When a House Becomes a Fight Club - Proverbs 21:19

It is better to live in a desert land Than with a contentious and vexing woman.   Proverbs 21:19
 
Here we have a proverb about making a wise choice of our mate - or more specifically the wise choice of the right kind of wife.  We see two words used to describe the wrong kind of woman, as well as one phrase used to describe what we will want to do if we choose one like this.  
 
The first word used to describe a woman to avoid is the word contentious.  This is the Hebrew word "madon" and it means one who is filled with strife and contention.  This is a person always ready for a quarrel or dispute.  These things come from a heart that is not right with God and a temper that is not under control.  The man who marries such a woman will find that this contention, quarrelling, and strife will fill his home.  There will always seem to be a problem - and that problem will lead to arguments and strong contentions.  The home itself will not be a refuge - but a fight club.  
 
The second word used here is the word vexing.  This is the Hebrew word "kaas" which means vexation.  This is a word we seldom use any longer - but it means to provoke someone to anger.  The wrong kind of wife is one who herself is angry - and who seems to have as a goal provoking everyone else to anger as well.  She is ready for a fight, which we get from the previous word - and she delights in being angry.  What a difficult life this would lead to for the man who marries such a woman.
 
God then warns us what will happen if we marry such a woman.  We will not enjoy living in our home.  In fact we would choose to live in the wilderness than stay there.  The stated New Testament purpose for a godly woman is to create a good home in which her husband and children can live.  But when a woman is angry, bitter, and itching for a fight, such a home will not be possible.  Her husband and family will prefer living in an inhospitible wilderness than that house - because the wilderness would seem far more hospitable than being with that woman in that house.
 
What a warning to us to choose our mates wisely.  It is also a warning to go beyond how a woman looks to how well kept her heart is.  Beauty will pass - and the vanity of looks will one day give way to the attractiveness of one's heart.  In that day a man will know that it was a wise thing that he sought first a woman who feared God than a woman who was a physical beauty alone.  Beauty is skin deep - but the ugliness of a wicked heart will torture for a lifetime.