Wounds and disgrace he will find, And his reproach will not be blotted out.
Proverbs 6:33 Adultery is always stupid. That is the premise we are following in these last verses of Proverbs chapter 6. Here we see that adultery is stupid because it will eventually yield punishment. This refers to a day when adultery was a punishable offense in a nation. In some nations it still is a punishable offense. Where it is, the rates of adultery and divorce are far lower than in nations where marriage is no longer protected by law. The wounds, disgrace, and reproach that are spoken of here are all due in part to the public punishment that came with adultery in biblical times. A simple review of the laws against adultery help us to see that this was considered a very serious sin. First we have God stating that this particular sin was part of the 10 commandments. "You shall not commit adultery," is found in Exodus 20 where God gives the commandments to Moses. Later in Leviticus 20 we see where God makes it clear that adultery was considered a capital offensein Israel (and in God's sight). "If there is a man who commits adultery with another man's wife, one who commits adultery with his friend's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death." If we were to trace the damage done to not just the marriage but to families and societies through adultery, we might not look at this as too strict. There used to be a time when adultery was seen as a very disgraceful thing. It was easy to see that what God said here is true. The reproach from being and adultery would not be able to be blotted out. There is a stigma to those who break their marriage vows by having sex with someone who is not their wife. This stigma is natural - and it is only as we have turned from God and from His truth that we have decided to try our best to erase that stigma from our society. Jeremiah's prophecy is filled with rebuke for the adultery that was rampant in the land. In Jeremiah 23:14 we read this prophetic word to God's people, "Also among the prophets of Jerusalem I have seen a horrible thing: The committing of adultery and walking in falsehood; And they strengthen the hands of evildoers, So that no one has turned back from his wickedness. All of them have become to Me like Sodom, And her inhabitants like Gomorrah." This sin, when it was ignored by God's people and by their prophets, would "strengthen the hands of evildoers." When adultery is tolerated by a society and treated as no big deal, we read that no one turns back from their wickedness. We find a soceity where the most basic bonds of relationship break down - and thus any kind of trustworthiness also breaks down with it. In recent years we've heard a chorus of those who tell us that it does not matter if one of our elected officials has committed adultery and divorced their partner. We view it as part of the normal landscape that this happens, and in so doing, destroy the foundation upon which the home - and thereby society in general is built. The complete lack of character in our elected officials is a testimony to the truth of the Scriptures when it comes to adultery and being faithful to your vows in your marriage. We've watched as again and again that if these men and women won't be faithful to the closest bond and promise that they have made, why would we think that would be faithful to a vow to adhere to and defend the principles in the Constitution? Some may say that this is too harsh. Jesus Himself forgave the woman who was caught in the very act of adultery. To this I would say a hearty, "Amen!" He did forgive her - and He forgives those who commit adultery today. But our problem is that we've degenerated to a point where we question if adultery should even be classified as sin. We've come to the point where we want to give the forgiveness without also stating the other thing Jesus said that day, "Go and sin no more." We watch as elected officials lie to our faces on televison that they did not have sex with that woman - and then expect the forgiveness and absolution without any repentance and confession. What we should realize is that whether we embrace it or not - adultery is going to cause very serious problems for an individual - and for a society that seeks to sweep it under the proverbial moral rug. Adultery is always stupid. It always has consequences. It always will involve disgrace and reproach - at least in the eyes of God (and that is what counts in the end). The wise man sets a very clear boundary in his life when it comes to adultery. He not only sets a boundary, but he also sets a reminder that crossing this boundary will result in bad consequences. And since our society no longer sees fit to protect marriage in this way - we will have to do even more on the personal level to have reminders, boundaries, and warnings in our hearts to protect us from it.
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The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; He who would destroy himself does it. Proverbs 6:32
This passage deals with the stupidity of committing adultery, plain and simple. Several years ago Randy Alcorn wrote a book called, "The Purity Principle." In it I felt that Alcorn made a statement that is one for the ages. "Purity is always smart, impurity is always stupid." That is what the Holy Spirit is trying to tell us today in Proverbs. "The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense." This is a very genteel way of saying what Alcorn said. We could restate his principle by saying that faithfulness in marriage is always good, adultery is always stupid. The actual words used here are the ones that are used often in Proverbs. The one who commits adultery with a woman lacks heart. We are being told that adultery shows that we have a heart problem more than anything else. We've allowed our hearts to be captured by lust and sexual immorality rather than by God. While reading a series of purity prayers I've run into the statement again and again where the puritans asked God to capture their heart so that they would not be satisfied by trifling affections. The heart can be captured in this way - and given to things that are so far less than what God wants to give us. The truth is what He wants to give us in Himself. We settle for so much less and so less fulfilling things than Him. And that is what the fool has done - he has settled for adultery rather than finding in God and in His provision of his wife true fulfillment. We are also warned in this passage that, ". . . he who would destroy himself does it." The literal Hebrew says that the destruction is in this man's soul. He finds his mind strangely drawn and lied to by the enticements of the adulterous woman. He finds his emotions stimulated by a false love and false promises of intimacy and pleasure. As he foolishly begins to embrace these thoughts and these concepts he also begins to lose the war within his will to continue in God's ways and in God's path. Soon he gives in to the onslaught that is coming toward his soul. He no longer lives out of his spirit - where the Spirit of God would give him strength to resist and overcome temptation - but instead allows himself to be taken over by his body and its lusts. As he does this He submits himself to the adultery - and in so doing he "destroys" himself in the process and the sinful choice. Destroy here is the Hebrew word, "sahat" and it means to spoil, ruin, destroy, pervert, or corrupt. When you look at these ways of translating this word they all fit this passage - and all take place as this man acts foolishly by committing adultery. For the next several days we will look at the terrible consequences and the wise warnings that God gives us in this area. Remember that this entire conversation is one that takes place between a man and his sons. How wise we would be to have this kind of conversation with our sons as they get older and begin to face the temptations of this present world. How wise we would be to also have these kinds of conversations with our adult sons who are married, as well as with our brothers in Christ with whom we share fellowship in God's church. Since these things are written about so many times in Proverbs - it is a reminder that the wise also warn one another with the very warnings given to us by God. A foolish son is destruction to his father, And the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping. House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD. Proverbs 19:13-14
Two different kinds of homes are shown to us in this proverb - the first in verse 13, and the second in verse 14. These two different homes will make the difference between a life that is a joy - and one that is most likely pure drudgery. The first home has a son - a foolish son who is a destruction to his father. The word used here for fool is different than we are used to seeing. It is the Hebrew word "kestyl" and refers to one of several types of fools who are spoken of in Scripture. He is a fool, according to Ecclesiastes 4:5, 13 who is unable to live life in a successful, practical way. He is a fool who according to Proverbs 1:22, 32 who scoffs at the things of God and as a result has a lifestyle that is very self-destructive. Other passages refer to this fool as someone who is rash in his decision making - who pursue foolishness - and who will not have honor but will experience shame due to their decisions and lifestyle. The father of this fool watches his own life destroyed due to this son. The word for destruction here refers to destruction that comes because of a rejection of God and a rejection of God's ways and truth. The father's life is destroyed because of the consequences of his son's life wreaking havoc on his heart and most likely his finances. To look at an example of this we have to go no further than the story of the prodigal son. This son was a fool - and demanded half the estate of his father - who chose to give it to him. Even though this son eventually returned - in the time of his discipline and foolishness he consumed not only half of his father's estate with his ungodly lifestyle - he also consumed numerous hours of his father's concern and heartbroken intercession. Remember that his father was watching for him - longing for him to return from his godless choices and lifestyle. This passage also reminds us that the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping to a man as well. The picture painted for us by Solomon is that of a wife who is unhappy - and who poures out her unhappiness upon her husband in contentious attitudes and words. Fascinating is the definition of "madon" the Hebrew word for contention here. It refers to quarrels and disputes that cannot be stopped once they are set in motion. They are arguments that create barriers between people - usually caused by a person with a bad temper. Imagine the poor man who has this to look forward to each day of his life. He does not have a help-meet - but someone who tears him down every day when he comes home. Like a dripping leak in the ceiling or a faucet that drives you crazy with the drip, drip, drip sound that never stops - so this man has to deal with an ungrateful, unloving wife who creates tension and dissention in the home rather than an atmosphere of love and peace. Contrasted to this kind of home, we see in verse 14 the true wealth that God can bring to our lives. Where a house and wealth can be given to us in the inheritance from our fathers - there is something far more valuable that we should long to receive. I've watched as people have receieved a large inheritance from their parents. If gratefully received it can be a huge blessing to the family for generations to come. But without the second blessing that is mentioned here - entire families can be destroyed for multiple generations. Whereas we can receive an inheritance from our fathers, a prudent wife is a gift from God Himself. The prudent wife is one who is discerning and filled with godly insight. She acts wisely, having understanding and wisdom from which to make her decisions and guide the things that she does each day. She is intelligent - but with far more than just book-learning. She is intelligent in the things of the Lord - which allows her to bless her husband and children not just with her teaching, but with the example of her life 24 hours every day. Her wise prudence allows her to see what is coming - how choices will effect the future - and what choices will make for God's greatest blessing on her and her family. Truly the gift of this kind of woman in a man's wife is a gift from God. Whereas money can be good or bad for us - a prudent wife will be blessing at all times. Her influence on a home and on children and grandchildren will bless a family for multiple generations. When the Scriptures tell us that her worth is beyond gold, silver, and precious stones - it is not kidding us. When you have a prudent wife - you are being blessing with a fortune that will last long after the money and things in your life are rusted and dust. A man needs to look at these two verses and grasp wisdom. Wisdom means choosing eternal things - such as the blessing of your family for generations to come by submitting your "love life" fully into the hands of God. It means choosing a wife under His direction and with His values fully guiding your thinking. It may mean waiting - or turning away from a relationship with a young lady who looks good on the outside - but whose lack of discernment and godly wisdom will make her a serious liablilty to you and your family in the future. The wise man surrenders himself to God in every area - including the choice of a future wife. Remember you can have a constant dripping and a destructive son - or a purdent wife whose worth cannot be measured in gold, silver, and precious stones. The choice is yours - choose wisely! That leaves the companion of her youth And forgets the covenant of her God; Proverbs 2:17
Many folk may not realize this, but it is a very healthy thing for your marriage to spend time in the Word each day reading it and listening to God through it. It is this very Word that counsels us in a way that will deliver us from a woman or man who would forget their marriage covenant - and leave their spouse. Today's proverb of the day takes us back to a promise that was made in verse 11. As we get into the Word of God and learn wisdom from it, we will find that the discretion it gives us will guard and watch over us. After telling us how it will guard us from the way or evil and the man who would speak perverse things to us (by perverse it is speaking of one who would pervert God's ways and replace them with his own, the worlds, or the devil's ways) it then turns to the adulteress and the strange woman. We are told that the adulteress leaves the companion of her youth. The idea here is not that she leaves a boyfriend - but that she is leaving her husband. If that is not clear in the first part of the verse, it becomes very clear when we are told that she "forgets the covenant of her God." Some might argue that this refers to God's Law - more than any kind of marriage covenant. I would agree whole-heartedly on this point of Scripture, but I would also add that God's covenant is what teaches us to honor marriage and remain committed to our spouse. As a pastor I find it kind of funny that some people think that the traditional marriage ceremony is out of Scripture. It is often treated as if it is just as authoritative as Scripture. With no desire to lay waste to the ceremony itself, I have to state that the ceremony is not in the Bible. Having said that, I do believe that the principles behind it are absolutely supported by the Word of God - but the word for word ceremony is not. The only thing we have close to a ceremony for marriage is the words God inspired in Adam and God's commentary on it afterward in Genesis 2:23-25 when He brought Adam and Eve together. Some, seizing upon this, assert that there is no need for marriage or any kind of marriage ceremony. Whether or not this is true (the ceremony part), there is one thing that I can absolutely assure you of that is Scriptural. Mmarriage between a man and woman - is called a covenant twice in the Scriptures. Here in Proverbs chatper 2 we see that the adulteress leaves her husband and disregards the covenant made with her God. Again in Malachi 2:14 we see that marriage is considered a covenant with God. Therefore, whether you have a ceremony like the traditional one or not - you are not married until you enter into a covenant with God - and God takes covenants very seriously. That is why we are warned to be delivered from such a woman. It is wisdom to know to stay away from an adulteress woman who forgets a covenant with God to love her husband exclusively (and just so there is no doubt - we should stay away from an adulterer or whoremonger too for the same reasons.) Wisdom honors covenants and appreciates those who remain true to their word - whether given in a covenant or not. Jesus makes that clear when He tells us to let our yes be yes and our no be no. One who disregards their word when their sensual desires rise up within them is not a wise companion. When this is the case with someone of the opposite sex - it turns out to be more than just unwise - it is deadly! The Word of God will counsel and admonish us to walk in a way that will honor our word - and especially honor God's Word. That is why it is so important for your marriage that you get into the Word every day and make sure that the Word gets into you. Overcoming Sexual Temptation, part 8 - Final Words and Pictures to Remember - Proverbs 7:26-2712/14/2010 For many are the victims she has cast down, And numerous are all her slain. Her house is the way to Sheol, Descending to the chambers of death. Proverbs 7:26-27
Today we come to the end of our look at overcoming sexual temptation in chapter 7 of Proverbs. It ends with the father warning his sons one last time of the extreme dangers of the strange woman - the prostitute - the adulteress. Just a note to dads out there. This is the third time a warning has been issued to his sons by this father in as short as 18-20 verses. First he refers to her victims as the mortally wounded. Many, he says, are the mortally wounded that she has cast down. The word victim here refers to those who have been mortally wounded in battle. The world would have us view casual sex as something pleasurable alone - the Word tells us that it is something far more deadly. It is part of the war to destroy men and women's souls. When they depart from the Scriptures - they find themselves wounded badly - mortally by it. It probably should be noted here that this primarily refers to a man committing adultery with this woman. Although any sexual sin is deadly, the sin of adultery is more damaging in the end. Most often it ends a marriage - and blows a family apart. Those who have been through a divorce and a divided family know very well the damage such actions cause in the home. But this is only one way that sexual immorality is dangerous. There is also the specter of sexually transmitted diseases. Consider the multiple stories of men who entered into adulterous affairs - only to find out later that they had not only contracted AIDS themselves, but they had passed their disease on to their innocent wives as well. In this case death is brought to an entire household. There are currently over 30 different sexually transmitted diseases that cannot be cured. Do we really want to swim in the cesspool of the world of ungodly, immoral women and men with the state of our collective societal health in such disarray? But there are worse things than just the diseases that come from sexual immorality. There are the victims in the families - wives, children, and parents with broken hearts. Testimonies that have been destroyed lie fallen and trampled by the effects of actions taken in the moment of unthinking, foolish passion. The adulterous woman has seen numerous ones "cast down" in this way - and numerous slain because of the problems that have arisen in the end from the disease, the anger - even double murders due to one partner being so distraught that they first kill their spouse - and in remorse for their death - take their own lives. All of them lie slain due to the horrific effects of sexual sin. last thing this man says about sexual sin and the place the adulterous woman takes men - is that there is an address where she lives. We are not talking about the physical address - wherever that is on the earth. We are speaking of the ultimate address - Death. Her house is the way to Sheol - the place of the dead. It is a house that is a descent into chambers of death itself. The word "chamber" here means a parlor or a room. It is not a special word - but when it is further described by the father - it takes on a very ominous sense. The chambers of death. I am not usually a fan of some of the modern paraphrases of the Bible - but here both the "Message" and the "Living Bible" are paraphrased in such a way that they almost make goosebumps rise on my arms. Let me quote what they say about this last verse so you can read them and see a picture in your heads. The Message says in verse 27, "She runs a halfway house to hell, fits you out with a shroud and a coffin." That is pretty expressive isn't it. She promises pleasure and sexual fulfillment - but actually she is just a pit stop on the way to hell. You think she is undressing you for a night of passion like no other, but actually she is just getting ready to outfit you with a death shroud and a coffin. The Living Bible states verse 27 this way, "If you want to find the road to hell, look for her house." Can you imagine a road sign that does say "Main Street," or "Fifth Avenue," but rather - "Road to Hell." Would you ever even want to be near that street - that pathway? That is what the wise father tries to do for his son. He seeks to paint such gruesome pictures - he may even tell true stories of the horrors of sexually transmitted diseases - of homes crushed and destroyed - of lives that crumbled - all for the purpose of warning his sons. These are not just ways of graphically describing something - they are promises from God - warning signs for us along the road to sexual immorality and adultery. Ignoring them is just as stupid as ignoring a bridge out sign. May God give us first the wisdom to heed His word for our own lives - and then may He also fill us with the wisdom and the Spirit to warn our sons in a way that engraves the truth about such things deep in their minds - reaching even to the innermost parts of their hearts and spirits. Now therefore, my sons, listen to me, And pay attention to the words of my mouth. Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, Do not stray into her paths. Proverbs 7:24-25
After giving a graphic description of the way a man falls into the trap of the harlot, the Holy Spirit gives a conclusion. God begins by having the father call for his sons to listen and pay attention. Here is a huge problem - and one I understand. Most people know the thing they should do about temptations to commit adultery or to visit a prostitute. The problem is not knowing - it is listening when someone is warning them. Very few of the sins of which I've been guilty were committed because I did not know the morally proper thing to do. They were committed because I was not listening to the warnings of the Holy Spirit as I was being tempted. They were committed because I ignored godly counsel that had been given to me. The wise father reiterates the truth to his sons again and again. He doesn't just talk to them or lecture them - he calls them to listen as he speaks. The word "listen" here does not mean just having the biological functions of the ear working properly. The word means to listen so as to comprehend, to discern, to give earnest heed, to be diligent in obeying what is said. The wise, godly father knows about distractions. That is why he calls his son to listen diligently with a view to discerning obedience that flows from fully comprehending what he has said to his son. The second phrase he uses here as he speaks is this, "pay attention." This phase means to listen and pay attention so as to give heed and to obey what is said. Dads, be careful to gain not just your son's ears - but to aim directly for their heart. The first thing that is said to the son is that he does not need to turn aside to her ways in his heart. There is the first problem when it comes to men who get caught up in sexual immorality and adultery. Their hearts are the first thing to go. This manifests itself first in seeing their hearts no longer being given to the Lord. In the third chapter of Revelation Jesus says to the church that they've lost their first love - that love that draws them to the Lord and has them belong to Him more than anything else. I've seen this before in young people - old people - anyone who finds themselves drawn away to sexual sin. They start when they no longer have that passion for Christ. They turn to someone other than the Lord - looking for satisfaction - for something to fill their emptiness. They find that the Lord is not enough - and that they will actually find what they need in someone else. That is how a man allows himself to "turn his heart" to her ways. When his heart is gone - there is a real serious danger - because at that point he probably won't listen. It isn't too much to say - he can't listen - because his heart controls what his ears will listen to in life. Once he has strayed in his heart from the Lord - and into her ways - then he begins to stray into her paths. He begins walking without the normal cautions that he would have naturally. But worse than this is the fact that he is walking without the guidance of the Holy Spirit. He is grieving the Holy Spirit so his warnings are no longer being heeded. This is a very dangerous place to be. When he does stray into her paths - there will not be the protection that he normally has. Thus - it will be that much easier to fall into sin. Wise fathers want to speak to their sons about these things. They want to not just fill their ears with lecture after lecture. The godly father wants to gain access to his son's heart. He wants to lay the protections and the guard rails there. That way his sons know that the battle is for their minds first - and for the hearts most. I am not opposed at all to doing exactly what this father does - and that is tell a cautionary tale to his son - filled with truth - and with the consequences of not guarding their hearts against the wiles of the strange, adulterous, sexually forward woman. Share even frightening details of what the possibilities are when they sin sexually. You are not using fear when you do - but you are using wisdom and truth. These are the allies that are needed to win the war against sexual temptation. Suddenly he follows her As an ox goes to the slaughter, Or as one in fetters to the discipline of a fool, Until an arrow pierces through his liver; As a bird hastens to the snare, So he does not know that it will cost him his life. Proverbs 7:22-23
For the past several days we've been looking at how to overcome sexual temptation through the example of a fool who did not. Today we come to the sad choice that this man makes to enter into adultery - and the terrifying way that it is described. Just a point of reference first though to remind us of the context of this passage. This is a father warning his son of these things - and doing so through a story of a man who did not walk in wisdom when it came to his sexuality. Dads . . . I know I am talking to you a lot in these posts - but it is only because your role as a father is absolutely critical. Please talk to your sons - and do so in an honest and straight forward way as this father does. Don't succomb to passivity in this role - because I can promise you that the world is not being passive in the way it is trying to deceive your sons in to the opposite choices for sexual immorality. Suddenly seems such a strange word here - because we've watched this man act foolishly for quite a while now. But suddenly does describe the way men enter into the act of adultery. There is something intrinsic that resists adultery and sexual immorality in us. God has drawn a line in our spirits and souls - and it is one that we have to consciously cross to sin in this way. There is resistance all along the way - but when we push against those inner barriers - they give all at once. The choice to do this is a kind of all at once moment in our lives. We push and ignore the barrier - until it breaks . . . all at once. Then we follow our lusts into far more dangerous territory. Note here that he follows her. Men, that is not the way that this is supposed to work. God calls us to lead women, not follow them. But far too often men are passive and allow women to lead them. Here, we watch a man ignore his vows, ignore the warnings of the Holy Spirit, ignore the intrinsic barriers to this sin - and follow a woman - into a sexual tryst. Unfortunately too many men have done just this - follow a strange woman sexually into sin. They are not leading in any way spiritually - they just follow where sin points them. But what is truly terrifying here is the picture that is painted for us of just where she is leading him. All along this passage seems to be building to a sex scene of monumental proportions. The flesh salaciously is waiting for the sordid description of the act itself - yet none will be given here. Instead we read that what this fool is doing is compared to an ox going to the slaughter. It is like waking up from a great dream suddenly gone bad. This is not a pleasure palace - but a poisoned pit! The is not ecstasy - it is the end! The ox is going to have his throat slit - be grabbed by the feet or impaled by a hook - and is going to hang thrashing until his death by bleeding out. What a picture of what a few minutes of forbidden pleasure has in store for us. There are more pictures for us to have forever etched into our hearts about sexual sin. The second is that he is going to the discipline of a fool in fetters. The world lies to us telling us that when we give ourselves over to our fleshly desires we will be free - free from the fetters of a God who does not want us to experience pleasure. The truth is that the freedom is in marriage - with our wives. The bondage is in sexual immorality. The fool is first fettered - bound hand and foot - and then led to the place where he will be disciplined. That usually involved both a financial cost - and most likely 39 lashes upon his back with a whip or with rods. Sooo - how does sexual immorality look now? The next picture is of a man whose liver is pierced with an arrow. The Hebrew commentaries on Scripture infer that this is a deer that is being pierced by an arrow. The pain of that injury is severe - and fatal - but please note something important to see with this wound. The liver is the organ in our body that promotes purity in our blood. It literally cleanses our blood each time it passes through the liver. But when this man enters into the adulterous relationship, he is being pierced throught the one organ that cleanses our life itself. Remember Scripture says that the life of anything is in the blood. Here the life of this man is being polluted by his sin. But this sin does more than just pollute - it pollutes while also doing great damage to our ability to be purified. Paul makes an amazing statement in 1 Corinthians 6:18 when he says, "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body." Immorality is a sin against our bodies themselves. When we join ourselves to a prostitute or an immoral woman - we are damaging our very bodies. That is true physically through things like sexually transmitted diseases. But it is also true spiritually. I work with men - seeking to disciple them so that they will follow Jesus Christ. THE area I hear most trips men up is THIS AREA. That is why Paul's counsel in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 is this, "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body." God wants us to glorify Him with our bodies - and that means fleeing sexual immorality. When we do not - we are piercing not just our spiritual condition - but we are seriously weaking our ability to be cleansed and fight sin period. Next is the picture of a bird actually running toward a snare. What a strange picture. A bird running to get caught and killed. But that is what a man entering into sexual sin is doing. He does not see the snare - nor does he recognize the camouflage. All he sees is the bait - and he doesn't even recognize it as bait. His lusts and desires are driving him and all he sees is momentary fulfillment. The last statement made to us is a warning. The fool here does not know that this will cost him his life. Once a man commits physical adultery - there is radical change coming for him in his life. Don't lose all hope if you've sinned in this way, because adultery is not the unforgiveable sin. But, it is a sin that costs dearly. Ask David. He will tell you that it pretty much cost him the life he once knew. Everything was different after that. We need to see this as well. Once we enter into adultery - and even when we enter into sexual sin - everything is different. There will be a battle after that - and it will be a difficult one. That is why the father is going to such lengths to warn his son in this passage. He is trying to do everything in his power to help his son see that such a path is not just dangerous - it is fatal! May God give us fathers wisdom to look at our own lives, our own struggles, possibly even our own failures - and warn our sons diligently to beware of sexual sin. May we use the wisdom God offers to us here - and teach them the dangers of such activity - and hopefully rear a generation of young men who will be less likely to step into sin when facing sexual temptation. With her many persuasions she entices him; With her flattering lips she seduces him. Proverbs 7:21
This is a summary statement of all that we've been looking at the past several days about overcoming sexual temptation - only in the reverse - learning from someone who did not overcome it - but succumbed to it instead. Two things led to this fool's demise. First is that he allowed the adulteress to have the opportunity to have "many persuasions" in her time with him. This points to a simple, yet oft ignored, truth about the appropriateness of man/woman relationships outside of marriage. Too often as American's we scoff at other cultures who limit the amount of contact a man has with a woman. We tend to scoff at their emphasis on modesty in clothing too - for which we are double fools in this society. The fact is that there is an appropriate way for men and women to interact - and an inappropriate way. Let me explain. Most affairs begin far from the bedroom. They start with the beginning of an inappropriate relationship between a man and a woman. These relationships almost always begin with one of the other starting to share the problems. With rapt attention the other listens - because usually they share a problem of intimacy with their mate. By intimacy I am not referring to their sexual relationship - but to the fact that they rarely talk any longer. This is due to the busy-ness of life or problems and barriers that have developed over the long-term of their marriage. Since neither of them are really working on this aspect of their marriages - they find someone willing to talk a wondeful thing. They do not intend on committing adultery during that first discussion - but nevertheless - they do enter into a man/woman relating to each other that is inappropriate. This builds as they share more and more - and reveal deeper and deeper levels of intimacy. At one point - sexual tension enters into their relationship. If they do not do a Barney Fife action (i.e. "Nip it in the bud!") they are now on a fast track to adultery. This is because it is not wise for a man to have a "best friend" that is a woman once he is married. In some ways this probably doesn't apply to long-term best friends of the past - although a wise man will shift this kind of friendship toward his wife. But to make a "new" best friend of a woman is never a wise thing to do. There is another scenario here as well - and that is the fool who is already in trouble - who is kinda seeking another woman. This fool already has one foot in the grave - but he is quickly putting the other one in the longer he talks to the woman who is persuading him to have adultery. The wisest thing a man can do when a woman other than his wife makes any kind of remote advance is to run. The Scriptures tell us to "flee youthful lusts and pursue faith, righteousness, love, and peace with those who call upon the Lord with a pure heart." (2 Timothy 2:22). The next wisest thing he can do is to tell either an accountability partner of the advance - or honestly - tell his wife. The second is the wisest choice. It truly nips this thing in the bud - and it lets his wife know that she needs to watch this woman. Don't be a fool and ever allow a woman to give any more than one persuasion to entice you away from God and from your marriage vows. The second thing we see in this passage is that this woman catches this man with her "flattering lips." As I've written in another post - men have this thing called an ego. When we are wise to allow only our wives to stroke our ego - or allow recognition from colleagues at work to do this - or our children - we are being discerning. When we do this for even a moment with another woman other than our wives - we are allowing pride and utter stupidity to drive our ego. Believe me when I say that we do not want these things working in our ego for even a moment unchecked. This adulteress takes the time to say nice things about the fool. She strokes his ego with her flattery - which to be honest is something that might be lacking at home. That is why men give in to this trap. Let me help you for a moment. If this woman marries you after your current marriage is destroyed - and then lives with you as long as your wife has - you've got to know that she probably won't be flattering your ego much either! That is why we MUST grasp that these "flatteries" are nothing more than lies. When you hear them think of the cheese on a mouse trap. Looks awfully inviting - except for that snapping bar that will break your neck as soon as you take a bite. Flattery from a strange woman might not break your neck instantly - but know that the bar is coming at some point - and your spiritual and marital neck will be broken - possibly beyond remedy. Men . . . I know that your ego will tell you that it's kinda nice to know that someone still thinks your handsome - wonderful - even sexy. But that little spark you felt in your heart when that happened is prelude to a forrest fire that will destroy beyond imagination. It is a lie - and it is going to be very destructive if you don't see it for what it is. It is cheese, brothers! It is cheese on a trap set to catch and kill you! Don't ever think for even a moment that it is anything less - because when you do - you are one step closer to that bar breaking your neck. To deliver you from the strange woman, From the adulteress who flatters with her words; Proverbs 2:16
Here we have a four verse warning against the adulterous woman. It is in the midst of a passage telling us the benefits of knowing God's Word and Wisdom. His wisdom will deliver us from this kind of sexual sin. The word deliver here means to overcome the power of another that is trying to overcome us. There is a very clear power that is manifest when sexual sin is trying to deceive us. Some call it sexual tension - but I believe that it is more clearly distinguished as sexual temptation - and it is energized by the power of the wicked one. Unless the sexual encounter is between husband and wife, we can be assured that the "tension" of which we speak is an evil tension. What we need is a greater power at work in us that can overcome the temptations and the enticements to sin. God says that wisdom and the Word will deliver us from the "strange" woman. What a great way to state what we are dealing with here. This is indeed a strange woman. She is a stranger to God's ways and to God's Word. She is an adulteress - and as such she is truly strange. How we need to train ourselves with a God-centered, Biblically-based worldview on such matters. We should look at such woman and see them as strange to us. They are strange because they choose to disobey God. They are strange because they dishonor their marriage vows. They are strange because they forget the covenant they made with God. They are strange because they promise pleasure and ecstacy, but actually only deliver death and shame. How strange it is for a woman to act in this way. Our society, in contrast, glorifies this woman. They may not come out and say that she is an adulteress, but they don't say or do anything to discourage her from flaunting her sexuality in a way that is odious to God. A woman's beauty is to be for God's glory and her husband's enjoyment. Other than that - she is not to parade her beauty around in unacceptable, immodest ways. When she does so - she is basically acting like a harlot/prostitute - and is causing numerous men to stumble into visual and heart-level adultery. We should view such women - as strange indeed. This woman lures men into adultery with her flattering words. The word for flatter here is very interesting. It speaks of words that are smooth. Flattering words are smooth and easy to the ear. When we hear them we tend to agree with them because, after all, it is nice when someone finally notices how awesome and hot we are! Such words seldom are spoken to us for our benefit. That is the danger of flattery. The words that are spoken seem like they are for our benefit, but actually they are for the benefit of the one who is offering them to us. The flattery is given to fill our ears with their words, yet their aim is to gain access to our heart. Once their flattery is effective in disabling our ability to discern and act prudently, they begin to carry out their hidden plan in our lives. Here, the adulteress is using flattery to get us to commit adultery with her. She does NOT have our best interests in mind. That is why we need to reject utterly her flattering words and depart from her presence as quickly as possible. To do otherwise is to risk grave danger to ourselves and to our marriages. A wise man will learn to hear flattery and reject it. He will also know that excessive compliments from a woman other than his wife is a set up. He needs to know that he is being hunted - and that is not something to feel flattered about. Ask any animal that has been lured into the open by deceptive measures - and then has narrowly escaped with his life when the trap is sprung. The flattery is seen afterward as extremely dangerous. Therefore a wise man learns to see the trap - clings to the Lord and to the wife of his youth. As I close today, let me encourage married couples for just a moment. It is too easy once you have lived with someone long enough to get out of the habit of complimenting and in a good way, flattering them. Your spouse wants to be complimented - and talked to in a way that makes them blush a little. Know this . . . YOU are the only one who should be doing this with your spouse. But if you do not - know that they will be more vulnerable to the flattery of others. Take the time to speak something very sweet to your wives guys - ladies, do the same to your husbands. There may be someone out their who is getting ready to set a trap for them. Make it completely ineffective by lovingly flattering your sweetheart - and do it on a regular basis. It is a wise thing to do. It is better to live in a corner of a roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Proverbs 21:9
There are days when I would rather not have this blog due to the nature of the subject matter present. Today is one of those days. This is only because I would rather spend a thousand days dealing with men and their biblical responsibilities and their sin, than spend one having to point out sin to ladies. Too often in our perverted world women are bashed on these matters with caracitures that are unflattering at best, and just plain mean at other times. So ladies, today I will try to hug as closely to the text as possible - only using biblical examples as I seek to explain this passage. This proverb begins with a funny picture. We have a man sitting on the corner of his roof. He has decided that this is the better place for him to live. That seems very strange to us. Considering the exposure to the elements - and the sheer uncomfortable nature of living on just the corner of your roof - we are bewildered at this man's choice. What could be so bad that he would make such a choice? According to this proverb, it is the prospect of sharing his house with a contentious woman. What is a "contentious" woman? The Hebrew word used here is "madon" and it refers to someone who is filled with strife and dissension. It speaks in Proverbs 17:14 of a quarrel or dispute that cannot be stopped once it starts - or in Proverbs 18:19 of arguments and contentiousness that create barriers between people. It is usually associated with an evil heart and with a bad temper. Other sins associated with this sin of contention are lying, perversity, and hatred. These are pretty bad sins - especially when you consider that this is someone with whom you live on a regular basis in life. The relationship one has with their wife should be the closest in life - but when a wife is acting this way - it makes life miserable. This lady is miserable herself - and honestly - is making everyone else around her equally miserable. Rather than be a woman with a quiet and gentle spirit (as is counselled by Scripture) she is filled with anger, resentment, hatred, and because of these things - a contentious spirit that is ready at a moment's notice to enter into strife and voice her continual dissent. No wonder this guy is sitting on the corner of his rooftop - it is the only place he may be able to get a little peace and quiet. Ladies, if you would indulge me for just a brief few moments, God desires you to be your husband's helper. This is the same term that is used to describe the Holy Spirit. You are called to come alongside your husband and cheer him on - calling him to be the man God wants him to be - and cheering loudly for him whenever he shows the slightest inkling toward that call. Let me let you ladies in on a secret. (All men need to stop reading at this point - and if you do - please do not bring up a vote to have my man-card revoked). Ladies, your words are so very impotant to your husband. You may think he doesn't listen - but he hears every word you say. Whether he chooses to admit it or not - your words are more important to him than any other that are spoken during his day. When you cut him down and constantly criticize him - it does more damage than a thousand comments made by anyone else. The reason this guy is living on the corner of his rooftop - is because he is hurting so bad that any indignity or discomfort would be better for him. He hurts because rather than being encouraged by his wife - he is torn down. That is something that honestly cannot be fixed by anything other than you changing how you speak to him. Yes, I understand that often men are lazy and not exactly taking up the mantle to be God's man. Yes, I understand that you get frustrated waiting for him to be that man. Yes, I also understand that it is not fair for him to dump the spiritual leadership of your home on you. BUT . . . being contentious will not help matters at all. Men will react to this by retreating further from their God-given task. If you would praise him and encourage him when you see the slightest advance, you might be surprised at what begins to happen. Who knows, you might even see him pack up his stuff from the corner of the roof (or man-cave, or garage, or shop, or wherever he hides) and emotionally and spiritually move back into the home. All I know is that wisdom tells me that we get more flies with honey than with vinegar. That means a sweet and gentle spirit will yield far more from your man than being contentious and filled with strife. |
Proverb a DayEach day, we'll take a look at a verse from the chapter of Proverbs for the day. Our hope is to gain wisdom each day - and from that wisdom - to have understanding to make godly decisions in the throes of everyday life. Thank you for visiting our website! Everything on this site is offered for free. If, however, you would like to make a donation to help pay for its continued presence on the internet, you can do that by clicking here. The only thing we ask is that you give first to the local church you attend. Thank you!
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