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Proverbs 29:22 An angry man stirs up strife, and a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression.
A man who flares his nostrils and who is easily filled with passionate anger about things is not going to be a godly or wise man. That is what today's proverb teaches us. Let's look at how anger that is not controlled by the Spirit of God can be a very dangerous thing in our lives. The "angry man" in this proverb is one who often flares his nostrils. That picture to the Hebrew was a picture of a man who often became angry. We read that this is not wise because such a man often stirs up strife. His easily angered temperament will be the source of much fighting. He will not be long suffering and patient. He will grumble and complain thereby stirring up strife and anger in others. This will lead to a situation where he seems to be constantly surrounded by others who are angry - or who have grievances against the ones he is angry with as well. There will be a controversy swirling about him that never seems to die down. Problems and broken relationships will be all around him as the proverbial pot is always being stirred. This man is likened to a "hot-tempered" man. His temperament is set so that it will boil over very easily. He becomes angry quickly - and that anger will lead to arguments and problems often. Contrary to this is the man surrendered to the Holy Spirit whose fruit is peace, patience, gentleness - and - self-control. Slights and problems roll off the Spirit filled man like water off a duck's back. He is a peacemaker and as such is known as one of the sons of God. King Saul had these bad traits in his life. He perceived a slight when the women sang that He had slain thousands and David ten thousands. Jealousy and envy bred anger in King Saul that boiled over in many angry and hot-tempered acts. He was well known for dealing with his anger not by patience and long-suffering, but by throwing spears. He threw them at David because of his jealousy. He threw them because he did not want to deal with his own sin - and came to hate David for how God was with him. He eventually threw them at his own son because he dared love and protect David. His hot-tempered ways led him to kill all the priests in the city of Nob because he raged against the priest seeking The Lord on David's behalf. His uncontrolled anger led him away from God and into abounding levels of transgression and sin. That is what our proverb warns against today. We are warned that an uncontrolled temper let loose in fits of anger will land us in an abundance of sin. If we are not careful we will wind up like Saul whom God would not answer - and whom God removed because of his sin. Patience is a virtue. It is a godly thing to be able to handle a slight - an insult - a perceived put down - and act graciously and godly - without a descent into a fit of anger. A wise man knows that it is not the estimation of men that matters - but the Word of God. Be careful therefore to learn graciousness, kindness, and the ability to be slow to anger. That is the heart of our God - and when we are filled with His Spirit and instructed by His Word - ours as well.
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Like a madman who throws Firebrands, arrows and death, So is the man who deceives his neighbor, And says, "Was I not joking?" Proverbs 26:18-19
I like to call this the, "Practical Jokes" proverb. That is because it describes what can happen when practical joking gets out of hand. Unfortunately, I've watched a few of these in my day and they can get ugly in a hurry. The proverb speaks to us of a certain madman. This guy is out of control. He is throwing three things in his insanity. The first is firebrands - which are akin to something like a flaming arrow. This crazy guy is also shooting regular arrows. The third thing he is dealing in is death. The first two are easy to understand, but this last one is a little more cryptic. I see the final thing in light of what happens due to the deception. He is throwing around these things that hurt physically - but he is also throwing something that hurts emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. He is throwing "death" - he is killing relationships and injuring people so that they are dead to him emotionally. His actions are hurting things and killing someone's ability to be around him - interact with him - and receive anything from him. So we see three pretty rough things going on here. All three are destructive and can cause great harm. The interesting thing is that since he is a madman - his aim may not be the best. From how this is stated, it seems as if a rather random pattern is being followed in how these things are being shot and thrown. Thus he will not hit everyone, but when he does, it is going to hurt badly. It might even kill someone. What could this be describing? Let's look, because the answer is given in verse 19. Verse 19 tells us that the comparison is to a man who deceives his neighbor - then tells him he was only joking. First of all we need to see that this man does these things to his neighbor. The term here implies more than just a casual relationship. Some passages imply a relationship as close as a close friend or even a lover. What he is doing to his neighbor is that he is "deceiving" him. The word here is "ramah" and it means to intentionally deal craftily with someone. Other ways it is used is to indicate lies, betrayal, crass jokes, and even pulling a trick on someone. That is definitely the case here in Proverbs 26:18-19. What is going on is that a trick or a crass joke is being played on a person by his neighbor, which is pretty much the definition of a practical joke. If we did not know the nature of this proverb through the word "ramah" - things become much clearer as we see that after this man deceives his neighbor - he eventually lets him know about it by saying, "Was I not joking?" There it is - a practical joke, pure and simple. But why is this such a strong statement? Is God adamantly opposed to all practical jokes? From what I read here I cannot say one way or the other. This is just a warning about consequences. A day is coming when the practical joker is going to play a joke on someone and it is going to blow up in his face. He is like that madman randomly shooting arrows. Most will fall relatively harmless to the ground. They won't hit any real target. But every once in a while he will strike something - actually someone. When that happens - problems are coming. In some cases real harm comes to someone in a practical joke. Somebody gets physically hurt - and at times it is a bad injury. In other situations the pain is much worse - because it is emotional and relational. I've actually watched relationships broken forever or for a long time because of a practical joke gone bad. These are very sad things to watch because the joke was meant to be funny (at least to the one doing it - and to everyone watching the person humiliated). But at times the humiliation breeds anger. That is why God warns us about it. In all honesty - when I consider that most practical jokes are done to humiliate someone - or at least to laugh at their expense - I think that a wise man should probably avoid them. He knows that such an action may result in an offended brother. And from other proverbs he knows that if this happens that brother will be very hard to win back. That is why the wise man decides against such actions. But before you think I am a 'stick in the mud' on this issue - you should know that I have been the mark of many practical jokes. How do I respond them? I laugh with those who did them . . . sometimes threaten retaliation . . . and usually end up forgetting them and thinking, "You got me good!" It is good to have a sense of humor - and an ability to laugh at yourself. Just remember that some won't - and when that happens - it's going to be bad - very bad. He who digs a pit will fall into it, And he who rolls a stone, it will come back on him. Proverbs 26:27
This is not a proverb that explains why bad things happen to Wylie Coyote - even though at first glance it might. It is actually about those who plan to do evil to others. Those who set traps to catch others and have bad things happen to them are warned in this proverb that what they do will eventually happen to them. Let's take a look at what this means - and also see an example or two. Those who dig a pit do so to catch someone in it. In biblical times people would dig pits and cover them for the purpose of catching more than just animals who would fall into them. These pits would be dug and covered with camouflage as well as wetted down on the sides so that whoever was caught in them would not have opportunity to escape. Those who caught the person would then either take them captive as a slave - or kill the one who fell into the pit. The reason a stone would be rolled is to be put on a steep hill so that it could then be rolled down to kill or badly injure someone who was coming through the valley. This was a tactic of thieves who wanted to steal what travellers would have as they went through valleys and along roads that were next to hilly or mountainous areas. The idea with a pit or with a stone was to injure or kill someone for evil purposes. God warns that those who do such things will fall into a pit themselves. God also warns that the stone that is rolled with come back on them. This is not a reference to an actual pit or an actual stone rolling on them - but was a warning that God was going to hold them responsible for their wicked actions. A good example of this would be the story of Joseph and his brothers. The brothers threw Joseph into a pit with the original intention of killing him because of their jealous hatred of him. Joseph and his stinking varicolored coat reminded them every day that their father loved him more than them - so why not teach the little runt a lesson. Of course killing your brother is a little intense. In the end they decided just to sell him into lifelong slavery (their sibling rivalry was way more intense that what I remember with my brothers). They covered their tracks by dipping the hated coat in blood and telling their father that a wild animal killed Joseph. But the pit they dug - and the rock they rolled was going to come back on them one day. The first "pit-experience" was when their father almost died from grief. Then there was the famine that came and caused them to have to go to Egypt where they had to ask for food from . . . wait for it . . . their snotty little brother who was now the second ruler of Egypt. What was very good for them was that their brother had far more mercy on them in their pit that they had on him when he was in theirs. They had rolled their stone on him - but he refused to roll his on them. He chose forgiveness rather than revenge. The varied pits that you can fall into are as numerous as the ones you dig for others. It is amazing as I grow older to see all the various pits that people have fallen into after they've dug ones for someone else. It is a fact of life that what goes around comes around. That is the simple, one-sentence way to define this particular proverb. I just hope that we all remember that the next time we grab our shovels and start digging for someone else. It is better to live in a corner of the roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Proverbs 25:24
I find it interesting that a man who had hundreds of wives - felt the need to comment identically on the contentious and quarrelsome ones. This is almost an exact repeat of a previous proverb in chapter 21, verse 9. What Solomon has to say about this is pretty severe. To live on a corner of a roof would be very uncomfortable in Israel. The houses of that time had flat roofs - and Scripture required them to build a wall around the top so that people would not fall off of them. Often they would have a set of stairs on the side of the home that led to the top of the house. But to live there would be very uncomfortable. In the summer months the roof would be unbearably hot with the sun beating down upon the poor man's brow. In the winter, or the rainy season, it would be wet and cold there. Yet Solomon states that this would be better than to be in even a palace with a contentious woman. It might be good for us to see what a "contentious" woman looks like - or better acts like. The word used here is "madon" and its basic meaning is strife or dissension. It refers to a quarrel or dispute that is so filled with anger and bitterness that it cannot be stopped once it starts. That is why Proverbs 17:14 counsels us to abandon such a disupute before it breaks out. But the contetious woman knows no such self-restraint. Her pride and unwillingness to submit to God results in her not only entering into disputes - but even engineering and starting them. This same word is used in Proverbs 18:19 to speak of how strife creates strong barriers between people. The contentious woman doesn't care about this because her heart is already bitter and filled with resentment. Rather than avoid conflicts that result in relational barriers - she fights from hers and builds it higher. A few other verses that use this word indicate to us the following: 1) This kind of contention spreads to other people (Proverbs 6:14, 19), 2) it comes from someone who is hot-tempered and given to fits of anger (Proverbs 15:18), and 3) it is stirred by hatred which is lodged in this woman's heart - which is why she rejects loving, selfless responses and chooses her rage instead (PRoverbs 10:12). What an terrible picture is painted of this contentious woman who loves and embraces anger, bitterness, and loveless rage. Now you might understand why this guy wants to live on the edge of his roof. He chooses this rather than to be in a house with this lady. Life is miserable for him - and he would choose misery among the elements than even a few moments with this train-wreck of a woman. But, honestly for Solomon, such a situation wasn't exactly prevented by having so many wives and so many concubines. Living among that many women vying for the affection of one very selfish, sexually out of control man, could not have been a picnic. This is why the second reference to this circumstance should be used for wisdom in two ways for us. First - be careful not to marry a bitter woman who overflows with resentment and anger. Second - don't create one either by being a man who is unwise in how he approaches the marriage covenant. Be faithful to one woman in your lifetime. And love her in such a way that she will not ever have the problem of being a contentious wife. It is better to live in a desert land Than with a contentious and vexing woman. Proverbs 21:19
Here we have a proverb about making a wise choice of our mate - or more specifically the wise choice of the right kind of wife. We see two words used to describe the wrong kind of woman, as well as one phrase used to describe what we will want to do if we choose one like this. The first word used to describe a woman to avoid is the word contentious. This is the Hebrew word "madon" and it means one who is filled with strife and contention. This is a person always ready for a quarrel or dispute. These things come from a heart that is not right with God and a temper that is not under control. The man who marries such a woman will find that this contention, quarrelling, and strife will fill his home. There will always seem to be a problem - and that problem will lead to arguments and strong contentions. The home itself will not be a refuge - but a fight club. The second word used here is the word vexing. This is the Hebrew word "kaas" which means vexation. This is a word we seldom use any longer - but it means to provoke someone to anger. The wrong kind of wife is one who herself is angry - and who seems to have as a goal provoking everyone else to anger as well. She is ready for a fight, which we get from the previous word - and she delights in being angry. What a difficult life this would lead to for the man who marries such a woman. God then warns us what will happen if we marry such a woman. We will not enjoy living in our home. In fact we would choose to live in the wilderness than stay there. The stated New Testament purpose for a godly woman is to create a good home in which her husband and children can live. But when a woman is angry, bitter, and itching for a fight, such a home will not be possible. Her husband and family will prefer living in an inhospitible wilderness than that house - because the wilderness would seem far more hospitable than being with that woman in that house. What a warning to us to choose our mates wisely. It is also a warning to go beyond how a woman looks to how well kept her heart is. Beauty will pass - and the vanity of looks will one day give way to the attractiveness of one's heart. In that day a man will know that it was a wise thing that he sought first a woman who feared God than a woman who was a physical beauty alone. Beauty is skin deep - but the ugliness of a wicked heart will torture for a lifetime. He who assaults his father and drives his mother away Is a shameful and disgraceful son.
Proverbs 19:26 Here we have a proverb that is very strong in what it says. We have a son who is assaulting his dad - and driving his mother away from him. This is very strong language - so strong that many of us could not imagine a young man doing something like this. Yet this proverb is given as a warning to both the son who would act this way - and the parents who would rear such a child who chooses such things. This young man "assualts" his father. The Heberw word here is "sadad" and it means to destroy and ravage, to oppress and assualt, to spoil and lay waste or devastate. I find it interesting that the NASB chose the word assault because it speaks more of the physical idea expressed in this word -rather than how other translastions use the words, "do violence" or "wasteth." Regardless, there is a violent reaction in this son toward his father. He does not like him -and the biblical concept of honoring him is completely absent in his attitude and actions. Mattoon uses this definition in his commentary on this passage, "The word "wasteth" is from the Hebrew word shadad {shaw-dad'}. This word means "to deal violently with, devastate, ruin, destroy, spoil, assault, or utterly ruin." (Treasures from Proverbs, Vol. 1, Mattoon). Mattoon gives the idea that there is not just violence here - but a lifestyle that devastates and ruins a father. There are many sons whose lifestyles ruin their parents. Some do it through drugs, while others have run ins with the law that bankrupts their parents. Others live ungodly and immoral lives that ruin the family name. Whatever it is - the son who does this is a shameful and disgraceful young man. Not only does this young man act ungodly toward his father - he also "drives his mother away" too. He lives in a way that is so ungodly that it literally drives his mother away from him. He chases her away - making her want to run from her own child. This is such a shameful and disgraceful lifestyle because the statement is true that mothers will stick with you longer than anyone else. Your mother's love is pretty much the last thing you can lose in life. If you run her off - you've pretty much gone as low as you can go. There is also another way that this passage can be understood - and it has to do with the wicked doctrine of Dr. Freud and his disgusting psychological babble that has done much to destroy our families. Dr. Freud has gotten the reputation of blaming everything in our lives on our parents. Thus we have a couple of generations which he has spoiled with his ignorant philosophy of blaming everything on mom and dad. We even have Christian counsellors who instruct their clients that they should have a hatred for their parents who have messed them up in their lives. What is the fruit of such counselling? It is a generation more spoiled than any we can remember in the history of our nation. We have a generation of children who have no honor or respect for their parents. The fruit of that is that we are now rearing generation after generation in this self-destructive pattern. It leads only to more and more shamfeul and disgraceful sons and daughters. God intends for us to honor father and mother. It is not a suggestion, it is a command. The generation that ignores this command will not do well. The promise of God is that when we honor our parents it will go well with us and that we will live long in the land God gives us. I know this proverb looks like it speaks only to physical violence (which if you watch the news is far more prevelent than one would want) but there is a verbal violence toward parents today that needs to be abandoned. I am not saying that our parents were perfect - but most of us should wake up to how good we had it with loving ones. Maybe we can look at the dearth of this promise in the last several generations - (i.e. things are NOT going well - we are NOT living long in this land) and stop the madness of being so disrespectful and dismissive of our parents. Then maybe we can stop the next generation from being even more shameful and disgraceful as the one before us today. A constant dripping on a day of steady rain And a contentious woman are alike; He who would restrain her restrains the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand. Proverbs 27:15-16
Here is a proverb concerning contentious women and the problems that come from them. First we read that the contetious woman is compared to a constant dripping on a day of steady rain. Thus we see that such a thing is a constant annoyance. This is someone who will bother us greatly. That drip, drip, drip that we hear will wear on us over time and drive us crazy. Such is the contentious woman. But understanding the word "contentious" is very important for us to grasp what Solomon is saying. The "contentious" woman is the woman who is involved with strife and dissension. This is the Hebrew word, "madon" which refers to a quarrel or dispute that gets out of hand quickly. Once started, it cannot be stopped. These are the kind of disputes that create barriers between people. According to Psalm 80:6 an evil heart is the source of these contentions and bitter arguments. These things come from someone with a hot temper and are very difficult to contain. Thus we see that the "contentious woman" is not someone who disagrees with us, but rather someone who vehemently disagrees and who takes that disagreement to the level of fighting and quarreling. This fighting is not a normal disagreement, but becomes something that can separate people for long periods of time as bitterness and resentment seethe because of the fighting. Too often I have heard of this proverb used to disrespect a woman who respectfully disagrees with her husband. The contentious woman is anything BUT respectful - she is fiesty and cantankerous. She is itching for a fight - and when given the slightest reason to enter one - does so with both feet firmly set in the middle of it. It is not sinful for a woman to disagree with someone - even her husband or a person in authority. That is not what this proverb is about. It is about a woman who is ready to fight, and quarrel, and do so disgustingly. The next verse says that trying to restrain such a woman and her venom is like trying to restrain wind or grasp oil and hold it. It is impossible to do so, because such things cannot be done. Thus, when we come upon such a woman, we should avoid her and keep ourselves clear from her path. She is a dangerous woman - whose actions will prove very destructive in the end. Rather than trying to restrain and hold her back, we need to withdraw from her and avoid her at all costs. What we should remember as we read this is that God places great value on a woman who has a quiet and gentle spirit. This is what God desires - so when a woman goes the opposite direction, it is not only against what He wants, but it places an example before other women that is not only lacking, but it encourages them to behavior that is completely outside of what God desires in a Godly lady. May the Lord give us grace to see such godly women raised up in our fellowships - women whose testimony only makes the gospel of Jesus Christ more attractive and beautiful - like He has made them. He who loves transgression loves strife; He who raises his door seeks destruction.
Proverbs 17:19 There are those in this world who love rebellion - whether against God or against "the man." These people, because of this rebellious bent, also love strife. Theiy love a good fight where they can quarrel with others and contend with anyone who holds an opinion other than theirs. This kind of insolent, arrogant attitude brings such a one into multiple situations where they fight and where violence is almost certainly to break out eventually. I remember a friend of my youth - who just loved to fight, whether it was with words or fists. This happened weekend after weekend as he would drink and party. One weekend he went too far and was shot a couple of times at a bar where he had previously picked another fight. Fortunately for him he was not killed in the incident. But this is what the proverb is trying to get us to see. The second part of the proverb here is a Hebraism. It speaks of the one who "raises his door." The habit of the Jews was to make the front door of their compound very low to the ground so that no one could get in without permission. They also would intentionally not make their doors ornate - so as to draw attention to themselves - and unintentionally draw the attention of thieves or those who would seek to plunder their homes and compounds. Over time this practice eventually came to speak of someone who was ostentatious and filled with pride. Those to "raise their door" came to mean those who act with excessive pride and arrogance. We are warned that doing this is dangerous and destructive. When we live with such excessive pride and arrogance - even one that fights with everyone - and that loves sin - we are setting ourselves up for destruction. The wise man is a peace-maker, not a fighter. He is one who loves righteousness, peace, and humility. True, these things will not make him stick out - won't make him noticed by the standards of men. Yet, for the believer, this is not a good thing - to try to be noticed by men. We want God to be the One who promotes and gives us favor with others. The favor we crave and desire is not that of men (which often means we will have to love sinning as they do). We crave with an ever-increasing intensity the favor of God! And that kind of promotion does not draw the attention of men unduly - as does arrogant self-promotion does. A foolish son is destruction to his father, And the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping. House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD. Proverbs 19:13-14
Two different kinds of homes are shown to us in this proverb - the first in verse 13, and the second in verse 14. These two different homes will make the difference between a life that is a joy - and one that is most likely pure drudgery. The first home has a son - a foolish son who is a destruction to his father. The word used here for fool is different than we are used to seeing. It is the Hebrew word "kestyl" and refers to one of several types of fools who are spoken of in Scripture. He is a fool, according to Ecclesiastes 4:5, 13 who is unable to live life in a successful, practical way. He is a fool who according to Proverbs 1:22, 32 who scoffs at the things of God and as a result has a lifestyle that is very self-destructive. Other passages refer to this fool as someone who is rash in his decision making - who pursue foolishness - and who will not have honor but will experience shame due to their decisions and lifestyle. The father of this fool watches his own life destroyed due to this son. The word for destruction here refers to destruction that comes because of a rejection of God and a rejection of God's ways and truth. The father's life is destroyed because of the consequences of his son's life wreaking havoc on his heart and most likely his finances. To look at an example of this we have to go no further than the story of the prodigal son. This son was a fool - and demanded half the estate of his father - who chose to give it to him. Even though this son eventually returned - in the time of his discipline and foolishness he consumed not only half of his father's estate with his ungodly lifestyle - he also consumed numerous hours of his father's concern and heartbroken intercession. Remember that his father was watching for him - longing for him to return from his godless choices and lifestyle. This passage also reminds us that the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping to a man as well. The picture painted for us by Solomon is that of a wife who is unhappy - and who poures out her unhappiness upon her husband in contentious attitudes and words. Fascinating is the definition of "madon" the Hebrew word for contention here. It refers to quarrels and disputes that cannot be stopped once they are set in motion. They are arguments that create barriers between people - usually caused by a person with a bad temper. Imagine the poor man who has this to look forward to each day of his life. He does not have a help-meet - but someone who tears him down every day when he comes home. Like a dripping leak in the ceiling or a faucet that drives you crazy with the drip, drip, drip sound that never stops - so this man has to deal with an ungrateful, unloving wife who creates tension and dissention in the home rather than an atmosphere of love and peace. Contrasted to this kind of home, we see in verse 14 the true wealth that God can bring to our lives. Where a house and wealth can be given to us in the inheritance from our fathers - there is something far more valuable that we should long to receive. I've watched as people have receieved a large inheritance from their parents. If gratefully received it can be a huge blessing to the family for generations to come. But without the second blessing that is mentioned here - entire families can be destroyed for multiple generations. Whereas we can receive an inheritance from our fathers, a prudent wife is a gift from God Himself. The prudent wife is one who is discerning and filled with godly insight. She acts wisely, having understanding and wisdom from which to make her decisions and guide the things that she does each day. She is intelligent - but with far more than just book-learning. She is intelligent in the things of the Lord - which allows her to bless her husband and children not just with her teaching, but with the example of her life 24 hours every day. Her wise prudence allows her to see what is coming - how choices will effect the future - and what choices will make for God's greatest blessing on her and her family. Truly the gift of this kind of woman in a man's wife is a gift from God. Whereas money can be good or bad for us - a prudent wife will be blessing at all times. Her influence on a home and on children and grandchildren will bless a family for multiple generations. When the Scriptures tell us that her worth is beyond gold, silver, and precious stones - it is not kidding us. When you have a prudent wife - you are being blessing with a fortune that will last long after the money and things in your life are rusted and dust. A man needs to look at these two verses and grasp wisdom. Wisdom means choosing eternal things - such as the blessing of your family for generations to come by submitting your "love life" fully into the hands of God. It means choosing a wife under His direction and with His values fully guiding your thinking. It may mean waiting - or turning away from a relationship with a young lady who looks good on the outside - but whose lack of discernment and godly wisdom will make her a serious liablilty to you and your family in the future. The wise man surrenders himself to God in every area - including the choice of a future wife. Remember you can have a constant dripping and a destructive son - or a purdent wife whose worth cannot be measured in gold, silver, and precious stones. The choice is yours - choose wisely! Argue your case with your neighbor, And do not reveal the secret of another, Or he who hears it will reproach you, And the evil report about you will not pass away. Proverbs 25:9-10
Here is another of those Proverbs that seems to directly contradict what has been said in the previous verse. Here it has to do with arguing your case with your neighbor. But the thing that truly helps us to understand this proverb is that it deals with arguing your case with your neighbor "alone." The ESV and the KJV bring this out. When a person has a conflict with another person, the best way for it to be resolved is for the two of them to get together and to work it out between them. This is what the writer of Proverbs is saying here. This proverb has to do with gossip more than anything else. When there is a conflict, take the conflict to the person with whom you have the conflict - and no one else. That is what the writer is saying when he says not to reveal the secret of another. When there is a conflict, we don't need to reveal that we have had one with everyone else. That is usually what happens when there is a fight. We decide to talk with everyone else - telling them about everything that has happened and every way that this other person has hurt us - or has wronged us. That is revealing the secret of another. Here is a concept that I know is foreign to the church today. When we have a fight or disagreement with someone - that situation is to be treated as if it is a secret between us and the person with whom we've had the disagreement. It is to remain that way - until we've worked it out with that person. The reason we should do this is because God will give us grace - and give the person with whom we have the disagreement grace. But anyone we bring into the situation - will not have grace to deal with it. They will tend to take one side or the other - and soon factions will begin to develop. When the person with whom we have the disagreement begins to hear that we've told others - new problems will develop. The passage here says that when the person with whom we've had the argument hears that we're talking to others about it - they will reproach us for doing it. There is an additional offense when this happens. There are already problems with this person - but now they feel that they are being slandered with gossip. Now the next step in all this is that the argument begins to develop into a full-sized war. They begin to send out an evil report about you. They are so offended that you've begun to gossip, that they begin to gossip as well. Just as you decided to share the worst of your disagreement with others - they do the same. You feel greater offense but what they are doing is only what you've already done to them. The sad reality with this entire situation is that it will continue toward greater and greater bitterness until one or the other involved with be Christlike enough to humble themselves and begin working toward true healing. This involves actually talking about the problem to the person with whom you have the problem. What is so sad is that the vast majority of the time all that happens is that the two people eventually move to an uncomfortable silence between them. Their relationship becomes superficial - awaiting the next blow up that will come in the future. Argue your case with your neighbor alone. That is wisdom. It will bless you - and honestly - it will bless your church as well. This would be such a cause for maturity in the church. We would have to confront lovingly when we have a problem with a brother - but from what I've experienced - we would also have stronger relationships in the church or wherever we are having problems. May God bless us so that we begin to take this very wise advice and have stronger relationships in every aspect of life. |
 Proverb a DayEach day, we'll take a look at a verse from the chapter of Proverbs for the day. Our hope is to gain wisdom each day - and from that wisdom - to have understanding to make godly decisions in the throes of everyday life. 
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