macho attitude. He does not leave a trail of crushed egos and smashed careers along the way. The man who triumphs with power and a lack of gentleness will have many who will cheer for his fall. The gentle man learns to break a bone with the gentle and controlled way that he quietly and consistently speaks for his principles. Thus he comes to the point of persuasioin without all the baggage of his blustery counterparts.

Learn to influence others wisely. Learn to stand in positions of principle steadfastly. Learn to persuade others with soft, gentle, bone-crushing power. The power you access in the process will not be that of the fleshly elite of this world, whose kingdoms are passing away. The power you access will be that of the Son of God - Who remained silent as a lamb before His shearers - and yet who crushed death and hell under the weight of His godly obedience to His Father. There, dear saints, is power!

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Confessions of a "Disgusting Morning Person" - and the Proverb that Helped Him - Proverbs 27:14

1/27/2011

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He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, It will be reckoned a curse to him. Proverbs 27:14

Ah, we come to the proverb written to remind morning people like myself that not everyone else is a morning person. It is also written to remind us that some wake up and become conscious at a much slower rate than others. This also means that they are far more sensitive to sound and obnoxious morning people than we who are the obnoxious morning people realize. Thus, for the sake of their early morning sanity - as well as for the sake of our susceptibility to being hit by a accurately thrown alarm clock - it is wise for us to be gracious to the non-morning person.

This proverb really has special meaning to me. I am what is called a "disgusting morning person." That is the person who doesn't just wake up early in the morning - but - who can wake up and within about 30 seconds be in a good mood, whistling as I walk down the hallway to the kitchen. This trait, although a blessing to me, is viewed by the typical non-morning person as - well - as what Proverbs says it is here - a curse.

Yes, I've been guilty of awakening the members of my very patient family with my loudness in the morning hours. I've learned that the following actions are not welcome in the morning. Singing in the shower - especially the happy type of songs I tend to sing at that hour of the morning. Awakening people with the statement, "Rise and shine!" Being incredulous that everyone else in the house does not awaken with a spring in their step. Walking with "said springy step" down the hallway (which has wooden floors) with any kind of shoes that make noise. Any whistling whatsoever - before the second coming of Christ. I jest about these things because they've been brought up at least 10 times by those around me. I was once labeled by the sweetest lady I've ever known besides my wife - as the loudest man in the world in the mornings.

The wisdom in this proverb is for those of us who are morning people - and for those who wake up first in a household - as well as amongst friends. It has to do with being considerate and courteous. When we act like this early in the morning - we are being rude to those who do not wake up early. Just as we who rise early would not appreciate someone playing loud music and stomping around the house past midnight (for me past about 10:30 p.m.) because it would keep us awake, so our counterparts who are night owls do not appreciate us not just rising with the early bird, but trying to outsing him before the sun rises. It is just a matter of kindness and good manners.

The guy we wake up with a loud voice - even if we are speaking a blessing - will not appeciate our "Sally-sunshine" comments. We are to live iwth others according to THEIR need - not our desire. Learning this wisdom will save you from a myriad of problems - not just with non-morning people - but with anyone who is not exactly like you.

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The Divine Combination of Kindness and Truth . . . Proverbs 3:3-4

3/3/2010

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Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute In the sight of God and man. Proverbs 3:3-4

How can a person maintain a good reputation as well as the favor of those around him or her? Even more important to us as believers is the thought of how we can have these things in the sight of God. The answer may be different than you think.

Two things you must have to enjoy favor and a good reputation among men and with God are kindness and truth. These two things are a perfect team. Some people are geared toward kindness more than anything else. They are very merciful people who can commiserate with anyone around them. They are a perfect shoulder to cry on - and they will always join with you in feeling your pain. When going through difficulties they will listen and love you no matter what. It is a blessing to be geared toward kindness - but there a liabilities as well. When you are geared toward kindness at all times, you will find it very difficult to share tough truths with people who really need to hear them. One of the pitfalls of being filled with kindness alone is that you can become someone who enables people to stay where they are when they desperately need change in their lives. For someone with a deep problem this can lead to an enabling relationship that allows them to continue with lifestyle choices like alcohol abuse, drug abuse, or sexual problems.

There are also those who are geared toward truth. They will speak the truth to you in all situations. In fact they have a difficult time with those who won't take a stand on an issue. These people are wonderful to have around when you need to have a confrontation in regard to sin - or s situation where only truth can remedy things. These people are people of integrity and honor. But, a problem can develop when only truth is spoken. The problem is not the truth verbalized, but the spirit in which is it spoken. Those given to truth sometimes lack the personal touch - the ability to speak the truth in love and with kindness. They can offend - not because of the truth they speak - but because of the way that they speak it.

This is why Proverbs tells us that we need to have both kindness and truth. There is a balance here. Both are needed to truly be a person who knows the blessing of having a good reputation and favor of both God and man. When these things are combined you have someone who speaks the truth in love. You have the person, who according to Proverbs, can speak the truth gently, and who can with a gentle word break a bone. These two things need to be bound around our neck and written uon our hearts. What you have when you have this is the character of Jesus Himself working and speaking through you. He had the ability to speak the truth in incredibly difficult situations. He did not back away from truth - but spoke the truth with kindness.

One of the most amazing examples of this was in John 8 when Jesus was tested by hypocritical men who brought a woman caught in adultery to Him. These men did not truly want justice - because they did not bring the man as well. They only wanted to have something with which to trap Jesus and give rise to criticism and the ability to destroy Him. The humiliated adultress was thrown right in front of Him, along with the question of whether He was going to agree with the Law that such a woman should be stoned for her offense. Jesus stated anyone without sin could cast the first stone. Here He spoke truth dealing with the hypocrisy of His accusers. Eventually they all left, knowing as they did their own sinfulness and hypocrisy. Jesus made His comments gently and graciously, the bent over to draw with a stick in the sand. Then after they all had left - He dealt with the woman. Offering her His love - and no condemnation for her sin - He spoke with great kindness to her. He asked where her accusers were - where those who sought to condemn here. She stated that none of them were left to condemn her. He then revealed that He was not going to condemn her either. But He did not stop with kindness only, there was the issue of her adultery. To this issue He spoke truth when He told her to go her way and sin no more. There it is perfectly demonstrated - kindness and truth bound together in one difficult situation.

When we do this - we won't be popular with everyone. But will will have favor and a good reputation with men because they know we will be fair and gracious with them. We will also know God's favor because we show both His love and His justice. It is a difficult balance to maintain. This is especially true with those bent in one direction or another - toward far more kindness or far more truth. We can thank God that in His Son He showed us what the perfect balance of the two looks like when walking among men. So if you want to have these two things, kindness and truth bound perfectly together, there is only one real source where you can have them. They only exist in perfect balance in Jesus Christ. Embrace Him and you will find that they are yours as well.

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Harsh or Gentle Answer . . . Makes all the Difference - Proverbs 15:1

2/15/2010

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A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

Ours is an offended society today. It seems to be a never-ending cycle in our news of someone who has said something that someone else considers offensive. The result is that the other person responds harshly to what has been said, which in turn stirs up more anger. I was listening to a radio show today and heard the host do his dead-level best to stir up as much anger as possible. Over and over again he spoke harshly against the things he was seeing commenting that our response should be anger and outrage. As I considered this proverb I began to realize that where we are going as a society is not good. It is getting to the point where we are unable to laugh at ourselves. Instead everyone just seems to be getting more and more outraged. That is why, at least for me, it was good to read this particular proverb today.

This proverb begins with an assumption. Something has been said that can in some way offend - or at least cause a strong reaction in someone's mind. It speaks of a "gentle answer" which of course precludes that someone has either asked something - or said something that deserves a response. The question then hangs in the air, "How are we going to respond." What is interesting about this is that we're not being asked about content - we're being queried about the spirit of our response.

A gentle answer turns away wrath. This is true when we are offended and want to offer a harsh answer to some way we've been hurt or offended. This requires wisdom. It also requires the work of God's Holy Spirit - or at least our dependence upon Him in these moments. We are at least reminded of the reward that we get when we choose to answer gently. This kind of answer turns away wrath. This word "wrath" indicates heat and rage. This is a person who is in the midst of hot displeasure or what the Bible calls, burning anger. This person is either on the edge of losing it - or - has already lost it. But a gentle, gracious answer will turn away this kind of response. How much we need this not just when we are angry and offended - but especially when someone else is this way. There are those times when someone is offended with us - and the situation can either turn more constructive - or it can get completely out of hand. If we respond to someone with harsh words - the situation is gone - but gentleness will often help the situation calm down and become far more profitable.

But some don't want to answer gently. They let their anger go - and harsh words begin to flow from their mouths. Some think to answer gently is a sign of weakness. Give 'em what they've given you, or they'll walk all over you. By the way, these are also the people who frequently wind up in shouting matches - and have a long list of people who know better than to try to deal with them unless they have to. Harsh words stir up anger. The word stir is an interesting word. It means to cause something to take off, to ascend, or to go to another level. The word for anger here is "aph" and it actually describes the flaring of the nostrils. It describes someone who is angry. The Hebrews spoke of those who had a long nose which meant they were slow to wrath and anger. Someone with a short nose was someone with a quick temper. When we answer with harsh words, the person hearing us will have their anger elevated - it will go to another level - it will cause them to have a short nose, i.e. a quicker temper.

I'm sure you've seen this. Someone begins an argument or voices their frustration. Rather than trying to understand, the second person just reacts - and away we go. I've watched things elevate quickly and have seen two people have their noses get shorter and shorter. Their anger grows - wrath is loosed - and soon a shouting match is the result.

Here is the end of the matter. Showing restraint is a good thing! Showing a long fuse on your temper is wise. We are very wise when we choose NOT to escalate an argument with the way we speak our words. When we choose to answer gently and with wisdom, we will find God often diffusing a situation that easily could have wound up as a major blow up between us and our friend or neighbor. So choose gentleness . . . I doubt you will ever regret it!

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Proverb A DAy

Bone-Crushing Gentleness? - Proverbs 25:15

Confessions of a "Disgusting Morning Person" - and the Proverb that Helped Him - Proverbs 27:14

The Divine Combination of Kindness and Truth . . . Proverbs 3:3-4

Harsh or Gentle Answer . . . Makes all the Difference - Proverbs 15:1

Proverb a Day

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​Proverb A DAy

Bone-Crushing Gentleness? - Proverbs 25:15

Confessions of a "Disgusting Morning Person" - and the Proverb that Helped Him - Proverbs 27:14

The Divine Combination of Kindness and Truth . . . Proverbs 3:3-4

Harsh or Gentle Answer . . . Makes all the Difference - Proverbs 15:1

Proverb a Day

Archives

Proverb A DAy