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Proverb A DAy

Definition of an Excellent Wife . . . Proverbs 12:4

5/12/2010

11 Comments

 
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4

How would you describe an excellent wife?  There is a loaded question if there ever was one - especially when a man is trying to answer that question.  Men would answer this question any number of ways.  Some would refer to an excellent wife solely by referring to her looks.  By the way, this would be a very shallow answer - but one nevertheless.  To the man wanting a trophy wife this would be his only consideration.  Another man might want a good cook - still another a companion.  This is why it is so difficult to answer this question.  That is why a proverb like this one is valuable - because it helps us understand the proper way to answer this question biblically.  This removes all selfishness and self-centeredness out of the equation - and turns us to God's answer for this question.  It will also keep many of us men out of serious hot water when we answer this - and do so without thinking much (which is how we men too often answer things when it comes to the issue of women).

The Bible speaks of an "excellent wife" here.  What does that mean?  The word is actually "chayil" in the Hebrew which when referring to women speaks of a woman with virtuous character.  This was the word that was used to describe Ruth in Ruth 3:11.  All the people of the city considered her an excellent and virtuous woman.  She obtained this testimony because of her character and godliness.  The Proverbs 31 woman is also referred to as a woman of excellence as well.  Her character speaks well of her - not just in how she treats her husband and children - but also in how she is a hard working, godly woman, whose heart is set on doing well for her family.  Their praise of her at the latter end of her days is well-deserved. 

The second thing we learn of this excellent wife is that she is the crown of her husband.  The idea here is that her life and strength of character makes her husband personally proud - and brings him honor as others see her in the community.  She adds dignity to his life - not shame. 

The second half of this proverb points to a shameful wife.  We are told that the wife who shames her husband is like rottenness in his bones.  Shame here means to act shamefully or to put someone to shame by their behavior.  This shame comes from disgraceful conduct - and often this shame is related to sexual immorality and those who act without any wisdom.  This shameful woman does not honor her husband or her Lord with her moral conduct - and in addition to this acts often without any kind of wisdom at all.  These kind of actions make her like a rotting in her husband's bones.  There is no stability given to him from her - and that which should hold him up, gives way into a crippling break of a bone. 

The excellent wife is the godly wife - the woman who first and foremost seeks to please and honor the Lord.  She wants to bless her husband with her heart for God - but also desires to crown him rather than supplant him.  As Proverbs 31 tells us, "She does him good all his days."  Thus we see all the earthly and fleshly definitions of a good and godly wife fall to the wayside - only to be replaced with the biblical way of seeing a woman.  If God has given to you such a wife - realize you have a rare jewel - a diamond and ruby of great value!  Cherish her and praise her often for she will not usually be praised by our society.  For those who read this - and are women - strive to be the woman God desires for you to be rahter than what the women's magazines promote.  Reject the worldy woman who embraces feminism rather than femininity.  Enjoy being a woman and enjoy your gender.  It is God's gift to you - and a blessing you should cherish.  Learn to see your role as God defines it in Scripture - because in the end, you will have to answer to Him on that day - not the NOW.
11 Comments
Ayo
5/31/2013 07:43:41 am

What of the virtuous woman makes one mistake and repents immediately will she still be regarded as virtuous?

Reply
Daniel
8/25/2013 08:48:12 am

In a word, Yes. Longer answer, she will still be virtuous if she is truly repentant of the mistake. Being truly repentant does not mean apologize then forget and make the same mistake again later.

Reply
kris
12/21/2015 10:16:09 am

What if a virtuous wife isn't being honored or respected by her husband?

Reply
Pastor John
12/22/2015 09:24:38 am

Two things - the tougher of them first. We do all we do for the glory of God and out of obedience to Him. If we honor and glorify God by being virtuous - He will bless and honor us - if not in this life - you can guarantee it will be in the life to come. Remember Jesus was God in flesh - and yet was not received or honored by God's people Israel. In fact - they treated Him shamefully and eventually rejected Him. Now the second . . . I am so sorry that there is not honor or respect coming from your husband. For comfort, turn to God who will comfort your heart. Enter into the sufferings of Christ - who as I said earlier also suffered rejection and a lack of honor and respect. Then - pray for your husband - he is not in fellowship with God (regardless of what he thinks). Pray for him to repent and turn to God - and possibly even be saved if he does not know the Lord. Be even more virtuous by blessing those who treat you badly (or at least not in a godly manner). One other thing - if you are being physically or verbally abused - take it to the elders/leadership of your church. If there is physical abuse and you fear for your safety - find refuge with that leadership (meaning - get to somewhere safe - even if it means leaving the home with the children) - and then work with church leadership to see your husband first disciplined and then restored - and hopefully see your marriage restored as well. Again . . . my heart goes out to you - and I took time today to pray for you in your situation.

Reply
Allison
5/16/2020 04:42:48 pm

I have gone to the leadership of the church because my husband is verbally, emotionally and sexually abusive. I try very hard to be a virtuous woman, and believe that part of that is loving my husband enough to not enable him to live in sin, but rather to urge him toward Christ. He just used Proverbs 12:4 to tell me I am rotten to him. How does one respond to this?

faustina
10/9/2016 10:53:31 pm

I like this post. I think it is well wrote being that your a man speaking to us women. Who need to just put down their walls for a second. You spoke the truth but behind your words i also heard peace in them as I was reading. Caring the love of Jesus in your heart helps people to receive your words.

Reply
Frances
11/17/2017 06:23:44 am

I am so thankful that the Lord led me here today. I want to be "A Virtuous Woman" We have been married 31 years and have four adult children. I do love my husband and want our marriage to bless him and God. Please pray for me, for us! Thank~you!

Reply
Pastor John
11/17/2017 03:08:10 pm

Prayed for you to continue to be a godly woman who blesses God first, your husband next, and your children as well! God bless you and hope you continue to honor God with your life!

Reply
Delita
1/13/2018 11:46:20 pm

Please pray for me and my husband! I know that God is using me to help him.

Reply
Angie
6/2/2019 12:12:13 pm

My husband has asked me to read this scripture and many others. He constantly gives me scriptures, which he makes me feel that he trying to tell me something. He also tells me not to cross reference it. I have and when I explain to him as to what I understood. He tells me that I’m wrong. I never question him. I know that he is not understanding God’s word as we should. I’m confused as to what does he want from me.

Reply
Mi vida
12/2/2020 11:14:33 am

Hello I'm in need of a serious major prayer here lately about a month ago I have been more hungry and thirst for the word of God and his present I've been seeking the Lord more then ever before in prayer in his word and fasting I don't know what the Lord is doing with me or what he is preparing me for but I feel in my heart to distant my self to a far selatary place where nothing and no one matters but me and the Lord to meditate and spend more time with the Lord with no distraction from this world or things of this world or from my family so I want to go for a 30 to 90 days to a personal spiritual retreat to spend more time with the Lord to help me personally in a lot of changes that I need in my life I feel that this with not only help me to grow and mature in my relationship with God but it would also help my husband to step up and do what the Lord has called him to do which is the head of the home and the leadership of our family. We have been married for 26 years and we have four grown kids not living at home anymore but I feel like I'm the problem in this marraige because of how I am I'm very controlling making sure everything that needs to be done is done making sure the bills are pain on time taking care our home making sure is clean and organized and make sure that my husband is taken care off and eats good and im also very demanding make sure my husband and kids are serving the Lord with honor and respect and doing what a child of God should do reflecting Jesus Christ in our daily life I know my job is not changing them or being after them all the time and because of this I feel like my family and husband don't like to be around me because sopposly I'm always complaining or nagging about something so I feel like if I was to just stay out of there life's at list for 30 to 90 days they don't have to here me complain or nagging so I feel that I should just set apart and leave far enough where I won't fill tempted to come back sooner the time frame because I will miss them so much. I need to have this time so God can work in me without having to see or hear anything thats around me and have the Lord deal with each and everyone of them instead of me trying to fix everything and everyone because being close around them and the home I can't mind my own business or even keep my mouth close so if I'm not around my husband don't have no choice but to step up and pay the bills and take care of the responsibility of the home and please don't get me wrong he is a good husband a very hard working man he just doesn't understand where I'm coming from with everything thats needs to be done at home or in our spiritual daily life .So please pray for me I think this decision can help us to build our home in a solid foundation and help my kids the value of a loving mother who only wants the best for them. So Of course in my distance I will be building in the kingdom of God while he works in me and through me I have a music ministry and a women's ministry my focus during this 30 day or 90 days will be meditaing praying and fasting spending as much time as I can with the Lord taking the good news and bringing others to Christ so please pray that the Lord will lead me and guide me to his will and his plans because I don't want to disobey my Lord and do what I think I should do. I want to do what his will is in my life . Thank u and have a bless day.

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Sundays: 10:45am - Morning Service
Community groups Times Vary

Wednesdays: 6:30pm - Adult Bible Study, Youth Worship and Bible Study, & Children ministry 

411 Calvary Cove
Jonesboro, AR  72401


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Phone: 870-277-0500
Email: [email protected]
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