How to Get a Delightful Son - Proverbs 29:17

Proverbs 29:17  Correct your son and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul. 

It is a common error for parents to think that if they discipline their children, they will not like them later in life. This is especially the case when at the time of the discipline the child makes a comment to the effect that they hate you. Another winner at this juncture is when a child announces in overdramatic fashion that you are ruining their life. Let me assure you from having reared 6 children of all personality types - when you discipline them you are not ruining their lives. What you are doing is insuring that at a later date you will find comfort and delight in a child who knows how to control himself and make wise choices.

Correcting your son involves discipline. The word here is "yasar" and it means to discipline, chasten, instruct, teach, and even punish. This process of correction therefore takes into account all the aspects of rearing a child. It means so much more than just spanking or punishing a child when they do wrong. It involves instructing and teaching them even as you chasten and punish them. It is not enough to tell a child something is bad - you have to eventually explain why something is bad or a wrong choice. When you do this, you take the time to encourage them toward godly, right behavior.

When you rear a child in this fashion you will find that your son gives you two wonderful things. First, we are told that he gives us "comfort." The word here means to give someone a sense of rest and repose. It can also mean a rest in the way you feel when you are satisfied with something. A well-disciplined child, although a chore during the process, will give a parent rest as they make godly, wise choices later in life. I know from a little experience and from helping others that when a child makes unwise choices - it can rob you of any sense of rest or relaxation. Some parents seem to spend a majority of their latter years rescuing a child from one disaster after another. That is not rest!

The second blessing that comes to parents who correct their children is delight. The Hebrew word here is "ma'aden" and it means something of beauty or when referring to food, something that tastes wonderful. One of the blessings that I have is that of thoroughly enjoying my children. We have 6 of them - and they are a delight to the soul of their mother and father. When they visit we speak deeply of spiritual things - and we have a blast together - often laughing and enjoying each other's company. That is what is promised here.

Now just a word in closing on this proverb. The delight often comes later in life - because rearing a child is a full contact sport! There were many times when we struggled to know what to do - and how to deal with rebellion in our children. There were times when my wife and I were dropped to our knees in broken-hearted prayer on their behalf. We both know that the reason they are godly today is because of God's grace and mercy - not our wonderful, book worthy parenting. So do not lose heart if at first you read this and wonder about such words as comfort and delight. That comes after you've spent 15-20 years of work together rearing them - praying for them - and often wondering what may become of them. That part is the "correcting" phase. It is not always delightful - but is very useful to God not only to bless your children - but to drop you to your knees for a few times of God's work in you as well.


POSTSCRIPT:  Recently, individuals have quoted articles from this section and stated that we teach child abuse at Calvary Chapel Jonesboro.  To this I feel the need to respond.  First, biblically, we are told that if we have a problem with our brother to go to our brother - not the internet - and confront our brother.  To date, these individuals have yet to contact me to discuss these things.  That should say volumes in itself.  
     Second, we do not teach child abuse at our fellowship.  This blog is an endeavor to teach what is in the Bible for the edification and upbuilding of God's people.  Anyone who has been to our fellowship knows that in our classrooms we administer NO physical discipline.  We correct with words and with "time outs" and eventually with a report to parents.  From our nursery throughout every age group our people are instructed NEVER to administer physical discipline.  We believe this right alone belongs to a parent.  Even then we teach the following about any application of physical discipline.
     Discipline is about the heart of a child.  Physical or corporal punishment is ONLY to be administered in a spirit of love for the child.  Teaching and loving verbal correction is key - as is prayer for the child's eventual salvation in Jesus Christ.  Any physical punishment administered due to anger or rage is out of line and wrong.  The parent is to discipline the child with appropriate discipline - not abuse.  In the end the child should be taught - and in every circumstance hugged, loved, and prayed with after any physical punishment to assure them of our love.  The idea of a "beating" is completely out of step with what the Scriptures are teaching.  Instead the idea of loving discipline is intended.  

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