How to Keep Your Man From Moving Onto the Roof . . . Proverbs 21:9

11/21/2010

It is better to live in a corner of a roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Proverbs 21:9

There are days when I would rather not have this blog due to the nature of the subject matter present. Today is one of those days. This is only because I would rather spend a thousand days dealing with men and their biblical responsibilities and their sin, than spend one having to point out sin to ladies. Too often in our perverted world women are bashed on these matters with caracitures that are unflattering at best, and just plain mean at other times. So ladies, today I will try to hug as closely to the text as possible - only using biblical examples as I seek to explain this passage.

This proverb begins with a funny picture. We have a man sitting on the corner of his roof. He has decided that this is the better place for him to live. That seems very strange to us. Considering the exposure to the elements - and the sheer uncomfortable nature of living on just the corner of your roof - we are bewildered at this man's choice. What could be so bad that he would make such a choice? According to this proverb, it is the prospect of sharing his house with a contentious woman.

What is a "contentious" woman? The Hebrew word used here is "madon" and it refers to someone who is filled with strife and dissension. It speaks in Proverbs 17:14 of a quarrel or dispute that cannot be stopped once it starts - or in Proverbs 18:19 of arguments and contentiousness that create barriers between people. It is usually associated with an evil heart and with a bad temper. Other sins associated with this sin of contention are lying, perversity, and hatred. These are pretty bad sins - especially when you consider that this is someone with whom you live on a regular basis in life. The relationship one has with their wife should be the closest in life - but when a wife is acting this way - it makes life miserable.

This lady is miserable herself - and honestly - is making everyone else around her equally miserable. Rather than be a woman with a quiet and gentle spirit (as is counselled by Scripture) she is filled with anger, resentment, hatred, and because of these things - a contentious spirit that is ready at a moment's notice to enter into strife and voice her continual dissent. No wonder this guy is sitting on the corner of his rooftop - it is the only place he may be able to get a little peace and quiet.

Ladies, if you would indulge me for just a brief few moments, God desires you to be your husband's helper. This is the same term that is used to describe the Holy Spirit. You are called to come alongside your husband and cheer him on - calling him to be the man God wants him to be - and cheering loudly for him whenever he shows the slightest inkling toward that call. Let me let you ladies in on a secret. (All men need to stop reading at this point - and if you do - please do not bring up a vote to have my man-card revoked).

Ladies, your words are so very impotant to your husband. You may think he doesn't listen - but he hears every word you say. Whether he chooses to admit it or not - your words are more important to him than any other that are spoken during his day. When you cut him down and constantly criticize him - it does more damage than a thousand comments made by anyone else. The reason this guy is living on the corner of his rooftop - is because he is hurting so bad that any indignity or discomfort would be better for him. He hurts because rather than being encouraged by his wife - he is torn down. That is something that honestly cannot be fixed by anything other than you changing how you speak to him. Yes, I understand that often men are lazy and not exactly taking up the mantle to be God's man. Yes, I understand that you get frustrated waiting for him to be that man. Yes, I also understand that it is not fair for him to dump the spiritual leadership of your home on you. BUT . . . being contentious will not help matters at all. Men will react to this by retreating further from their God-given task. If you would praise him and encourage him when you see the slightest advance, you might be surprised at what begins to happen. Who knows, you might even see him pack up his stuff from the corner of the roof (or man-cave, or garage, or shop, or wherever he hides) and emotionally and spiritually move back into the home. All I know is that wisdom tells me that we get more flies with honey than with vinegar. That means a sweet and gentle spirit will yield far more from your man than being contentious and filled with strife.

14 Comments

Hilarious

11/12/2022 01:40:27 am

I love how this woman encourages women by putting men down first by saying. Yes understand that often men are lazy and not exactly taking up the mantle to be God's man. Yes, I understand that you get frustrated waiting for him to be that man. Hilarious how instead of just accepting responsibility and accountability this woman has to slow fault in a man to prove her point. Just insane, even trying to pass it off as biblical justice.

Evonna Findley

8/24/2023 01:46:21 pm

I think they were trying to make a point that regardless of how "right" you feel, at the end of the day we are judged for our actions alone, not the actions of our spouse. Often when people act a certain way its because they feel they are justified because of a perceived failure on the others part. Most argumentative people feel justified in acting so, but the point is it doesn't matter how justified you feel. We must choose to do the right thing and love our enemies because it is right, not because it is justified or deserved. So I think they were trying to remove the excuse of whether or not your husband deserves it and putting the responsibility back on the spouse to respond in a godly manner.

Lea

6/1/2024 03:53:39 pm

I know what it is like to live with a quarrelsome husband .Now I know we really don’t love each other . The other day he cornered me with verbal abuse and spit in my face .Then the next day he hit me in the face It’s miserable living with a temper

Dee

10/4/2024 04:14:18 pm

You should have had him locked up. Let know man make you his punching bag. He is a coward, I hate to say this, but you do not deserve to let a man hit you. If you can't defend yourself, let justice prevail. He will beat you to ugliness and go to another woman.

Laurie G.

12/9/2022 10:57:28 am

This is so true. I know firsthand the power of an angry, contentious woman to make her family miserable and drive them, one by one, out of her presence for sanity’s sake. And it’s like she enjoys it, like it makes her feel empowered to argue, insult, interrupt, talk over people, criticize, and generally spew negativity.. it’s like she can’t help herself. My life changed for the better when I got my own place and broke the emotional control she had over me. We get along much better now that I’m not under her roof.

Sun

7/14/2023 10:05:30 am

This is so upsetting. Maybe the man has messed up somewhere and the wife is upset and instead of him listening to her he wants to go and hide instead of facing what he did and him taking personal responsibility and accountability for his actions? This is the reason why marriage is so upsetting. Everything is the woman’s fault and men are free of accountability and responsibility for their actions

Evonna

8/24/2023 01:48:56 pm

It's only because of sin that all people are not held equally accountable. God's way holds everyone equally accountable for marriage. And I would say more so the man because he should be the leader. It is sin that makes one less accountable not God. A godly man will take full accountability for himself

Marvin

2/17/2024 12:34:05 pm

Sometimes the Word Is upsetting

Marvin Wesley

2/17/2024 04:19:14 pm

Does it matter?

Moon

8/20/2024 05:55:11 am

It could be that the man is a narcissist, he could have multiple other women, the woman finally finds out and starts questioning why he’s cheating on her. Of course, he comes back with verbal, other abuse, threatens her terribly. This man is evil, he is not of God, but he still likes to use Bible passages like this one against his wife and children.

Scrub

2/7/2025 01:42:00 am

Moon, your response sounds like a personal experience you might of went through. If so, Sorry you experienced that.
There’s a reason why the Proverbs says what it says. Wisdom hurts and heals at same time. I looked up definition and adjective for “contentious” to understand what the woman was doing,

adjective
causing or likely to cause an argument; controversial.
"a contentious issue"

(of a person) given to arguing or provoking argument.
"a contentious politician haranguing a crowd"

Doesn’t say a woman arguing out of defending her character, but a woman who is given to provoking, and initiating arguments is what the Proverb is getting at.

9/28/2023 11:22:35 pm

This was good. Thank you. I am researching and creating a study for myself on why King David was on the roof. Eventually it led to him seeing and lusting after Bathsheba. I have been wondering if any one of his 8 wives and concubines led him up there out of contention, so he can get away from them. Ultimately "Don't Go On the Roof," leads to bad things.

Wayne P.

12/7/2024 12:32:23 am

Hello,
I am a pastor and live with a nagging wife. We’ve been married over 20 years and over that time have preached countless sermons. Not one single time have I heard “great job,” “you did well,” or anything of the sort. What I do get is the negativity, “no one wants to hear that,” you preached too loud,”you need to preach like so-and-so.” This is every Sunday. In the house I try not to say anything to her, because she is always negative and nasty. So yes I can relate to this man just wanting peace. Thank God that I have a shop I spend most of my time in.

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2/6/2025 10:48:21 pm

This is a powerful reflection on relationships, and the imagery of a man choosing the corner of a roof over his own home is certainly thought-provoking! While the proverb speaks metaphorically, it also highlights the importance of a strong, secure, and well-maintained roof—both in our homes and in our lives.

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